The sun lazily draped its warm glow over the village square.
Birds chirped, merchants shouted about their wares, and somewhere, an NPC barkeep was struggling to keep his fake enthusiasm alive.
Me? I was still on my bench, the very same one I'd claimed as my checkpoint throne.
XP ticks kept popping up in my vision—15 points every minute just for existing here, doing absolutely nothing.
Honestly, it was the easiest grind I'd ever had.
I glanced around at my fellow NPCs, those poor background characters scurrying about like caffeine-fueled hamsters on a wheel.
They chased errands, repeated the same boring lines, and somehow still looked busier than me.
Honestly, I'd probably level up faster just by blinking.
"Being an NPC is the dream," I muttered to myself. "No quests, no drama, no forced heroics.
Just endless background noise and zero responsibilities. The ultimate lazy man's paradise."
Just as I settled in for another half-hour of guilt-free idleness, a ripple of tension stirred the air.
Voices lowered, and a few villagers darted past, whispering frantically about something ominous
"Looks like we've got a player raid incoming," an old NPC warned as he hurried by, eyes wide with fear.
Players coming? Meh, not my circus. Not my monkeys," I muttered, settling deeper into the bench's comforting embrace
Around me, the usual NPC circus unfolded.
Old man Jenkins shuffled by muttering about his missing goat, kids played tag in a way that looked suspiciously scripted, and the town crier shouted announcements no one actually cared about.
Classic background noise.
Suddenly, a torrent ripple of tension spread through the air.
Whispers floated from one nervous NPC to another — something about an incoming dangerous player raid.
The kind where high-level players storm your sleepy village, slashing monsters and everything else in sight.
The village seemed to hold its breath, waiting for the storm. And me? I was just waiting for my XP counter to tick up again
I glanced around, half-tempted to pretend I cared. Maybe even throw on a heroic pose. But nah, too much effort.
A player raid. Great. Those usually meant chaos, monsters, sword swings, spells flying everywhere, and me — stuck right here, bench-bound.
I considered pretending to care for a split second. Maybe look concerned, mutter something about helping, or at least stand up.
Nah.
Why bother? My motto was simple: Survive by doing nothing. It had worked so far.
I sunk back into the bench, closed my eyes, and let the XP roll in.
If a raid was coming, I'd deal with it. Or not. I was pretty sure doing nothing was the most powerful skill I had right now.
Suddenly, the calm shattered.
A monstrous horde crashed into the village like a wrecking ball with bad intentions.
Players swung gleaming swords, spells lit the air, and goblins screeched while smashing stalls.
Chaos everywhere.
I kept my eyes shut, still lounging on the bench.
Nearby, a fiery explosion rocked the square, sending debris flying.
One goblin warrior lunged directly at me — or so it seemed.
Without even opening my eyes, I instinctively rolled off the bench just in time.
Ding!
Skill Unlocked: Catastrophic Couching
You've dodged a lethal attack by doing absolutely nothing.
Huh. That was new.
The goblin slammed into the empty bench spot where I'd been moments ago, tumbling over with a confused grunt.
I blinked, yawned, and muttered, "Well, that was surprisingly effective."
XP numbers flooded in like a lazy man's jackpot.
I'd just earned more XP in seconds by pure accident than some heroes got from a whole dungeon crawl.
Nearby NPCs screamed and scattered, but I stayed put, watching the mess unfold like an action movie from the best seat in the house — my bench
Honestly, if dodging death was going to be this easy, maybe being lazy was a skill worth mastering.
The raid was over almost as quickly as it started.
The village was a mess — broken carts, scattered loot, and panicked NPCs everywhere.
Players and goblins alike vanished into thin air or respawned somewhere far away.
But me? I was still sprawled out on that blasted bench, looking like I hadn't lifted a finger the entire time.
A few NPCs eyed me suspiciously, whispering behind their hands.
"He didn't even run," one muttered.
"Isn't he that new shop clerk? The one who never talks?" another added.
I cracked one eye open and lazily waved them off. "Relax. I'm just conserving energy. You know, for survival purposes."
The system beeped softly:
XP gained from passive survival: 1200
New Skill: Catastrophic Couching (Rank 2) unlocked
Achievement unlocked: Survivor by Sitting
I smirked.
I was starting to feel like this lazy system was actually paying off.
Just then, a peculiar NPC — the village healer — approached me, her eyes narrowing.
"You're… different," she said, voice low and cautious. "You don't act like the others."
I stretched my arms overhead and gave her my most charmingly indifferent shrug.
"Different how?" I asked, feigning ignorance.
Her gaze flicked to the glowing system menu hovering above my head — visible only to those with certain abilities, apparently.
"Your… interface. It's unique. I can sense power in your passivity. It's unsettling."
I chuckled softly, "Well, I do have a talent for doing nothing and still coming out on top. Maybe I'm the village's secret weapon — or just really good at naps."
She sighed, clearly unconvinced, but made no further comment.
I decided then and there to keep my lazy edge sharp and my XP flowing — no matter what anyone thought.
Because if surviving this raid by not moving was the game, I was already winning.
After the healer left, the village slowly began to pick up the pieces from the chaos of the raid.
NPCs buzzed around, fixing broken carts, tending to the wounded, and whispering about the mysterious player attack.
I stayed put on my bench, the epitome of calm amidst the storm.
The system's XP counter kept ticking upward with every second I spent "doing nothing," and honestly, it felt like cheating.
I glanced at the glowing menu hovering in front of me:
Skill: Catastrophic Couching — Passive dodge activated when lying down or sitting still.
XP per minute: 20 (increased by 5 during rest)
Not bad at all.
A goblin warrior passed by, glaring in my direction as if he expected me to spring into action.
I yawned dramatically and muttered, "Sorry, bro. Too much effort."
In fact, my new lazy tactic was working better than any crazy sword swing or magic spell.
I'd survived a raid without swinging a single blade or casting a single spell.
I chuckled and thought to myself, Why fight when you can nap and level up?
Suddenly, an idea popped into my head — what if I turned this "lazy survival" into a strategy?
Why waste stamina running around when I could pick the perfect spot to camp? A real checkpoint for my system to soak up XP while I relaxed.
I stood up just long enough to shuffle over to a nearby tree with a perfect shady spot and flopped back down. The system responded immediately:
Checkpoint established: Shady Tree Spot
XP gain boosted by 10% while resting here.
I smiled smugly. This was going to be easier than I thought.
The healer NPC peeked around the corner, watching me suspiciously again.
"You're still here?" she asked.
"Yeah, this is my prime real estate," I said, patting the tree trunk like it was a throne.
She shook her head but didn't argue. "Just don't get yourself killed next time."
"Next time?" I smirked. "I'm the master of survival by doing nothing."
As she walked away, I leaned back, closed my eyes, and let the XP numbers roll in.
Who said leveling up had to be hard?
As I lounged under my new checkpoint tree, I couldn't help but observe the chaos still swirling around the village.
Players ran past, shouting orders and slashing wildly at the remnants of the goblin raiders.
NPCs scurried about, nervously repairing damage and patching wounds.
And there I was — the ultimate couch potato, soaking up XP like a sponge.
Suddenly, a stray arrow whizzed past my head, embedding itself in the trunk beside me.
My eyes snapped open, and I barely managed to roll off the bench just in time.
"Whoa, that was close," I muttered, dusting off my clothes.
The system chimed:
Skill On:Catastrophic Couching
Effect: Passive dodge activated when lying down or sitting still — 80% chance to avoid any attack
I blinked. So, my lazy naps weren't just for XP — they were actually saving my skin?
"Are you kidding me?" I said aloud.
"Dodging attacks by doing absolutely nothing? This is insane."
Nearby, a group of players paused, confused by my sudden roll and nonchalant attitude.
One of them called out, "Hey, NPC! You're lucky or something?"
I smirked. "Luck? Nah. Just hardcore lazy skill."
As the raid calmed down and the last of the goblins fled, I stretched, feeling more powerful than ever — without breaking a sweat.
Who knew laziness could be such a deadly weapon?
I settled back onto my trusty bench, the one spot in the entire village where the sun hit just right and the breeze barely disturbed my nap.
Honestly, I was starting to think this lazy lifestyle wasn't so bad — XP just trickled in while I did absolutely nothing.
I mean, who needs quests or danger when you can level up by breathing?
I smirked to myself. "No quests. No drama.
This time I am going all out lax."
Just endless background noise and pointless tasks that don't matter. The dream job of any NPC."
Because in this chaotic world, sometimes doing nothing was the smartest play.