"Clap. Clap."
The sound of two slow, deliberate handclaps cut through the classroom chatter. Ino's pencil slipped from her fingers, Sakura's eyebrows shot up, Naruto choked on his ramen cup, and Shikamaru—well, Shikamaru just sighed like a man who already regretted today's existence.
Yuto rose from his seat like a dramatic stage actor, his usual dead-fish eyes suddenly burning with the intensity of a man who had nothing left to lose.
"A-Shan." His voice was grave. "You dare mock my Stardust Surprise technique?"
Ino blinked. "I what? No, I just said it was kinda dusty"
"Dusty?!" Yuto gasped, clutching his chest like a betrayed shoujo protagonist. "You wound me, A-Shan. You wound me."
"STOP CALLING ME A-SHAN!"
Shikamaru rubbed his temples. "I don't even wanna know why he's calling you that. I just know it's gonna be annoying."
Ignoring them, Yuto turned to the class with the solemn air of a man about to drop the most disastrous bombshell of the century.
"Listen well, my fellow future shinobi. What you witnessed earlier was merely…" He paused for effect. "The basic version of the stardust surprise technique I wouldn't use the advance version on my friend Shikamaru over there"
"Wow, I should be thanking you then, huh?"Shikamaru muttered under his breath, veins visibly popping on his forehead.
A beat of silence.
Then
"Wait, there's an upgraded version?!" Naruto yelled, half-excited, half-terrified.
Yuto nodded gravely. "Indeed. The advanced variant doesn't use sand."
Sakura paled. "...What does it use?"
Yuto closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and said
"Feces."
The classroom exploded.
"WHAT?!". "EW, NO". "THAT'S ILLEGAL!"
Even Sasuke, the king of emotional constipation, looked like he'd just been slapped with a wet fish. His Sharingan might as well have short-circuited.
"That's" Sakura gagged. "That's not a jutsu! That's a war crime!"
Yuto crossed his arms, smug. "Try dodging that, losers."
Every single student, male or female, looked at Yuto with expressions of utter awe.
This guy was truly a "legend". What kind of twisted mind could come up with something as diabolical as Feces SurpriseStardust ?
Counter it?
How the hell were they supposed to counter that?
Forget a bunch of students, even the Hokage would be powerless against such a move!
[Mission complete.]
[Congratulations! You have acquired Water, Fire, Wind, and Earth chakra nature transformations.]
The system rewarded Yuto with four new chakra natures, adding to his existing Lightning Release. Just like that, he had unlocked all five basic chakra affinities.
But if given the choice, Yuto would've gladly refused.
Lacking strength just meant he could laze around as a carefree slacker. But losing his dignity? That was a soul-crushing blow!
Internally, Yuto wept.
'Why, System? Why must you force me to sacrifice my dignity for power?'
Externally, he maintained the aura of a man who had zero regrets.
And just then, Iruka's voice—laced with indescribable complexity—sounded from the doorway. "Hayashi Yuto, come with me."
The scar-faced homeroom teacher looked deeply shaken, clearly having overheard Yuto's earth-shattering declaration earlier.
'Feces Surprise Stardust'
As a humble, law-abiding educator, what had he done to deserve teaching such a "prodigy"?
With a heavy sigh, Iruka led Yuto toward the principal's office, his expression one of profound melancholy.
Watching them leave, Shikamaru frowned slightly and muttered, "Wait did Yuto actually injure Mizuki?"
Outside the principal's office, Iruka knocked lightly.
"Enter."
"You go in alone. Watch what you say," Iruka warned before stepping aside.
Yuto pushed the door open and, as expected, was greeted by the sight of the aged Third Hokage.
"Wow, the old man's really let himself go,"Kushina remarked inside Yuto's mind.
Before meeting Hiruzen Sarutobi, she'd held a grudge against him. But now, seeing how withered he looked, she couldn't help but feel a pang of pity.
'Spying on people with your crystal ball all day will do that to you. Kidney deficiency leads to premature aging,' Yuto replied flatly in his mind.
"Pfft—HAHAHA!" Kushina burst out laughing. "Kid, you're savage!"
'I just call it like I see it.'
While mentally roasting the old man with Kushina, Yuto outwardly bowed respectfully. "Lord Hokage, you wished to see me?"
"Ah, yuto." Hiruzen gave him an appraising look and smiled warmly. "You truly are your parents' child—such fine bearing."
"You flatter me, Lord Hokage," Yuto replied humbly.
"Do you know why I called you here?" Hiruzen cut straight to the point.
"Is it about Mizuki sensei ?" Yuto ventured.
"Don't call him 'sensei.' Mizuki is scum." Hiruzen's expression darkened. "He's been colluding with a missing-nin, plotting to steal village secrets."
"Is that so?" Yuto feigned surprise.
Of course, as someone who knew the original story, Yuto was well aware that Mizuki was one of Orochimaru's pawns.
"You've done well, Yuto." Hiruzen patted his shoulder approvingly. "For an academy student to single handedly subdue a chūnin? Remarkable!"
"Mizuki just fell for my trap," Yuto replied modestly.
"No need for humility." Hiruzen shook his head. "I witnessed the entire encounter. Your timing, your tactics are truly the mark of a genius!"
Yuto stayed silent, bowing his head slightly.
"You've earned a reward. Is there anything you'd like?" Hiruzen's eyes gleamed with anticipation.
[Choose.]
Before Yuto could answer, the golden system interface popped up again.
[1. I want to be Naruto's dad.]
[2. I want to be Danzō's personal groin attendant.]
[3. I want your decades-old, crusty boxers.]
"..."
Yuto's eye twitched violently.
'Here we go again, you godforsaken system! What kind of deranged options are these?!'
Taking a deep breath, Yuto kept his head lowered and forced out the words:
"I… I want to be Naruto's dad!"
"???"
Hiruzen's jaw dropped.
"HEY! WHAT THE HELL, KID?!" Kushina's voice exploded in Yuto's mind.
One second, she'd been happily spectating. Next, she'd become part of the show.
'Curse! It's the curse acting up!' Yuto quickly assured her.
"Really?"
'I swear on your son's mother!'
"YOU LITTLE "
[Mission complete.]
[Congratulations! You have gained 20 years' worth of chakra.]
Another massive chakra boost.
At just ten years old, Yuto now had the reserves of a four-decade veteran without lifting a finger.
Not gonna lie, it felt good.
And for some reason, this choice didn't feel as wrong as the others.
Meanwhile, Hiruzen was still processing what he'd just heard.
"Yuto some things shouldn't be said lightly," he finally managed.
"Understood, Lord Hokage," Yuto replied obediently.
"I know you just want to care for Naruto,"Hiruzen said, nodding sagely. "But his father's spirit might take offense."
"Oh, so now you care about his father's feelings?!" Kushina fumed. "What about mine, you old fossil?!"
"I understand, Lord Hokage," Yuto said again.
"You may request something else," Hiruzen offered. "Just nothing too outrageous."
After thinking for a second Yuto asked hopefully. "Permission to leave the village sometimes?"
Hiruzen stroked his beard. "Hmm. As long as you never use Feces Stardust surprise technique on allied nations."
yuto placed a hand over his heart. "No promises."
_______
Bonus ending Alternate reality
Yuto groaned as he trudged toward the Hokage's office, kicking a pebble.
"Cheer up, kiddo! The Third just wants to congratulate his favorite little murderer!" Kushina chirped in his head.
"I'm not a murderer! It was self-defense!"
"Tomato, tomahto. You turned a chunin into a cautionary tale before puberty! Ya'know"
As Yuto reached the office door, a familiar voice called out:
"Ah, Yuto-kun! Come in, come in!"
Hiruzen sat behind his desk, puffing on his pipe. To his side, a certain white-haired pervert leaned against the wall, grinning.
'Oh no,' Yuto thought. 'It's Jiraiya the Gallant. Also known as Jiraiya the Absolutely-Should-Not-Be-Alone-With-Children. A.K.A ero sennin'
Kushina gasped. *"Ero-Sennin?! Oh, this is perfect"*
'No. Whatever you're thinking, NO.'
Jiraiya's eyes twinkled. "So you're the kid who wrecked Mizuki, huh? Tell me, how'd you do it?"
Yuto opened his mouth, but Kushina took over:
"SAY 'I KICKED HIM IN THE BALLS AND YELLED 'STARDUST SURPRISE' WHILE THROWING SALT IN HIS EYES.'"
Yuto's body moved on its own.
"I kicked him in the balls," he announced robotically, "and yelled 'STARDUST SURPRISE' while throwing salt in his eyes."
Silence.
Hiruzen's pipe nearly fell out of his mouth.
Jiraiya burst out laughing. "HA! I like this kid!"
[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Unhinged Combat Reporting]
Yuto's soul left his body. 'I hate you so much.'
Kushina, cackling: "WORTH IT."
Jiraiya wiped a tear from his eye. "Kid, you're a riot. Wanna be my apprentice?"
Hiruzen choked. "ABSOLUTELY NOT."
[SYSTEM NOTICE: Potential Future - 'Pervy Sage Jr.' - AVOIDED]