Yuto woke up in his bed, stretched with a yawn, and was halfway out the door when
"Brush your teeth. Wash your face." Kushina's voice, loud and unmistakably mom-like, echoed inside his skull.
"Ugh, fine," Yuto grumbled, trudging back to the bathroom with the enthusiasm of a condemned man.
"That's better! Gotta keep up appearances, y'know!" Kushina chirped, sounding way too pleased for someone who technically didn't even have a body right now.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, 'Mom'," Yuto muttered, rolling his eyes so hard they might've gotten stuck.
"HAHAHAHA!" Kushina laughed even louder, then added pointedly, "If you were my kid, you wouldn't be standing there with those dead-fish eyes!"
"Oh, so I'd just be the Joker card instead? The biggest joke in the deck?" Yuto shot back, unfazed.
"You little! That's your friend you're talking about!" Kushina huffed, then immediately switched to proud-mom mode. "Say what you want, but at least Naruto had the guts to confess to his crush! My boy's got spirit!"
"Oh? And I haven't confessed before?" Yuto countered.
"You…" Kushina immediately choked, speechless.
"Mom. l need to pee."
"Tch. Fine. I'll close my eyes."
Their relationship was unique. Thanks to the Spirit Pearl, Kushina could see, hear, and experience everything Yuto did, including bathroom breaks. If she opened her eyes at the wrong time? Well. Let's just say privacy was a luxury.
"Think the Third's gonna call me in today?" Yuto mused mid-stream.
"Probably. An academy student taking out a chunin? That's prodigy material. The old man loves his geniuses."
"Funny how that works. The better you are at killing young, the more they praise you. Shinobi life's real wholesome."
"...Kid. You're aiming wrong."
"Thanks." He adjusted, then paused. "Wait. You said your eyes were closed!"
"I was, but then we started talking and I kinda forgot y'know."
"MY PRIVACY!"
"Relax, you're twelve. Nothing I haven't seen before."
"I'M THE VICTIM HERE!"
*Ninja Academy*
Yuto walked into class to find Naruto and Shikamaru already there, a rare sight.
"Yuto Over here!" Naruto yelled, waving like an overexcited puppy.
"Ugh. That smile. Who's he even inherited that from?" Kushina groaned.
Living inside Yuto's head had given her a front-row seat to Naruto's life. The loneliness, the glares, the expired milk broke her heart. But also? How was her kid this much of a himbo?! Minato was a dork, sure, but this level of dense? Unprecedented.
"Blame genetics," Yuto muttered before plopping into his seat. "Why're you two here early?"
"Mom dragged me out for 'morning training,'" Shikamaru sighed, looking like he'd rather be napping in a cloud.
"I drank expired milk," Naruto admitted cheerfully. "Explosive diarrhea. almost didn't make it!"
"You idiot" Yuto deadpanned, flicking his forehead.
"OW! What was that for?!"
"Your mom's orders. Oh, and she said to buy you two extra homework sets."
Naruto's face went white. "NOOOO. You monster"
'Told you, 'Mom'. He called you a monster.'
"You're the one delivering the punishment!"
'Wow. Using and discarding me. Cold.'
"Pfft. Like I've got pants to pull up right now."
"..."
Yuto had no comeback.
Just then A student burst into the classroom, shouting:
"GUYS! I just got insider info Mizuki-sensei quit!"
"WHAT?!"
"Quit?! Seriously?!"
"He only taught us yesterday!"
The class erupted into chaos.
"Ino, what do you think?" Sakura whispered to the girl in front of her.
"Probably related to that incident," Ino replied, subtly glancing at Yuto "Which kinda confirms he really did go after the fish…"
"That's disturbing," Sakura shuddered.
Kids in the shinobi world matured fast they knew way too much about certain things. Except Naruto, of course. Right now, he was still a pure, clueless himbo. Even his crush for Sakura was pure as milk.
"Mizuki quit, huh?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at Yuto. "You don't seem surprised."
Sakura and Naruto also turned to stare at him.
As Shikamaru pointed out, Yuto looked completely unfazed. He shrugged. "Yeah, I knew last night."
"Last night?" Sakura frowned. "How?"
"Well, the evil Mizuki decided to sneak into my house for revenge instead of sleeping like a normal person," Yuto leaned back lazily. "Turns out he messed up and lost half his life in the process."
Silence.
Sakura, Naruto, Ino, and Shikamaru all froze.
"PFFT—!" Naruto was the first to crack, doubling over with laughter. "Mizuki's such an idiot!"
"Wait, you believe him?!" Sakura's eye twitched. "First of all, would Mizuki-sensei even do something like that?! Second, a Chunin getting wrecked by his own student? That's impossible!"
"I am curious, though," Ino giggled. "Did you use your Secret Art: Stardust Surprise again?"
Shikamaru instinctively clutched his eyes in phantom pain at the mention of that technique.
[CHOOSE.]
The golden system screen appeared. Yuto's soul left his body.
[1. Explain Advanced Stardust Surprise to class. Gain their respect.]
[2. Drop your pants in front of Ino. Debut Flying Waters Fall Three Thousand Feet.]
Yuto wanted to strangle the system.
Option 1? What advanced version?!
Option 2? WHAT KIND OF TECHNIQUE EVEN IS THAT
No matter what he picked, his dignity was toast. But for the sake of his best friend's mom he had to choose the less catastrophic option.
________
Bonus Alternate Reality
Yuto stood frozen as the golden system screen taunted him:
[1. Explain Advanced Stardust Surprise.]
[2. Drop your pants in front of Ino.]
"Easy. Pants. Now" Kushina cackled in his head.
'I will literally disown you as my ghost-mom.'
Naruto elbowed him. "C'mon, man! What's the move?!"
With a deep breath, Yuto picked Option 1 only for his body to lurch forward dramatically.
His body lunged onto the desk. "BEHOLD! The Advanced Stardust Surprise is"
A chalkboard eraser smacked him mid-speech.
Iruka stood in the doorway, unamused. "Yuto. Sit. Down."
Kushina wheezed. "Should've gone with the pants."
[Achievement Unlocked: Worst Presentation Ever]