To Lama Jiuqian
When Naruto woke up, school was almost over. The little girl beside him sat upright, occasionally sneaking glances at him, but…
Where's the lunch box?
Hinata's love-filled lunch box… Please, take it out!
Hinata had decided to wait a little longer before delivering the lunch box. Naruto was too shy, just like she had been in the past—unable to even speak full sentences. But now, she'd gathered the courage to bring him lunch herself.
Naruto couldn't just snatch the lunch from the Hyūga clan heiress. If he did, the Third Hokage would probably drag him to the village gates, tie him up, and assign eighty Hyūga elders with Byakugan to beat his meridians back into circulation every day.
You can't resist.
Because if you resist… you'll end up a single dog for life, alone with a moody fox spirit.
---
After school, most of the kids ate from their lunch boxes. Naruto always found it awkward to eat with them, so he insisted on going home for meals.
"My parents are too busy to cook," he'd claim, "and it's a waste of time to go back and forth. I might as well do some training after eating."
The school had a hardworking atmosphere, but Naruto was different. He had his own portal, his own food, and even if he were fighting Madara in the future, he could just portal home to eat if Madara said, "Let's take a break."
---
The Nine-Tailed Fox was still sleeping inside the sealed space. Knocked out cold by alcohol, it had zero awareness. But Naruto didn't dare disturb him—Kurama's drunken tossing and turning was dangerous. Even a sleepy swat could crush him like a bug.
He repaired the wall he'd accidentally cracked, found a spot that looked nice, drove two thick mithril nails into it, laid out a few planks, added some charcoal lining, and carefully positioned a small, baby version of the Nine-Tails statue on it.
Then he labeled it in fancy script: "Kurama."
Naruto admired his handiwork from the couch. "Nice."
---
Kurama, meanwhile, was snoring away in his sleep, unconsciously bumping Naruto now and then. The boy was terrified of getting accidentally injured again.
After sipping some iced cola, Naruto exited the sealed space. There was no point staying inside while Kurama was knocked out and dangerous to touch.
Back in the real world, Naruto followed his routine—attending (or skipping) class, kicking trees, then heading home at night.
Kurama was still asleep.
That wine was way too strong!
"Can you really knock out a tailed beast with just a few drinks? Or are you just a lightweight, furball?"
Naruto had no idea how much Kurama drank. The clone had poured glass after glass, and Kurama had kept going, refilling instantly with chakra-enhanced kegs. The puddle of alcohol that remained could've filled a hot spring.
---
The next day, when Naruto entered the seal again, Kurama was still sleeping—this time curled up with his head resting near the reality furnace like he was warming himself by the fire.
Naruto blinked. "Seriously?"
He knew animals loved warmth. Cats, dogs, even chickens in the countryside loved firepits. But what did a tailed beast—a literal mass of chakra—need with warmth? Was Kurama trying to "roast" his chakra? Boil it like the Five-Tails?
Naruto had no choice but to leave again, sighing.
"Tailed beasts really are strange creatures…"
---
That evening, Kurama finally woke up.
Naruto raced into the seal to check on him.
Then froze.
Then exploded into laughter.
"Pfft—hahahaha!!"
"What are you laughing at?" Kurama asked, groggy and confused.
"You—hahaha—look in the mirror!"
Naruto could barely stay upright. He collapsed onto the couch, laughing so hard it hurt. His ribs felt like they were stabbing his lungs.
Kurama turned to the back wall where a mirror hung.
He saw... himself. Fat. Fine, that could be ignored.
But then he noticed the hair.
The fur on top of his head had curled into awkward spirals like a bad perm, and it had been pressed flat from where he'd been lying.
"Kid… what happened?!"
Kurama remembered drinking—vaguely. But could he really have gotten drunk? He was the Nine-Tails! A walking disaster! An embodiment of raw chakra!
Naruto calmed down enough to explain—though he twisted the story.
"You got drunk, said you missed your younger self, asked me to sculpt a statue of you as a kid, signed your name on it, and passed out in front of the furnace."
Kurama stared, stunned.
"...I said that?"
"Yup." Naruto tried hard to hold back his laughter again. The fox with permed fur was just too much.
Kurama's chakra surged for a moment, flattening his fur back to normal. "Stop laughing, brat."
Naruto was in awe. This fox had strange post-drunken habits. Should he grow tobacco next? Let Kurama smoke, drink, and get a perm like one of those old-school uncles?
---
Kurama looked away awkwardly. He couldn't remember clearly, but… maybe the brat was telling the truth. He had been thinking about the past before falling asleep.
"Anyway, how do you feel now?" Naruto asked, more serious now.
Kurama took a moment. His chakra was circulating properly again.
"I'm fine. No damage. Unlike you humans, I don't get hangovers."
Naruto exhaled in relief. He had genuinely worried that Kurama's drunken state might fry his chakra network—or worse.
Even in all the cultivation novels he'd read in his past life, nobody had dared to get a tailed beast drunk.
After teasing Kurama a bit more, Naruto noticed the fox's increasingly irritated glare and wisely decided to retreat.
Kurama lay back down in the seal, trying to remember what had happened.
Eventually, he gave up and entered a Schrödinger's Fox state.
After all… the observer was gone.
---
The next day, Naruto had breakfast as usual. Kurama munched on meat skewers silently, like nothing had happened.
But his eyes kept darting toward the baby fox statue Naruto had proudly installed in the corner.
Kurama couldn't recall the moment, but he knew the brat wouldn't let this go. Still, what could he do? It was just a name. Just a statue. Just his chubby-tailed, baby-faced self.
...He had dignity too, okay?
But why did that statue have to be displayed so obviously?!
Naruto, sensing the awkward tension, said nothing and focused on his food. Both man and fox finished breakfast in awkward silence.
Naruto headed out to kick trees.
---
Later that day, he returned to class, eyes shining with hope.
Would the little loli deliver her love lunch?
But reality smacked him in the face—hard.
Hinata did not send him to food heaven. She didn't even bring up the topic.
She thought Naruto was shy and didn't want to pressure him. She figured it was best to wait until he was ready.
Meanwhile, Naruto was convinced she thought he was the shy one, to the point where even lunch would make him faint.
---
Days passed peacefully. His strength steadily improved, his daily routine remained unchanged…
Until he was bitten by a dog.