No Zuo No Die, Why You Try
A year had flown by in a flash.
Naruto Uzumaki was now seven years old. After a year of a relatively normal daily routine, he had recently switched his training method—moving from punching trees to kicking them. The poor tree that had suffered under his fists for a year finally broke down.
Having convinced himself that his boxing skills were already "perfected" (by his own questionable standards), Naruto began practicing his legwork instead.
That was when a passing expert took notice of him and offered guidance in taijutsu—none other than Might Guy.
Though his shiny green jumpsuit and bowl-cut hairstyle were a bit much, Naruto had to admit—he was reliable. Really reliable. Especially since this man was often seen jogging around with either a single massive bucket of meat or two.
Thanks to prolonged negotiations with the Third Hokage, Naruto had finally agreed to a compromise regarding his education: he would attend two classes in the morning and two in the afternoon. That was the bare minimum Naruto was willing to tolerate.
---
Inside the Mindscape
At this moment, Naruto was in the sealed space of the Nine-Tails, engaging in a conversation with his tenant.
Over the past year, the Nine-Tails had begun to grow noticeably rounder. Naruto joked (to himself) that if this continued, the majestic beast would look more like the One-Tail Shukaku. At this rate, even Gaara wouldn't recognize him during the Chūnin Exams.
In fact, if this version of the Nine-Tails appeared in the anime's first episode, the Third Hokage's voiceover might have gone something like:
> "Long ago, a fox-headed demon pig brought chaos upon the land...
This creature had nine tails.
When it flipped over, mountains crumbled and tsunamis roared."
"Kid, I can feel you thinking up something disrespectful again," the Nine-Tails growled, sensing Naruto's mischief.
"Nope," Naruto replied, casually changing the subject. "By the way... have you ever had alcohol?"
"I haven't." The Nine-Tails paused, thinking back. "Humans brew alcohol. Most flee when they see me. The only exceptions are you, that pervert with the Sharingan, and the one with the wood release."
"Want to try it?"
"Hmph. I doubt it'll affect me."
Naruto smirked. That's exactly the answer he was hoping for.
---
Wine Pool, Meat Forest
Naruto had recently created a third pool inside the seal space. With help from multiple shadow clones, it was quickly filled with aged wine. Right next to it was the meat pool.
Together, it resembled the ancient Chinese fantasy of a "wine pool and meat forest."
With a gesture of invitation, Naruto stuck a straw into the wine pool and offered it to the Nine-Tails.
Kyuubi grumbled but accepted the straw and took a long sip. The potent aroma hit his nose, flowed down his throat, and settled heavily in his massive belly.
A few seconds later, white mist began to seep from his mouth.
"Don't use chakra to evaporate it!" Naruto scolded. "That's cheating!"
Indeed, even strong shinobi like Rock Lee, Jiraiya, and Tsunade had all been shown to get drunk despite their incredible chakra control. Tailed Beasts were no exception.
"You're annoying," Kyuubi grumbled again but took another few deep pulls—this time without dissolving the alcohol.
Soon, a wave of warmth spread through his limbs. He began to sway slightly.
Thus, the Nine-Tails became the first tailed beast in history to get drunk.
---
Drunken Confessions
A few more gulps later and the Nine-Tails was fully drunk, his massive form swaying and his eyes glazing over.
Naruto, sensing the opportunity, began his next operation.
"Big fox, when do you think I'll grow up?"
"Huh? I don't know… hic…" Kyuubi slurred.
"You said before that when you were six, you could beat ten of me. Were you already this big back then?"
"Mmm… when I was little… hic… I was taller than you are now…"
Naruto's fingers moved quickly as he began to sculpt a fox out of chakra clay—a regular-sized fox this time.
"Old man... hic... my ears were bigger... and my belly… fatter…"
After a few edits, color touches, and whispered questions, Naruto finally completed a miniature version of the Nine-Tails as a child—the one shown briefly in the manga during the Sage of Six Paths' flashback.
Kyuubi stared at the tiny fox, his drunken mind wandering to a distant memory… back when he was still young… sitting by the Sage of Six Paths, listening to his final teachings.
> Old man… has your dream failed?
Humans and tailed beasts… can they ever coexist?
...Except maybe… this kid…
---
The Name
"Big fox, do you have a real name? Other than 'Nine-Tails'?"
Naruto leaned forward, sensing the moment was slipping away as Kyuubi's eyelids drooped.
The beast growled softly, "Little brat… hic… remember… my name is… Kurama…"
With that, he passed out.
Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. Mission accomplished.
What would he do when Kurama woke up? Well… nothing much could be done.
He shrugged. "Guess I'll just wait to die."
Feeling bold, Naruto stepped closer to Kurama's massive body and reached for the plush, fluffy belly.
---
Real World Shenanigans
"Na-Naruto-kun…" a soft voice called.
Naruto blinked.
Back in the real world, Hinata Hyuga was standing in front of him, blushing furiously.
"Huh? Hinata?"
In the sealed world, Naruto's hand was sinking deep into fox fur.
Over the past year, Naruto had developed some ability to multi-task between both consciousnesses, but the real-world reactions were often slow—like lagging in a two-player co-op game.
In front of him, Hinata shyly pulled her hands from behind her back, revealing a bento box.
"I… I made this… for you…"
Her cheeks were red, her body trembling with embarrassment.
In the sealed space, Naruto gave Kurama's belly a firm rub.
---
When Pets Strike Back
Any pet owner knows: animals often kick reflexively when their bellies are touched.
Apparently, tailed beasts are no exception.
Without warning, Kurama kicked—hard.
Naruto's body shot backward and smashed against the stone wall of the mindscape. Cracks spread behind him like a spiderweb.
---
Real World Knockout
Just as Naruto reached for the lunchbox, the feedback from Kurama's kick hit him like a ton of bricks.
His face turned red, blood surged, and—
BOOM
Naruto collapsed dramatically on the floor.
Hinata gasped.
Watching Naruto fall with a red face, she misunderstood completely.
> "Naruto-kun is… shy too…" she whispered, face turning as red as his.