I drive home in the dark of the night. Deacon seems to be busy buying a present for Charlie. There's no way I believe it but I'll interrogate him when he gets home.
Dale is probably asleep already. I don't know how he can sleep knowing that our son is somewhere that's not at home. I wonder what he could possibly be doing. He's not answering my phone. Neither Dale's. He's definitely up to something. He'd been going to college earlier than usual, which is weird.
I guess I'll let it be tonight. He is an adult. I don't understand where he would go though. And I still need to nail a cake down for Charlie. I don't understand why I need to do it. Ralph is a way better baker than me. But maybe I'll get one from Wisteria. I'll get a home made cake there, with no effort. Too bad Myra can't make it, I could've sworn she was getting better with my magic. Maybe it's just bad and I need to try harder. She's usually the one to make the cakes for Charlie.
I get home and turn off the car. I entered the house with a sigh. I walk up the stairs into my room, where Dale is asleep like I guessed. I turn on the light in the bathroom. Would it surprise me that I hate who I see in the mirror? I see a coward, who ran from her problems, from her family. I see a weak link, who ran from the police in her past.
I remove my shirt. Light burn scars kissed my arms and back. A scar where hot iron touched my skin one day, right off the fire.
Wounds where sticks dug into my skin. My eyes, sunken and deep. I wipe under my eyes and nose, makeup returns to my skin, revealing my freckles that I continue to hide so that I'm beyond recognition. My skin used to be clear and soft, my attitude was beyond punishment, my eyes were hazel.
Sometimes I regret the things that I did. I wish I could go back and change everything. I could've had a normal life for once. I wish I didn't mess up like I did.
I put on a nightgown after looking at my skin, pulled my glasses off my face and got in bed. I covered myself with a blanket.
I wondered about the boy. He hasn't died once, but I haven't been told whether he's okay or not. Maybe it's not my business. I mean, I kinda kept him alive so maybe it is my business. I don't meet with him anymore, not since Deacon went to high school. Maybe his journey was fair. I hope it was.
I took the same road he did when I was his age. It's tough. I can remember holding a small child halfway there, she was basically a baby. Her cries when the sirens came on, it scared her. I wonder where she is now? She was so young. I remember when I gave all of my clothes just to warm her in the winter. I almost froze to death. But I did everything for her. When she was born, my friend, her mother, let me pick the middle names. I was so happy. I felt like a part of the family. My parents helped her get an apartment and let her work at our stands for money, and I babysat after I did my homework. It was not the best life for her but I made it worth living. That baby loved me. She was like my own daughter.
My eyes droop, tired and old. I fall asleep, dreaming of a better outcome.
I wake. It's probably eight already. I wave my leg to Dale's side of the bed. He's already up. I sigh as I sit up in bed. The sun is bright. I must check on Myra. I rise to my feet and make my way to her room. I open the door slowly. She's still asleep, I better prepare her breakfast.
I walk down the stairs, my footsteps heavy. Dale was down here, he was cooking something.
I walk into the kitchen and look at him.
"What are you making?" I asked.
He jumps up, spooked.
"Beth, I didn't hear you come into the kitchen. I'm just making something for Myra." Dale replied.
"Good." I scowled.
Dale shivered and went back to his cooking.
Is Deacon still gone? Ugh, I don't wanna think about it right now. He's probably at Charlie's. Myra needs her medicine for when she wakes up, maybe Dale will do it. I don't feel like doing anything today. But I need to go to Wisteria for a cake. I guess I'll do that now.
"I'll be upstairs Dale, make sure you give Myra her medicine."
"O-oh ok, I will." He stuttered.
I went upstairs to my closet. I opened the attic door and went up. The attic was cold, colder than usual. I sighed. She's here again.
"What do you want Elegance?" I asked vulgarly.
"I just wanted to visit again, is that so bad?" Elegance scoffed.
"Yes, I was actually about to go to Wisteria. I need a cake for my nephew's upcoming birthday." I stated.
"Oh, umm, you know what? I'll get it for you." She stammered.
"Really? It needs to be gluten-free. I think it's a diet he's been on for a while but I can't remember. " I was confused, why was she offering to get something for me.
"Yeah, yeah. Gluten-free. Got it."
"And it needs to say, 'Happy 19th Birthday Chase!' okay? And it needs to be teal and pink. Those are his favorite colours-"
"Yes, yes! I know, I'll get the cake!" Elegance shouted.
"Be quiet! My family will hear you!" I told her off.
She growled. "I'll get going then,"
She disappeared leaving smoke behind. I coughed. She was gone again. I wonder why she didn't want me in Wisteria, she seemed nervous. I would like to see Wisteria again. It's a beautiful paradise, the rain shimmers and it never thunders. Lightning and thunder are like a sign that prophecies are coming true, but I don't remember if we have any.
Anyway, I should probably call Charlie to see if Deacon is home with him. I went back down to my closet as I opened my phone and called Charlie.
"Charlie? Is Deacon there?"
"Uhhhh, yeah he's here. What are you doing calling me so early in the morning?"
"I just wanted to know whether Deacon made it home or not."
"Well, he's here, so don't worry about it. And next time just text me."
"You never answer your texts, that's why I called."
"Ok, well byeee."
That little shit hung up on me. Jerk. I guess I deserve it. With everything I've ever done, I'm long due. There's too much that I deserve.
I'm tired of this life, I can't wait till the next one. I have fifty more years in this life. I hope they go by fast. I wonder about the people of my past. The little girl, her mother, the boy, my many parents. I wonder what would have happened if I did everything correctly. If I was more kind, less violent, just a better person in reality.
All those lives lost because of my selfish and impulsive needs.