The moment had come! Kaiser's pile driver obsession sparked this chaos, and it was a blast.
To the main event—here we go!
Mash Burnedead and the Battle for Abydos (Utterly One-Sided in Abydos' Favor)
Mechanical soldiers marched toward Abydos.
A colossal Goliath led the charge, its rhythmic clank-clank-clank echoed by countless troops armed with firearms, infiltrating in a pincer formation.
Atop the Goliath stood Kaiser, a hulking cyborg director. Despite his emotionless face, his panic was palpable.
"Damn those black-suited bastards!" he roared. "After all my cooperation, they cut me off? Erase our ties? Ridiculous!"
It began when Kaiser still had confidence, plotting his assault on Abydos. Then, a call from the black suits changed everything.
"Kaiser, let's cut to the chase," the voice said coolly. "Our partnership is over. Forget the deal. Forget me."
"Wait—what?!" Kaiser stammered. "You got Hoshino Takanotsume, didn't you? Is it… Mash? Is he involved?"
"Perceptive," the voice replied. "Mash Burnedead, the teacher from Schale. His power is absurd—beyond our control. Please understand."
"You coward!" Kaiser spat. "A grown man scared of a kid? Sure, Mash is freakishly strong, but take hostages—"
"Kaiser," the voice interrupted, "we lost. Our dirty tricks met his irrational strength. Poetic, isn't it?"
"What—"
"I'm done taking his hits. Goodbye."
"Wait, at least—" Click.
Kaiser smashed the device, rage consuming him. "Unforgivable! He crushed my men, slashed my debts in half, buried me in sand, and severed my ties with my best client!"
"It's all his fault," Kaiser ranted, losing himself. "I was perfect! Hahaha!"
He broke.
Driven by vengeance, Kaiser forgot his status, his honor—everything but destroying Mash Burnedead.
"For this day, I gathered every soldier—over ten thousand, tanks, this Goliath!" Kaiser cackled. "Even if I can't kill him, I'll crush those students! Hahaha! This was always the plan!"
His soldiers exchanged glances. He'd lost it.
As they reached Abydos, a soldier reported, "We're entering their territory."
Kaiser raised his hand to signal the attack. "Good. They obeyed the evacuation order. Saves ammo. Now, Mash Burnedead, face me!"
BOOM!
"What the—?" Kaiser froze.
"Report!" a soldier screamed. "Trucks and cars fell from nowhere! Rear troops are down! Formation's collapsing—argh!"
"Another unit… almost wiped out!" Static.
"No way!" Kaiser shouted. "Five thousand men on the other side—gone that easily?"
Beep.
"What happened? Report!"
A chilling voice answered. "This is Mash. Can you hear me, Kaiser?"
"You!" Kaiser snarled.
"This is Mash. I just took out most of your rear forces."
"How? We had tanks, five thousand men!"
"This is Mash. Ayane told me where to go, so I smashed them all."
"What? How?!"
"This is Mash. I had help. Ever heard of the Gehenna Disciplinary Committee?"
"They… helped you?" Kaiser gasped.
"They figured your schemes would hit Gehenna next. Better to crush you now."
"Damn it!"
"This is Mash. Hina's team is mopping up the stragglers. You're next."
Kaiser pivoted. "Contact the Handyman crew! Tell them—"
Another device buzzed. Aru, from Handyman 68, spoke. "About the job… cancel it."
"What?!" Kaiser roared. "You mutts dare—?"
"Shut it!" Aru snapped. "You're a mess. The teacher's crazy but reliable. That's it. Betrayal's just business, right?"
"Get ready, Kaiser!" she taunted.
"We won't hold back," another voice added. Click.
The Handyman crew had joined Abydos. Kaiser's composure crumbled.
"This wasn't supposed to—" He rallied. "There's still time before he returns. Attack now—"
Beep.
"We, the Abydos Countermeasure Committee, are right in front of you!"
Kaiser's eyes widened. The committee—Hoshino, Shiroko, Serika, Nonomi, and Ayane—stood armed, grinning. Nearby, the Handyman crew lounged, watching.
And one man stepped forward, crushing a communicator underfoot, staring coldly.
"Mash Burnedead!" Kaiser bellowed.
"Been a while," Mash said. "Oh, your speech glitch is fixed."
"You bastard!" Kaiser leaped from the Goliath, charging Mash. "I'll never forgive you!"
RIP!
Kaiser's suit tore as Mash grabbed it. "Oops. Just metal, so no big deal, right?"
"Is a suit that flimsy?" Serika muttered.
"No way," Shiroko replied.
SLAP!
Kaiser staggered. Mash's hand cracked across his face.
"Ow—what?"
SLAP-SLAP-SLAP-SLAP!
"Argh!" Kaiser wailed as Mash unleashed a flurry of slaps.
"Director!" a soldier cried.
"Just slaps!" Serika laughed. "Doesn't that hurt him?"
"He punches tanks," Nonomi giggled.
Kaiser clutched his cheek, stumbling to his feet. "My face…"
"Unforgivable?" Mash said. "That's our line. You deceived Shiroko and the others, endangered them, tried to steal their youth, their home."
The Abydos students flanked Mash. Kaiser screamed, "You're my livestock! Rabbits to be hunted!"
"Then let's settle who's the prey," Mash said.
"We've got a lot to say," Hoshino added, "but first, a word from Mash-sensei."
Mash raised a finger, then pointed down. "You're all going to hell."
The battle was a massacre. Mash's camp dominated.
No matter the numbers or skill, Mash's raw strength rendered them meaningless. Hoshino's lightning-fast strikes, the students' gunfire, and Handyman's support overwhelmed the enemy.
A soldier hurled a grenade. Mash kicked it back like a soccer ball.
BOOM!
"Impossible!" a soldier screamed. "Kicking a grenade?!"
Another tried a sneak attack, but Aru intercepted. "Not happening."
"Thanks, Aru," Mash said.
"No prob, Sensei. The director's in that Goliath!"
"He's terrified," Shiroko noted.
"We'll handle this," Ayane said.
"Go get him, Sensei!" Aru cheered.
Mash's team tore through the soldiers. Missiles were punched away, sniper bullets caught and flung back. Kaiser's forces dwindled.
"We're being overtaken!" a soldier cried.
"No choice!" Kaiser barked. "Engage them here!"
The Goliath's Gatling guns whirred to life.
"Goliath ahead! Incoming!" Ayane warned.
Hoshino grabbed Nonomi, Mash scooped up Shiroko and Serika, diving for cover. The Goliath's barrage shredded their hiding spot.
"He's lost it!" Serika yelled.
"He's desperate," Shiroko said.
"Incoming shell—massive!" Ayane shouted.
Kaiser laughed maniacally. "It's over, Abydos! Mash Burnedead!"
A massive shell fired from the Goliath's cannon, capable of leveling the area. Mash stepped forward.
THUD!
"He… stopped it?" Kaiser stammered.
"He used a volleyball receive!" a soldier gasped. "He killed the shell's momentum with his knees!"
Mash didn't stop there.
CLANG!
The shell soared upward.
"No way," Serika whispered.
"Yep, exactly what you're thinking," Shiroko said.
Mash leaped, striking a perfect volleyball spike pose.
"Take this!" SMASH!
The shell rocketed back, obliterating the Goliath.
"No—this can't be!" Kaiser screamed as the explosion threw him out.
"I'll escape… plan again—" he muttered, crawling.
"No escape, Director," Mash said, blocking his path.
"Mash… Burnedead!"
Hoshino and the others arrived, staring at Kaiser.
"They were a thorn in my side," Kaiser spat. "I tried everything, yet they clung to their dying school, stubbornly repaying debts, laughing every day despite my efforts to crush them!"
"You were jealous of their joy," Mash said.
"Silence!" Kaiser roared. "They ruined my plans!"
"No matter what you did, we didn't break," Serika snapped.
"Time to pay up, Kaiser," Hoshino said.
"If you'd just left, Hoshino! If you hadn't come, Mash!" Kaiser drew a hidden pistol and fired at Mash's face.
CRUNCH!
Mash caught the bullet in his teeth.
"With… teeth?" Kaiser gasped.
Mash spat the bullet out, stomped the ground, and the shockwave lifted everyone slightly.
"How many have you crushed?" Mash asked. "How many have you forced to crawl?"
"Who keeps count?!" Kaiser sneered.
"Then feel it yourself." Mash grabbed him, soaring skyward.
As the students below shrank to specks, Mash spun Kaiser head-down, gripping his waist.
"Elictoria Spine Magic—"
"Let me go! I won't accept this!" Kaiser screamed.
"Hell Fall!"
Mash drove Kaiser headfirst into the ground with a pile driver.
"I'm not the rabbit!" Kaiser wailed.
CRASH!
Kaiser lay half-buried, defeated. Mash released him and turned to the others.
"Feel better?"
"Absolutely!" they cheered.
Mash smiled, satisfied.
RUMBLE…
Something stirred underground.
"■■■■—!"