Though it may be strange for someone who has proudly declared she's two-timing, I truly cherish Nagisa. If my favorite character before becoming Mika was 'Mika,' then my favorite character after becoming Mika was, without a doubt, Nagisa.
It was a simple logic of excluding Mika, since I was Mika.
It was because of Nagisa that I was able to adapt to this life so smoothly. And it was because Nagisa accepted me for who I was that I was finally able to establish my own identity.
Seeing that Nagisa slump to the floor, an old photo album in her hands that she had found while packing, my heart was not at ease.
"…This is a photo from Mika's birthday party, right after we entered elementary school. It's been so long that it's a bit hazy, but I think there were at least twenty children at that party. Why would Mika, who was loved by so many, not hesitate to call me her best friend?".
"Hmm? That's because it's obvious you were the kindest and most good-hearted of them all, Nagisa. Being able to call you a best friend is a great fortune in itself☆".
"Isn't that a bit of an exaggeration…? Besides, please refrain from speaking for her. Honestly, it's confusing".
"Oh? Is there anything to be confused about? As long as you don't do anything wrong, I'll cheer for you no matter what, and I'll agree with whatever you say.
In other words, I'm a Nagisa-devotee. There's nothing confusing about that, is there?".
"…It's just because of your voice and way of speaking, Mika".
"Ahaha, I can't do anything about my voice. As for my manner of speech… honestly, it's tiring to worry about it. By the way, what's this picture? Wow, this is hilarious! I can't believe she took a picture like this".
How hard did Mika have to pump the swing to flip all the way around and get her picture taken upside down?.
Her wide-open eyes, combined with her childhood appearance, radiated an insane level of cuteness.
Cuteness is indeed justice, and therefore, Mika is the one and only truth.
But the look in Nagisa's eyes as she ran her hand over the photos in the album was so pitiful. Was it really right for me not to tell this Nagisa about the whereabouts of the real Mika, instead of a fake like me?.
"You know, Nagisa".
"Yes?".
To tell her or not to tell her. It was a question I had agonized over countless times.
If I were to explain, I wouldn't even know where to begin. Maybe I could explain my connection with Gematria through the incident at the Arius Branch School.
Hmm… I generally dislike lying, but I believe that keeping secrets and telling white lies are sometimes necessary.
For example… yes. After I revealed that I was from outside Kivotos, Nagisa's attitude toward me became more proactive, if anything; it never turned negative.
However, that was only because I had hidden some of the facts. It was impossible to tell her the whole truth.
The fact that this world of Kivotos was nothing more than a game in my old world was something I would never reveal, even if it killed me.
It was an absolute taboo. It was an unnecessary explanation that had to be glossed over, a secret that was better left buried.
Telling Nagisa about the real Mika's whereabouts felt like a situation that required a white lie.
I needed to approach it slowly, like a body getting soaked in a gentle rain.
This thought was heavily influenced by what Mika herself had told me—that a long time still remained before we could meet.
Even Black Suit had called this an open-ended study, so we likely had plenty of time.
So, I decided to proceed one step at a time.
"It's about the real Mika, not me. It seems she hasn't completely disappeared".
"…What? Is that true? Then where is Mika now… no, how…".
"Calm down, Nagisa. Take a deep breath, and then exhale. This is a situation where there's still more that I don't know than what I do. But I thought it would be best to tell you, of all people. For now, it's highly likely that the real Mika is still asleep inside this body".
"Are you… sure? I had already given up, I had long since decided to cherish it as a precious memory of a happy past, and now to suddenly hear this, I…".
When Nagisa was flustered, she had a tendency to completely lose her footing if you didn't steady her.
Though right now, it felt more like she was so flustered she couldn't even get a grasp on her own emotional state.
"I said it's a high possibility, but unless I've gone completely insane, Mika is definitely still here. Yes. So, please wait, Nagisa. I promise you, no matter what happens, I will make it so you can be reunited with the real Mika".
"…Please don't say 'real'".
"Huh…?".
"Saying it like that makes it sound like the person I've come to love is a fake, and it hurts my heart. The old Mika is an irreplaceable, precious person to me, but so are you. So instead of 'real,' maybe call her 'the foolish Mika' or something…".
"Pfft… Nagisa, that makes it sound like I'm calling myself a fool. And I can't deny that I'm the fake Mika. Yes, that is an unchanging fact. But you promised that you would see me as my own complete person, not as Mika, didn't you?".
"…You're right. But I still don't like it. Having a modifier like 'fake' attached to you is still unsettling. And you still haven't told me your original name".
Come to think of it, this was a problem I needed to think about seriously. When the real Mika got her body back and I was separated, how would our names be sorted out?.
The new body Gematria would provide would probably be something like a doll.
And the appearance of that doll would likely be modeled after Mika.
In that case, there would literally be a real Mika and a fake Mika existing at the same time, which would undoubtedly cause confusion for everyone around us.
"My name…".
A name is the identity of a being.
Before and immediately after Nagisa accepted me, the reason I had buried my name was because I wanted to dwell as little as possible on what I had lost.
And the reason I still hadn't told her my name, even after some time had passed since she accepted me, was because the me of that time and the me of now were so different on the inside that we could be considered separate people.
What meaning would there be in bringing up that name now? For that reason, I had originally had no intention of ever saying it out loud, unless Nagisa begged and cried for me to tell her.
…It's not like my original name was something that would immediately raise eyebrows, like Earthworm, or Dung Beetle, or Bald-Eagle-Shocks-the-World.
But even if the moment came when two Mikas existed, I felt I wouldn't use that name.
"Since that day, I've been living as Mika, Nagisa. But if the real Mika steps out of the picture, then I'm destined to be the fake, no matter what. Still, if my soft-hearted Nagisa insists, I suppose I could think of another name".
"…Very well, that's enough for now. And calling me soft-hearted is slander. I too can have a heart of steel when it's truly necessary.".
"Oh, is that so? I didn't know, since you're always coming to me with a tearful face and burying yourself in my arms.☆".
"Hey, if you're going to say that, at least hug me while you say it".
So I hugged her.
Seeing her immediately bury her face in my shoulder and inhale, it was obvious.
she had said that just to get what she wanted.
Her hand….
"Ngh, wait a minute. How far down are you going?".
"Hmm? I don't know what you mean".
Is that something a person who has one arm wrapped around my shoulder and the other hand placed somewhere between my waist and hip should be saying?.
"Cherry scent… with vanilla and plum… sigh. Mika, it's fine with anyone else, but please make sure you don't meet Kurosaki on a day you're wearing this perfume.".
"Hmm? Why Haruna…?".
"If I say don't meet her, then don't meet her. And don't ask why".
…That's strange. Is a perfume really that big of a deal?.
I told her I understood, then gently pushed her away and continued packing.
We decided to leave the things that should be considered the original Mika's, rather than mine, here.
"This is just, just in case, but I have to ask".
"Hmm? What are you curious about?".
"If you were to be put in a situation where only one of you, the old Mika or you, could remain…".
…Those were words I never wanted to hear.
"Nagisa, please don't say any more. I'm begging you. If, by some chance, that were to happen, I would somehow… I would find a way to solve it, no matter what it takes. Yes. You don't need to discuss a future where one of us, your most precious friend or the person standing before you, is no longer by your side".
There was no way Nagisa would ask me to prioritize the real Mika over myself. That much was certain.
And that was precisely why I didn't want to hear it. It was a happy thing that Nagisa cherished me more, but that hypothetical was not a lighthearted story about who she cherished or liked more.
"…I understand".
Thankfully, my earnest expression seemed to have worked. It never failed with Nagisa. Really.
It was an invincible expression that could even defend against a roll cake.
"Oh. Should I take my bed, too?".
"…If you're going to use a separate room, then you should probably take it. Just a moment-- ".
"Okay! Upsy-daisy…!".
"It seems we won't be needing the children outside to help".
Wow. I can actually lift this thing.