My name is Saiki Kusuo, the psychic from The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.
When Zoldyck first showed up in Hunter x Hunter, he was 182 cm tall and weighed 141 kg—definitely overweight.
Even if you use your powers to fake looking fat, it still feels weird when you move. In a family full of elite assassins, you'd be exposed right away.
But honestly, there's no way I'd actually make myself that fat by eating. Not happening.
—That was what I was thinking. And everything after this too.
Let me reintroduce myself. I'm Saiki Kusuo. I'm a psychic, and I can do a lot of things—almost anything, really. Just to name a few: passive mind-reading, item transmutation, telepathy, x-ray vision, telekinesis, teleportation, seeing the future, clairvoyance, psychic writing, time travel, mind control, shapeshifting…
But every power comes with conditions or side effects. They're a huge pain, so back in my original world, I avoided using them as much as I could.
Why original world? Well, that's because something weird happened.
I still don't get how it happened, but long story short, I somehow ended up going back into the womb—and this time, I was born into the Zoldyck family.
Yeah, that Zoldyck family from Hunter x Hunter—the family of assassins from the manga.
So now, this pink-haired kid was suddenly born into a household where everyone has either black or white hair.
[What a special child.] That was the voice of Silva Zoldyck, the father of this body.
Saiki Kusuo thought: "Special? Not really. A normal man would at least wonder if he was being cheated on. You're not even the real father."
That said, it's already a miracle the sharp-minded Zoldyck family didn't question the pink hair. Of course, my psychic suggestion helped—through a method similar to telepathy, I used mind-reading to imitate their inner voices and made them hear thoughts like "This kid's fine" in their own minds.
As long as they're not overly cautious, it works. Who would look at a newborn and think, "Does this kid have the power to kill me?"
The answer is no. A newborn is the treasure of the family, someone to be protected. No one would ever be on guard against me.
The birth went smoothly. Nothing much to say about that.
Now the pressure has shifted to naming me.
Just earlier, Saiki Kusuo had already heard his mother's thoughts.
And of course, the thing you fear the most always happens. Once they confirmed the baby was healthy, the Zoldyck family gathered together.
An old man, clearly from the grandpa generation, was the first to speak: "What should we name this child?"
Saiki Kusuo thought: "Saiki Kusuo, thank you very much."
By then, he already knew the answer from his mom's thoughts.
Kikyo, Silva Zoldyck's wife, the amazing mother who just gave birth to him in this world.
Even though childbirth was exhausting, she looked full of energy now. She had already decided on the name for her next child long ago.
The first child was named Illumi, ending in "mi."
So the next child's name should start with "mi."
"This child's name will be… Saiki Kusuo."
The Zoldyck family: ?
Kikyo didn't even realize she said the wrong name. She thought she had nailed it.
Noticing everyone seemed confused about the name, she snapped,
"Dear, you promised I could choose this child's name!"
Is it too long?
Just as Silva Zoldyck, the head of the household, was about to ask that, what actually came out was: "I like it."
…?
Silva realized he said something wrong, but didn't take it back. As the family head, his word had to stand.
"A promise is a promise. Let's go with this name," he added.
And just like that, the weird name Saiki Kusuo Zoldyck was set.
No one else said anything about the name. That, of course, was partly thanks to Saiki Kusuo's psychic abilities.
Telepathic Suggestion: Before Kikyo said the name out loud, he mentally planted the words "Saiki Kusuo" in her head.
That way, it would naturally come out of her mouth.
Basically, it was a trick where the mouth moved faster than the brain. Not something that works every time, though.
Still, this was the name he'd carry for decades to come. Names might just be characters with no meaning, but he was already used to "Saiki Kusuo." Learning another new name, like a foreign place name, would be a hassle. He didn't want that. So it had to be this one.
Before being taken out of the room, Saiki Kusuo noticed he had an older brother.
Because his "last older brother" had left some mental scars, he watched this one more closely.
Illumi Zoldyck: So this is my little brother? He looks like a monkey.
Even though this brother had a completely blank face—not like his original brother, Saiki Kusuke, who always wore a fake smile—this whole "thinking of people as monkeys" mindset…
That first impression instantly maxed out the creepy vibes.
Blank face or not, he might just be a closet sadist.
Why are there always weirdos around me?
Is this the kind of disaster a psychic has to live with?
A baby at zero years old obviously can't talk or change his own diaper.
So Saiki Kusuo had no choice but to blush in embarrassment while the butler changed him into newborn baby supplies.
Even though you couldn't see it on a baby's face, he was deeply embarrassed.
No, I can't live like this even one more day.
Saiki Kusuo immediately made a plan for himself: use every power he had to find a way back to his original world as soon as possible!
Foresight: failed.
Clairvoyance: failed.
Invisibility: failed.
Object exchange: failed.
What's going on? I can't use anything!
The tiny baby clenched his fists. Other than passive mind reading and the related telepathy, it felt like all his other powers were gone.
Impossible. My psychic powers should be tied to my soul…
Then Saiki Kusuo suddenly realized—the baby's brain and body couldn't handle the burden of psychic powers yet.
His powers would probably return little by little as his body grows. Which means, if he wants to do something like time travel again, he'll have to wait until he's around 15 or 16?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Isn't the Zoldyck family a bunch of assassins?
Until I get my powers back, don't tell me I'll be forced to train as one too?
Saiki Kusuo, who always dreamed of living like a normal person, felt absolutely miserable.