Again. Today I am daydreaming about how my classmates and teacher will react if they saw my struggle. But do they worth it? I don't know. I'm confused. I hate myself. I wanna die.
I wrote many poems. But I never show em.
Maybe this is the safest place..where I can show my work.
I am Yvole. A normal junior high school student, suffering from depression, anxiety and stress. And daydreaming is my hobby. Honestly, I don't even know why I got depressed. I am lost.
There is no good end. Only admiration or sorrowful end. I guess that's how my life is.
Sorrowful and empty.
I wanted to die. I have no muse. But I am not suicidal, since I'm still aware of the consequences of that foolish action.
My life has been colourless. I am waiting, patiently, gently for my muse. No one came. Nor understand me either. A world full of malice, alone left in shadow no guide to show the path, no place to comfort. How pathetic.
I always fear the end but yet there is no end. Only internal suffering that will drowned me deep in the void. I guess this is what they meant, pain is a masterpiece, a blessing and a curse, and I hate it.
I wonder am I prideful?which part of me that I loss, It felt like I'm slowly losing who am I and my memory.
I wanted someone to hear, to comfort. But I forgot, I cannot trust anyone.
So then, please read my story…my dearest reader.
My life become emptier each day.
Even though I smile, laugh, happy but in the end. I can't understand neither of it. I am tired pretending to be happy, lively, and gentle. I am tired being the leading one. This is not who am I. But somehow..I couldn't stop smiling?
I wonder why?
It felt like a plague. Have my life been this uninteresting? O just please let me die early. I wanted to die.
But, now…Here is my thoughts.
I present to you. The first poem I wrote. Maybe this can help you understand me, or…we are related.
'Children of Earth'
Poetry by Yvole.
'Children of Earth—
Your heart filled with malice,
Unaware of the great sins you carry—
That lie within your very own existence.
The past is always taunting,
Like a graveyard consumed by the void—
May your prayer be heard,
Or drown in internal depths
We are not human nor creature—
Just a soul wandering in any form.
Those who are pure,
Will be crowned.
And those who are not,
Shall be crowned with the weight of sins.
A deal was sealed—yet it remain unknown.
The sly snake knew how to silence us,
Because they once were silenced by us.
Darkness and light embody balance—
Yet, human and animal represents chaos
Seek not vengeance in vain—
Let the wrath be forged
Like a moth to fire,
Not with tense desires.
Thy believe for thine love,
Though it shall be forgotten.
A world full of sins will not define—
Those whom truly thou adorest.
Your existence is a mistakes,
A sins that should not be born.
So then—be aware in that solitude,
That you are nothing but a mistake.
Whispers swallow the hollow heart.
To the voice of emptiness—of the abyss
May your heart be still,
Or shattered into pieces.'
If you understand this, This is my voice. A voice that was stuck between illusion and reality. A voice that cannot tell which is illusion and which is reality.
Lost in the void just like how the sky lost in the clouds. Can I even express this. Never mind I already did.
Thank you, for reading. My dearest.