Dear M
Tell me why I am scared? Is it the fear falling in love again and not being able to save myself if I fall alone? I sometimes selfishly wish I never met him or loved him not because I hate him but because I realise he is the only one I truly ever loved or fell in love with.
When it gets too much or too real I want to run away, when I am put in a spot I can't help but want to run. I don't think he realises how much I love him, I secretly hate him as well, it's such a weird and selfish reason but I do.
I know there seemed as though there's no hope for us to getting back together and he had the right to move on but damn do I still hate him for falling in love with someone else, whilst I could not do it these past 4 years. Yes, there is one person I liked but I felt repulsed by the thought which was strange, it made no sense and it still makes no sense.
Anyway I will try not to run away but I am scared to fall alone.
With Love
M