Dear A
The last letter I wrote spoke of the uncertainty of letting go and wondering what the future held.
Reading it again with this same question being posed hurts more than I could even bear.
There's nothing I fear more than the feelings I have, I wish could have let them go four years ago because maybe than it would not matter that you were not sure of where I stood in your life.
I understand that you going through matters that are beyond you right now and probably feels like there is no way out but you have faced far worse and yet came out better than before.
These aren't words of dismal but rather of understanding facing a challenge at an age whereby you feel you be enjoying yourself with your friends instead of stressing and overthinking things.
Call them words of comfort and understanding. I have also faced a challenge that felt beyond my years but worked out on its own even though I'm not pleased with the outcome but it is what it is. That's all I can.
The whole point of this letter is that despite everything I still love you. Four years ago, in that letter I had mentioned I could never picture a future without you. Four years later this fact still remains.
I'm afraid to love you too much, to give my all because it seems it's easy for you to let go. I know you have your reasons but somehow they do not feel valid enough.
Even though I have a nagging feeling that you won't try at all despite all that we have said, I still hope you do. I really don't want half arse my love for you just because of the fear of what if.
There are so many words I wish to share and how I have been truly being feel these past four years… one day when there is clear certainty. I will share those words.
Love
M