You know, I used to think life was supposed to get better.
They always said, "Just wait, things will change." They lied.
I was the kid no one wanted. Orphaned, tossed to relatives who only fed me because the law said they had to. They wouldn't look me in the eye. They wouldn't smile. They wouldn't even remember my birthday. It was like I was a stain they couldn't scrub off.
School wasn't any different. I'd sit in the back, hoping they wouldn't notice me.
They always did.
"Move."
A hand shoved me forward, cold rain soaking through my thin uniform as I stumbled through the rusted gate of the abandoned apartment building.
Great. Again.
Kaito and his pack were behind me, laughing like hyenas. I could hear them even over the rain pounding on the broken roof.
"You're so slow, man," one of them jeered.
I clutched my bag tighter. There wasn't even money in it today, but they wouldn't care.
Inside, it smelled like mold and rust, water dripping through cracks in the ceiling, pooling on warped wood floors. We went up, past graffiti and broken windows, to some empty room where the wind howled through shattered glass.
They circled me like they always did. It was a game to them.
Kaito stepped forward, hands in his pockets, that empty smile on his face. Everyone liked him. Teachers, classmates, even strangers. They didn't see how dead his eyes were.
"Got anything today?" he asked.
I shook my head.
"Say something," he said, voice flat.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. My throat felt tight, like I was choking on words I never learned how to say.
Kaito's smile twitched. "You're so damn boring."
They started pushing me around. Shoves. Slaps. I tried to stay on my feet, but the floor was slippery with rain, my shoes were too thin, and I was too tired.
Please. Just let me go home.
But no one ever heard that.
Kaito grabbed my collar, yanking me close so I could see myself in his empty eyes.
Then he shoved me.
Hard.
My foot slipped on the wet wood, and I heard a loud crack. The floor beneath me gave way, splinters and rusted metal tearing free as the world dropped out from under me.
I fell.
Pain shot through me as I slammed into something hard, then another impact, and another, as debris crashed down around me. Dust, rain, wood, and concrete all blurred together.
I couldn't move.
Couldn't breathe.
Ah… so this is it, huh?
Lying there, I stared up through the hole I fell from, rain dripping onto my face. I could hear them shouting, screaming, the building groaning around us. I didn't care.
My body felt heavy. The pain was there, but it was fading, replaced by this cold that was sinking into my bones.
It's funny…
I spent so long hiding. Keeping my head down. Doing what I was told. Hoping that if I was quiet enough, small enough, I'd get to live.
But I never really lived, did I?
No friends.
No dreams.
Just gray days, one after another, waiting for something to change.
Guess it never did.
The rain was cold against my skin, but my body was going numb, like it wasn't even mine anymore. My eyes stung, not from the rain, but from the tears I didn't even realize were there.
I wanted to scream. To tell them it hurt. That I didn't want to die like this.
But my mouth wouldn't move.
My mind felt loud, memories rushing in, flooding me, crashing over me in waves I couldn't stop.
I remembered the way my mom used to hold my hand, her warmth, her soft voice, before she was gone. I remembered the way the sun felt on my face when I was small, how I thought if I ran fast enough, I could touch the sky. I remembered birthdays spent alone in that cold room, waiting for someone to knock, to remember, but no one ever did.
I wish…
I wish I'd been stronger.
I wish I'd been braver.
I wish I'd told them how I felt, even once.
I wish I'd truly lived, even for a single day.
The voices above were getting further away, muffled, like they were underwater. Maybe they were running. Maybe they were scared they killed me.
Funny. They didn't even have the guts to look me in the eye while I died.
I coughed, a sharp, wet pain slicing through me, the taste of iron in my mouth. Blood. I could barely lift my hand, watching as the rain washed the red away, leaving pink trails down my wrist.
My chest felt tight, every breath shallow, ragged, like the world was squeezing me out of it.
Ah… so this is what it feels like.
I thought death would be quiet. Peaceful, even.
But it's lonely.
So damn lonely.
I wondered if anyone would find me here, in this rotting building, lying in the rain with broken bones and empty eyes.
Would they even care?
Would they even remember my name?
The darkness was creeping in, black edges swallowing the broken ceiling above me, the gray clouds, the rain. I blinked, trying to keep them open, but everything was getting heavier, heavier, until it was like I was sinking under water.
My last breath came out in a shiver, warm against the cold, before the rain washed it away.
The rain kept falling, washing me away, until the world was nothing but cold and quiet.