Smoke from last night's fires still curled into the air, and the villagers, now thoroughly convinced they were living inside a holy epic, moved with reverence and unearned confidence.
Kyle, on the other hand, was trying desperately to sleep.
He rolled to one side, grumbling, and wrapped the itchy wool blanket tighter around his head like he could suffocate the prophecy away.
Then came the cluck.
A singular, authoritative cluck.
Followed by a gasp. Then another. Then full-blown chanting.
Kyle groaned. "No. No, no, not again."
He peeked out from under the blanket. And it was a mistake.
A small crowd had gathered, circling the chicken like it was laying world peace.
"Another Holy Egg has been delivered unto us!" a villager cried, holding the freshly laid egg like it contained the secrets of the universe.
"Praise the Flame!" someone cried.
"The Ember's Hope continues to bless us with his fruit!"
"I'm cursed," he Croak, "and also… please stop calling it that."
He sitting up and scratching his scalp like the last bit of sanity might be hiding under his hair.
The chicken stared at him.
[ System Notification: A New Egg Has Been Laid. ]
You may now:
[ Bless the Egg ]
[ Hatch a Holy Beast ]
[ Trade for Divine Currency ]
Kyle spat. "No. Absolutely not."
[ New Subsystem Unlocked: Divine Farming Lv.1 ]
[ Your BP and WP generation are now linked to the well-being of your Sacred Animal. ]
"Why are you doing this to me?" he breathed.
[ Because faith must be cultivated. ]
He flung the blanket off and stomped toward the coop.
The chicken blinked once. Slowly. Then clucked, like it knew too much.
Lina was already kneeling beside the coop, reverent as ever. The coop had been redecorated with ribbons and beautified with flower offerings. A carved sign that now read: Shrine of Ember's Feather.
She looked up, eyes aglow. "You have not yet blessed the egg, Great One. Shall we prepare the ceremonial basket?"
"The what?" he sputtered.
Before he could protest further, the system pinged again.
[ Daily Farming Quest Available: Feed the Sacred Chicken ]
Reward: 10 BP + 1 Villager Faith
Bonus Objective: Speak kindly to your flock. Bonus +5 WP
Kyle gowled. "No. I will never… talking to a chicken."
The chicken clucked at him.
The villagers gasped.
"He communicates with the sacred chicken!"
"He speaks in Clucktongue!"
"He is the truth itself!"
Kyle deadpanned, grabbed a bowl of grain, and dumped it on the ground.
"Here. Eat. Go forth and multiply or whatever. Just do your thing and let me rot in peace."
The chicken pecked with divine authority.
[ Quest Completed. ]
Reward 10 BP + 1 Villager Faith
A golden shimmer briefly surrounded the chicken.
"The sacred feathered glows with His blessing!"
Kyle closed his eyes and breathed through his teeth.
"This is a fever dream. A clucking fever dream."
As he turned to leave, a popup followed him.
[ Would you like to name your farm? ]
Suggested Name: Emberlight Fields
Alternate Names:
Featherflame SanctuaryThe Blessed PenKyle's Glorious Ranch (TM)
[ Skip ] [ Name Later ] [ Emberlight Fields ]
"I will absolutely not name my prison," Kyle growled.
The system did it anyway.
[ Farm Registered: Emberlight Fields. ]
[ Your Farming Rank: F ]
[ Upgrade Path: Raise animal health, expand territory, perform divine harvest rituals. ]
In the village center, Lina was painting something.
Kyle squinted. "Is that me holding a chicken like some kind of breakfast messiah?"
Lina turned and beamed. "A child dreamed of this image."
"That child needs an exorcist. For real," he quipped.
[ New Quest: Guide Your Flock ]
[ Objective: Teach your followers the ways of divine agriculture. ]
[ YES ] [ Also YES but in cursive ]
Kyle facepalmed.
All of a sudden, come another ping.
[ New Resource Unlocked: Divine Compost ]
Blessed fertilizer generated from holy chicken waste. Use in fields to improve crop yields.
"You've got to be kidding me. You're making me collect sacred poop now?" he blurted.
The chicken clucked like it understand.
A nearby elder gasped and began scooping the droppings into a silver bowl.
"The soil shall drink of His blessing!"
Kyle walked away from them.
But the system was relentless:
[ Your chicken is hungry again. ]
Suggested Activity: Forage with your followers. Teach them how the land provides.
Which led to Kyle, hours later, knee-deep in weeds, surrounded by basket-wielding cultists.
He scratched the ground with a twig.
"We're looking for worms."
A kid glanced at him. "Do we soak them in sap first?"
"No. Just... no," he looked at the kid's eye.
An old man nodded. "The sap is symbolic."
Kyle yanked a leaf off a bush. "The sap is sticky. That's it."
[ Teaching Activity Ongoing... ]
[ Followers +2 Trust ]
[ New Farming Tip Discovered: Wild Berries may be used for bonus chicken growth. ]
They returned with mushrooms, seeds, and one suspicious beetle.
The chicken glowed after eating it.
[ Chicken Affection Increased. ]
Passive Bonus: Blessed Droppings now last 20% longer.
Kyle collapsed on a mat.
"I used to be normal. Broke. Lonely. But normal," he cried.
Kyle, exhausted, lay on his back staring at the sky.
"I used to be an ordinary guy," he bemoaned. "A little broke. Kinda lonely. But normal."
Lina appeared with an egg basket. "You are still you, Great One. Just... greater."
"Don't encourage this."
The sacred chicken curled up beside him.
Another ping:
[ Congratulations. Your farm has reached 1-Star Rank. ]
[ New Feature: Egg Appraisal. Determine the future potential of each laid egg. ]
Kyle didn't even flinch anymore.
"I give up," he sighed, "let's hatch dragons. Let's bless omelets. Let's build a shrine to fertilizer."
The villagers clapped.
"He accepts!"
"Tomorrow we build the Roost of Revelation!"
The system pinged happily.
[ New Title Acquired: Herald of the Hen. ]
Passive: 5% chance eggs hatch Sacred Companions.
Kyle looked at the camera that didn't exist.
"Just kill me," he exhaled, "I'm tired of this shit systems and the zero-logic people around."
The chicken clucked.
The stars blinked overhead.
And Kyle, reluctant god of chicken cult, slept beside the coop as his faith-based farming simulator spiraled further into madness.
***
A couple hours later, the village had finally quieted. Until shouting shattered the peace.
"Where is the fake god?!"
Kyle groaned awake from his chicken-feather hut.
Outside, a woman sat astride a warhorse like it was born to carry divine retribution.
She was tall, her long silver hair catching the early light like a blade, and her crimson eyes scanning the village like she was looking for an excuse to declare war.
Her armor was polished, imposing, and entirely impractical around the thighs, armored skirt swaying with each dismount like she was doing it for dramatic effect. Soldiers surround her, equally stern but clearly used to their commander making an entrance.
Lina shouted, "He's real, you silver donkey!"
The knight dismounted. "Bring forth the blasphemer."
Kyle stepped out. "Are you selling something?"
Lina bowed. "Forgive her, Oh Great One. She doubts your glory."
The knight pointed. "Are you the one they worship?"
Kyle blinked at the soldiers. "What are you guys doing? A cosplay parties?"
"She's from the kingdom," Lina hissed. "Claims we're violating divine law."
The knight press, "answer me!"
"Technically, yes. I also didn't ask for it."
"Blasphemy," she spat. "The Holy Kingdom of Light of Blessing does not permit unauthorized gods."
Kyle blinked. "Your kingdom has too many words."
"Silence!"
She stepped forward.
[ System small defensive activated ]
Free for the first time.
She lunged.
CLANG.
Her blade bounced off an invisible barrier.
Kyle winced. "Rude."
Her eyes narrowed. "You dare resist me?!"
"I'm not even doing anything."
"You block my hit."
He teased. "Okay, I dare you to say your kingdom's name five times fast. Now!"
She chanted. Light wings burst from her back.
"Oh-ow… she's mad."
[ Low-Level Magic Detected. ]
[ Learn Basic Defense for 5 BP? ]
The free trial had been used.
[ YES ] [ NO ]
Kyle sighed. "Okay, 5 is fine."
She raised her sword. "In the name of the Holy—"
Kyle muttered, "Shut up. Just hit me already."
[ Request Accepted. ]
[ Processing Divine Censorship Protocol... ]
"Huh?"
The knight opened her mouth. No sound.
"Mmm mm mmm—"
Kyle blinked. "Are you humming?"
He noticed her lips, sealed shut with glowing thread.
Kyle blinked. "Did the system just… censor her?"
Villagers gasped.
"He silenced her with words!"
"The Divine Tongue!"
The soldiers began murmuring.
Kyle muttered, "Hey system. Undo it. I feel bad."
[ Request Granted. ]
The knight's mouth reopened.
"I will never forget this insult."
She turned and left.
Kyle blinked.
"I didn't even do anything."
Lina leaned forward. "You did mute her."
"But that just happened. Not me that actually doing it."
"Yes, in your prespective. For us, mere human. It was a divine power wher—"
"Stop." His hand covered the girl's mouth. "I won't hear it."
He was now relaxed, because he thought he had succeeded in driving away the female knight.
But he doesn't realize yet, everything he does and the system will make things more and more complicated.