Hook: When the Sky Sends a Beast
The heavens were clearly getting annoyed.
First, a divine bride.Then a celestial inspector.Then a demonic grandmaster with anger issues.
So this time… they sent a beast.
A very big one.
It arrived on a pillar of thunderous clouds, descending with the force of a minor apocalypse. Lightning shaped like dragons crackled around it.
Mu Lian stared up in horror.
"That's a Sky-Bound Jade Qilin. Rank: Mythical. Divine beast class."
Fang Mei's eyes sparkled. "It's… so fluffy."
I yawned. "Did Heaven really just send a big dog to test us?"
Mu Lian stepped back. "Qilins are divine judges. It's testing if we're worthy of our accreditation."
I nodded thoughtfully.
"Anyone bring snacks?"
The Arrival of Divine Fluff
The Qilin landed in our courtyard with a celestial thud.
It looked like a fusion of a lion, a dragon, a stag, and the embodiment of moral pressure. Its fur glowed with sacred light. Every breath it took resonated with a chime of virtue.
Then it stared directly at me.
A voice boomed into our minds.
"Your sect is an anomaly. You must be judged."
I stood, slowly.
"Can it wait ten minutes?"
The Qilin's eyes narrowed.
"The Dao is not delayed by naps."
"Mine is."
The Trial of Worthiness (Sort Of)
The Qilin summoned a divine flame.
"Present your most powerful cultivator."
Mu Lian stepped forward.
"No," I said. "You're too uptight."
Fang Mei raised her hand.
"She drools in her sleep," Mu Lian warned.
"Then it must be me," I declared.
The Qilin flared its aura.
"You have no killing intent. No wrath. No ambition."
"Exactly."
"How do you intend to withstand divine judgment?"
I walked to a stone bench, spread out a mat, and patted the spot beside me.
"With stillness."
The Beast Hesitates
The Qilin pawed the earth.
"I am a creature of balance. A beast of celestial trials. I cannot be swayed by tricks."
"Not a trick," I said. "Just... sit. Feel the wind. Breathe. Try being."
It growled.
"The Dao is not found through stillness!"
Mu Lian muttered, "Actually, quite a few classical sects argue the opposite."
The beast blinked at her.
"…Really?"
I added, "We even have a pamphlet."
When Divine Pressure Meets Belly Rubs
Fang Mei approached, holding a bowl of chilled spirit fruit and a comb made of cloudsteel.
"Good Qilin," she cooed. "Want a scratch behind the ears?"
Mu Lian nearly choked.
"You can't just treat a heavenly beast like a pet!"
The Qilin bristled.
"I am the last of the Sky-Bound Lineage—"
Fang Mei scratched behind its antlers.
Its legs buckled.
"…Oh heavens."
Then it flopped.
Directly onto its side.
With a sigh.
I smiled. "Our greatest weapon... unconditional comfort."
System Message: Divine Threat Neutralized
Sky-Bound Jade Qilin – Status: "Spiritually Petted"Sect Defense Bonus: +1 "Fluff-Based Diplomacy"New Follower Gained: Divine Beast Companion – UnnamedUnique Trait: Will defend the sect if anyone interrupts nap time.
Heaven's Confusion Escalates
A message appeared in the clouds:
"What is happening?" – Heavenly Oversight Department
We sent a reply via paper crane:
"Just chilling."
There was a long pause.
Then a single word scrawled in divine script:
"Unacceptable."
Later: Strange Peace
The Qilin curled up in our courtyard, now wearing a robe Fang Mei stitched that said "Judge Less, Nap More."
Mu Lian shook her head. "You just befriended a sacred beast with snacks and scratches."
"Worked better than punching it."
She glanced at the beast, now snoring softly beside a sun-warmed rock.
"…What are we becoming?"
"A sanctuary," I replied. "For the tired. The lost. The absurd."
Mu Lian considered that.
"…Still think you're an idiot."
I raised my teacup. "Only on even days."
Final Message from the Divine Realms
That evening, a heavenly decree arrived, wrapped in golden thread.
It read:
"Effective immediately, the Broken Heaven Sect is placed under celestial observation. No further inspectors will be sent until a proper explanation can be formulated."
"In short: You are confusing. But not currently illegal."
We framed it.
Fang Mei hung it above the hammock lounge.