Exams day.
Sabuko sat in the back, eyes fixed on the Chūnin at the front. The man silently scanned a clipboard, occasionally glancing at the students seated and waiting their turn.
'I see. He's the one calling students in when it's their time. They leave the room to perform the Bunshin Jutsu in front of Iruka and... Mizuki, I think. His co-examiner. If they pull it off, they graduate.'
'…If I'm not mistaken, that's also the guy who lets Naruto steal the Kage Bunshin scroll, right? And then gets absolutely wrecked afterward.'
His eyes narrowed slightly.
'Alright. No need to take any wild risks or disrupt the main plot. All I have to really do is learn it from Naruto AFTER he learned the Kage Bunshin.'
'... And I just know how to earn his favor.' His fist clenched in excitement.
'That aside...'
"Say," Sabuko leaned toward Takos. "Where's that Yuhi girl you're always crushing on? Not in our classroom?"
'I thought I'd run into her at least once by now…'
"...Why do you ask?" Takos replied, eyes narrowing.
"No reason. Just figured if we're on the same team, she should be studying with us, right?" Sabuko shrugged, then turned his head toward him.
"Besides, why the look? I gave you my word, didn't I? She's all yours." Sabuko added.
Takos said nothing, but his glare sharpened.
'Untrusting little bastard, aren't you?'
"Next! Sabuko Kanto!" the Chūnin called out.
'I guess that's my cue.'
Sabuko shifted his gaze from Takos to the front of the room, then stood and made his way down the stairs, passing row after row of indifferent students who didn't even glance in his direction.
Not a single member of the main cast spared him a look.
'I really am a mob character, huh?'
He exited the classroom and stepped into the exam room, where Mizuki and Iruka sat at the front, eyes fixed on him.
He looked at Iruka and smirked.
'But… woah. Iruka-sensei from Naruto just called my name… That's highkey so cool.'
"You seem happy. I hope for your sake that's confidence," Iruka noted as Sabuko approached.
"Yes, sir!—Erh, I mean, Sensei!"
A few seconds later...
Sabuko returned to his seat as the chunin continued calling names.
"...."
Neither of them said a word at first.
"...Thanks," Sabuko muttered. Takos flinched.
"For teaching me. I passed."
"...."
"Just remember your end of the bargain...!" Takos replied with a frown.
"Yep. Yuhi's yours…" Sabuko sighed, lowering his head into his crossed arms, worn out. "Dude, it's just some kid. Stop being so tight up your a... Head."
Takos looked at him for a moment, brow furrowed.
"...Yuhi-chan's not just some kid!" Takos began.
"...?"
'Finally willing to spill it, huh?'
"She's a Jōnin, and we're going to be her Genin team!! Kurenai Yuhi is the prettiest girl in the whole world, you hear!?"
'...Oh.' Sabuko's eyebrow rose.
'I pictured Yuhi as another timid Hinata that's with us in this class, but it's actually KURENAI-sensei! She's a canon Naruto character!'
He patted Takos's shoulder. 'Kinda proud of you, man. She's a good pick.'
"W-what—?!" Takos jerked back as he pushed Sabuko's arm off him.
"Oh, nothing. Just recognizing a fellow mommy lover."
"M-MOMMY LOVER!?" He swatted Sabuko's hand away, face blazing. "J-Just because she's older doesn't make her a mom! She's single—single!—and she's still the prettiest girl in the village! Being twenty-seven doesn't mean I'm out of her league!"
"Relax, dude. I'm not judging. Tip of the day, though... never mention age around women." Sabuko leaned back, smiling. "It's really rude."
"Hmph, see, Shikamaru?" Ino called from the row ahead, flipping her hair. "There are sensible guys in this class besides Sasuke-kun after all."
Sabuko's heart skipped a beat.
'Holy crap, a main-cast character just spoke about me!'
"Huh? Why're you talking to me like I care about stuff like that..." Shikamaru replied. Annoyed.
Ino and Shikamaru resumed chatting. Takos leaned closer after glancing at Ino.
"I-I see, that is sensible?"
'Bastard. Asking me that only after Ino confirmed it for you? Guess we'll just never trust each other. Fine by me. I'm just using you to get what I want too, you prick.'
"... Yeah. Don't like, spell her age on a cake." Sabuko muttered as he scratched his head.
"Is that stuff really true, Hinata?" Kiba casually asked her.
"I... Uhm... Not... Really sure..." She murmured as she looked down.
"That's just dumb," Takos narrowed his eyes again, "I LOVE seeing my age on a birthday cake. You're trying to sabotage me after all, aren't you?!"
Sabuko fought to stay conscious.
"Just do whatever you want, Taco Burger." Sabuko rolled his eyes, while at the same time trying to keep them open.
"It's Takos Bruger!"
'Damn… can't sleep yet. Have to learn Kage Bunshin. Body's wrecked... Chakra reserves on fumes after that last Bunshin + whole night of training. Stay awake…'
He pressed his fingernail's tip into his thumb, drawing a bead of blood to stay awake.
'Just a little longer, body. hold on... There's just one thing I must do to gain Naruto's favor. If I don't do it now, Kage Bunshin will be much farther away!'
Everything after that went by in a blur.
Iruka and Mizuki congratulated everyone for passing.
Everyone except Naruto who, following the main plot events, failed. Parents waited outside, all smiles and cheers.
He was alone on that swing. He had only a few minutes before Mizuki came to pick him up.
'It's now or never...!!'
Sabuko stumbled through the academy halls, fighting to stay upright.
Takos followed, dumbfounded, "Dude! What are you doing!?"
"DON'T MIND IT! HANDLE MY PARENTS IF THEY GET HERE!" Sabuko growled, eyes fixed forward, his body screaming in protest with every step.
Takos slowed, watching as Sabuko pushed through the doors and out toward the park — the place where all the kids were meeting their parents, basking in praise and hugs.
"Mommy's proud of you..." one parent cooed.
"Tonight, Daddy's treating you to anything you want!" said another.
"We're so proud of you, honey..."
'Parents, parents, proud, proud... fuck all of them,' Sabuko thought, teeth gritted as he weaved through the crowd.
"Naruto's all by himself..." someone whispered.
"Stay away from him, sweetie. He's dangerous."
Sabuko's fists tightened.
"You shouldn't associate with that boy."
"He's a bad kid."
Sabuko took a deep breath.
'I'm here just to use him. Kid was born a privileged bastard anyway who's destined to rule them all with a GOLDEN FUCKING SPOON UP HIS ASS!!' Sabuko thought to himself.
"Just a troublemaker."
"A symbol of misfortune..."
'Those fucking villagers...!'
"A perverted ruffian."
'!!!'
Sabuko's fists clenched harder with every word.
'He's just a KID, you fuckers!'
"He's the only one who failed, right? Expected of him..."
"Imagine if someone like him became a Ninja."
"Pft, I know."
Sabuko shoved past them, eyes locking on Naruto — alone on the swing.
"H-Hey! Kid! What are you doing?" a parent called out as Sabuko staggered forward.
'He's not some fat, perverted, sick-in-the-head dildo shoving fucker like me that he deserves to get this bullshit treatment from all of you!'
Shikamaru turned, alongside Ino and Choji. "Hm?"
"Huh?" Sakura muttered, holding her parents' hands. "Someone's… going toward Naruto?"
"Na...ruto...!" He called out.
Sabuko staggered two steps closer. The only one out of that whole crowd.
"H... Huh?" Naruto looked up from the swing, confused. "Who are y—"
Sabuko grabbed both his shoulders, using him to keep himself standing.
"You... are... not... as bad... as they say... Naruto..." he said with a trembling voice, smiling through half-lidded eyes on the brink of collapse.
Naruto's eyes widened.
"Eh...?"
"You... Worked hard... I noticed..! Don't let those bastards tell you that you're... not worthy!"
"...!!"
Naruto's lips trembled.
"...!" Sakura gasped. Hinata looked away, biting her lip in shame. One by one, everyone — students, parents — stopped and stared.
"It's not your... fault... that people... Look down on you... It's not your fault that... You failed... the exam... You did... nothing... w-wrong..."
Sabuko swayed.
'Fuck... I'm... losing consciousness...'
"It's not your fault... That you're... Alone..."
"So... Let's... Be... Friends..."
His eyelids shut. The world turned black. He could faintly feel his body slam against the ground.
"S-SABUKO!!" A woman's voice, firm and panicked.
'M-must be my mom... Whatever...'
'I did what I had to do. Now... I'll definitely learn... the Kage Bunshin no... Jutsu...'
'And get... My foxgirl... mommy domme harem... With huge cocks...'