"Was it Gugalanna, the Bull of Heaven, who destroyed the temple, unleashed the black tide, and triggered the flash flood?"
"Yes!"
"He was under Apsu's control, and you had absolutely nothing to do with it?"
"Exactly!"
"You got to Kutha in time, set up defenses, and stopped the attack?"
"That's right!"
"And as planned, Gugalanna has been dragged into the underworld?"
"Yep!"
"So... this was a great victory?"
"Definitely!"
"Alright then, let's hear about your glorious achievement..."
In the royal palace's Divine Tower, the Shepherd Priest—currently acting ruler—stood before the war table, smiling as he questioned the War Goddess, who had supposedly just secured another grand victory.
Ishtar's guilty smile froze. Her gaze flickered nervously toward the sand table.
"At the very least, U-Uruk's still standing, right?"
Bang!
A hand came down on her head, fingers lightly splayed but tightening like a vice. The pressure made the Great Goddess clutch her skull and whimper.
"Let go, let go! Ow ow ow—!"
"Kutha's gone! The Euphrates burst its banks! The Phragmites Prairie is underwater! And Gugalanna ran off!"
"If Quetzalcoatl hadn't returned in time, even Uruk would be finished! What exactly did you protect?!"
"Talk! Are you a spy planted by Apsu?!"
Samael's grin twisted into something feral. His hand clamped tighter, nearly compressing Ishtar's head a size smaller.
"It was just... a little accident!"
"I said I was wrong, okay?!"
Ishtar wailed, circling around Samael with a pitiful expression, trying to defend herself.
Watching this pair—supposedly united by a "Sacred Marriage"—bicker and chase each other across the Divine Tower, Siduri, Ana, Merlin, and the others could only hold their foreheads in silence.
...
Half an hour later, Ishtar stood by the pillar at the Divine Tower's entrance, a massive bump on her head and a clay tablet clutched in her arms. Tears welled up in her eyes as she sobbed.
"Waaaah... this is too cruel... way too cruel..."
On the front of the tablet, inscribed in cuneiform and stamped with the royal seal, was a single phrase:
"I am a useless goddess."
"Siduri, listen to me—this is blasphemy! He's going to get divine punishment for this!"
Seeing the devout High Priestess approaching with a hint of pity, Ishtar cried out, clearly indignant.
Even Siduri, who was known for her calm and gentle nature, rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Lady Goddess, you chose this punishment yourself."
"The Shepherd Priest said, considering you're a goddess, you could be granted leniency. You were allowed to pay with gems and currency as compensation for the Kutha citizens relocated to Uruk—"
"And they want to deduct it from my savings in the Babylonian Treasury?! That's evil!"
Ishtar's head shook like a rattling drum, her expression full of grief and righteous outrage.
"You can choose—either your money or your divine dignity."
"Waaah, Siduri, help me..."
"You regret it? Then I'll go report to the Shepherd Priest and request a more suitable punishment."
"No, wait! I meant—my arms are sore, my neck's stiff—could you help carry me for a bit?"
The priestess, who had been walking over with an air of grace and reverence, stopped cold. Her face darkened, her lips twitched... and without another word, she turned around and walked off.
A moment later, Samael, still standing at the sand table, heard Siduri's report and let out a disgruntled snort.
"Making money's nothing to be ashamed of."
"So if she suffers a little because of it, it's only fair. And if we don't teach her a lesson, she'll just do it again—believe me."
Even Siduri, who held a natural reverence for the divine, could only nod helplessly.
Ishtar clutched the clay tablet marking her punishment—sealed with the royal crest and imbued with a binding spell by the priestesses.
Once she held it, she couldn't use any divine power to ease the burden.
At first, the Head Priestess had thought offering such a penalty option seemed a bit disrespectful toward their goddess.
But when Ishtar heard she could avoid paying compensation, she didn't even hesitate—immediately chose the second option with zero shame.
"Siduri, in Ishtar's name, deliver compensation to the people of Kutha who lost their city-state, and help them rebuild homes around Uruk."
"And make sure the message spreads—that Kutha sacrificed itself for the survival of Uruk and Sumer..."
"Just like the twin goddesses guard Mesopotamia together, the people of Kutha are the kin and brothers of Uruk."
Samael tapped the edge of the war table, scowling as he forcefully reframed the chaos-causing goddesses as noble, compassionate sisters—reclaiming their honor and covering the mess.
Siduri nodded earnestly. While this Shepherd Priest lacked the almost spell-like authority of King Gilgamesh, he had a talent for understanding people's hearts—making him far easier to trust.
"Oh, and before you head out—tell Ishtar she has to hold that clay tablet until sunset. If it touches the ground even once, she's fined two cartloads of gemstones!"
Just as the priestess was leaving with her list of tasks, Samael furrowed his brow and added the condition with a grumble.
Seriously—asking a regular person to stand and hold a clay tablet all day? That kind of soreness would be unforgettable.
Nearby, Ana, Merlin, and the Jaguar Warriors couldn't help but smirk. They almost burst out laughing.
And when a slightly teary wail echoed from the doorway at the announcement of the new punishment, Samael's bad mood lifted a little.
But soon, his gaze turned back toward the lands beyond Uruk's south gate—filled with heavy gloom and frustration.
Sending Ereshkigal and Ishtar out on a joint mission without leaving a contingency plan... was without a doubt his biggest blunder.
Who could've predicted their knack for screwing things up at critical moments had basically turned into a cosmic constant?
What should've been a clean ambush ended in disaster. Kutha was lost. Even Gugalanna, the Bull of Heaven, who had fallen into the underworld, had escaped.
In the end, Uruk barely avoided destruction.
It had taken Kukulkan's last-minute arrival and her well-timed throw of the Piedra del Sol to turn the tide.
Sometimes, Samael honestly wondered if just letting Gugalanna do his thing would've been less trouble.
Now that the main culprit had accepted punishment, it was only fair to consider consequences for the accomplice who let the Bull escape—Ereshkigal.
As dusk settled, the old serpent rubbed his chin, deep in thought.
If I'm stuck cleaning up her mess... maybe the best punishment is a spanking?
...
Meanwhile, in the underworld, the blonde goddess was taking inventory of the damage and overseeing emergency repairs to the Spear Cage when, out of nowhere, her nose itched—and she sneezed loudly.
An odd tingling crept up from her tailbone to the top of her head.
Tch! Damn Ishtar! Completely unreliable!
Just you wait—next time, I'm hanging you at the temple gate and curing you into jerky!
Ereshkigal scowled at the ravaged terrain of the underworld and the flooding River Styx. Her expression darkened as she spat the words.
She'd come to help, and somehow only made things worse.
For now, there was no way she had the face to appear before Uruk's Shepherd Priest again.