CHAPTER 6: I'm Not a Hobo, I'm a Solo Adventurer!
Scene: Raiko, Alone in the Woods
Covered in dirt. Picking weeds. Screaming into the void.
> "WHERE IS MY CHEAT POWER?! THIS AIN'T WHAT ANIME PROMISED ME!!"
He had joined the Adventurers' Guild on day one. He was ready. He was hopeful. He thought his "legendary artifact guitar" would glow. Or explode. Or at least do something useful besides knocking over mugs of ale.
It didn't.
He also couldn't use magic. For whatever reason. ("Maybe because I'm too grounded in reality," he told himself.)
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The Viking Phase™
So he chose a battle axe. Declared himself a "metal berserker." Tried to roleplay as a viking.
It worked... a little.
He was strong enough to beat up thugs, 1 through 5. But when it came to monsters?
He got too excited. Forgot to put points into "Not Dying."
Also refused to take normal jobs.
> "Adventuring is the ONLY valid career for an isekai'd man of culture!"
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Raiko's Reputation So Far:
Failed his first dungeon after getting too excited in hunting goblin "for the EXP."
Once screamed "FOR VALHALLA!!" right before falling into a pit trap.
Got kicked out of a party after headbanging so hard he knocked out their healer.
Sleeps behind the guild most nights, next to the chicken coop.
> "I'm not homeless! I'm dedicated! Metalheads don't need beds!"
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His Only Approved Quests:
✅ Pick Wild Herbs
✅ Escort This Lost Goat
✅ Deliver This Mildly Cursed Envelope (do not open)
He's stuck in tutorial-tier side quests. Villagers think he's an eccentric scarecrow with anger issues.
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The Guitar Problem
The axe-shaped guitar? A cheap, cursed, one-pickup knockoff of a Synyster Gates model—minus the bats, minus the glory. Bought secondhand from a kid who traded it for vape juice.
Raiko calls it: Black Despair Mk. II.
It buzzes. It hums. It smells vaguely of soy sauce and regret.
Once, he smacked a goblin with it in frustration— and accidentally vaporized a nearby shrub with a weak sonic burst.
> "WAIT WHAT THE—WAS THAT A POWER?! …That's pathetic."
He shoved it back in his pack.
What he doesn't know: The guitar is unbreakable. Unrepairable. Only reacts to raw emotion.
In other words: The gods gave him a divine instrument that only works when he's emotionally unstable. A perfect fit. And also an insult.
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The Guild Clerk's Notes:
Name: Raiko
(Refuses to give his real name. Probably fake anyway.)
Class: ???
(Keeps saying "Metal Bringer," "Doom Shredder," or "Dark Lord." None of which are real classes.)
Rank: F Minus
Status:
Shouting at trees
Possibly cursed
Extremely loud
Low potential
Dangerous only to small furniture
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Somewhere, far across the town…
Noona ate soup calmly with a spoon carved from obsidian.
She sneezed.
> "Raiko's being dumb again."
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[TO BE CONTINUED]
— Author's Note — Shoutout to everyone who's ever had a powerful artifact that doesn't work unless you're emotionally unstable. You're not broken. You're just narratively spicy.
Also, Raiko definitely sleeps like a feral bard raccoon and I respect that. – H. Behevras
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© 2025 H. Behevras | First published on Royal Road
Do not repost without permission.