Rosaria Ellis—that is, Min Jiwon in the body of the saintess—stood frozen in front of a mirror, gripping the hem of her frilly white dress like it had personally offended her.
"This… this is what I'm wearing? I look like a magical tofu!" she whisper-shrieked.
Her reflection stared back: porcelain skin, soft pink lips, big hazel eyes sparkling with innocence she did not have. Her hair glowed like it had been shampooed in sunlight and hope. A delicate silver charm dangled from her neck, pulsing faintly with some kind of divine energy.
"I swear I look like a Disney princess who gets murdered in the first act," she muttered, pulling at the sleeves. "Where's the fantasy armor? Or at least a cool hood?"
"Stop fidgeting!" Riri hissed, floating beside her with a comb twice her size. "You are the Saintess! You're supposed to radiate purity and grace, not panic and sarcasm!"
"I radiate anxiety and back pain, Riri. That's all I got."
Just then, a soft knock came at the door. "Lady Rosaria? The priests are ready to depart. The carriage awaits."
Jiwon's soul briefly left her body.
"I can't talk to priests!" she hissed. "What if I accidentally curse? What if they ask me to bless something?! I don't even know what holy magic is!"
"You'll be fine...I believe." Riri said, clearly lying.
"No, no, no. I was not built for public appearances. I was built for spreadsheets and awkward elevator rides."
But the door creaked open anyway, and in walked an elderly nun with the softest smile Jiwon had ever seen. She held a basket of freshly baked bread in one hand and a bundle of folded clothes in the other.
"Sweet child," the nun said warmly, "the time has come for you to embrace your fate."
"I'd rather embrace that bread," Jiwon blurted, eyes locked on the golden loaf.
The nun giggled as if she had told a charming joke and handed her a small satchel. "The journey to the capital will take two days. Please take care, Lady Saintess."
Jiwon nodded slowly, brain buffering.
"Wait. Two days? In a carriage?"
"Yes, my lady."
"With horses and everything?"
"Yes, my lady."
Jiwon turned to Riri in horror. "DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO CAMPED BEFORE?! I once cried because the power went out for four hours!"
"You'll be fine," Riri said again. Still lying.
Other people couldn't see riri, but luckily she didn't have to talk out loud to communicate with it? Her? Anyway, she would've looked like a crazy person (as if she doesn't already) talking to empty space.
Minutes later, Jiwon was sitting in a gilded white carriage pulled by four very majestic, very judgmental horses. Across from her sat two priests—both young, both painfully handsome, both staring at her like she was a sacred relic.
She tried to smile.
She ended up baring her teeth like an awkward baby walrus.
"So… uh… weather's nice," she muttered.
One of the priests bowed his head. "Lady Rosaria, it is truly an honor to accompany the blessed one. The Holy Light has finally returned to the empire."
"Oh. Yeah. Light. Very holy. Super bright," she said, giving a thumbs up.
They stared.
She coughed. "So… how does holy magic work? Asking for a friend."
The other priest blinked. "You… are the Saintess."
"Right! Haha. Just testing you. You passed."
Riri facepalmed in the corner..'
She turned to the window, watching the countryside roll past. It looked like a fantasy screensaver—golden fields, rolling hills, birds that chirped like they were paid to be happy.
For a moment, she relaxed.
Okay… maybe this isn't the worst. At least there's fresh air. No deadlines. No bosses yelling because I didn't cc someone properly.
Then she shifted on the carriage seat.
...Oh no. My butt's going numb.
---
They stopped by a sparkling river around noon for lunch. The priests set up a cloth and pulled out cute little bundles of bread and cheese.
Jiwon immediately flopped onto the grass like a pancake and groaned. "My back is broken."
"Are you communing with nature, Lady Rosaria?" the younger priest asked, eyes full of wonder.
"Yes," she said, face-down in the grass. "Me and nature are very close right now."
"You are humiliating."
'I have grass in my mouth. Leave me alone.' Rosaria answered without actually making a sound
Riri floated nearby, sipping her stupid sparkly tea.
Rosaria sat up with a sigh, reaching for the bread. She took a bite and stared at the sky.
"This would actually be relaxing if I wasn't waiting for something to go horribly wrong."
"Relax. No one's going to drop a piano on your head."
'You're saying that because you know something is going to happen.'
A soft wind rustled the trees.
The birds stopped chirping.
The horses neighed restlessly.
Jiwon narrowed her eyes.
'See? Novel rule #37: When the birds go quiet, something dumb is about to happen.'
Then—
CRACK!
A tree exploded on the edge of the clearing.
Horses screamed.
The priests leapt up, staffs in hand, magic shimmering at their fingertips.
From the trees, men in dirty cloaks and terrible haircuts emerged. Some carried swords, others had crossbows. One guy had an eye patch.
Of course.
"Hand over the Saintess!" the leader shouted.
Rosaria threw her bread at him on instinct.
It bounced off his forehead and rolled away uselessly.
"…Seriously?!" she squeaked. "I JUST got here!"
The priests stood in front of her. "Stay behind us, Lady Rosaria!"
'What do I do?!'
'You sit there and don't die! That's your job!'
One of the priests slammed his staff into the ground. A wall of golden light burst forth, throwing two bandits backward.
Jiwon watched, wide-eyed.
Holy crap. Real magic. Real danger. Real screaming. This is a literal isekai death flag!
Then one of the bandits managed to slip past the barrier and rushed straight at her, sword raised.
Rosaria froze.
Time slowed.
She grabbed the only thing within reach—her lunch bundle—and hurled the bread with all her might.
THUNK!
Direct hit. Right between the eyes.
The bandit staggered.
"DIVINE CARBS!" she shrieked.
He fell over.
Silence.
Everyone stared.
The younger priest gasped. "The Saintess… blessed the bread."
"Ahem…Sure," she wheezed. "Let's go with that."
The remaining bandits, apparently terrified of being smacked unconscious by divine bakery, fled.
Jiwon collapsed onto the grass. "I'm retiring."
'You just got here.'
"I don't care. I peaked."
---
That night, they set up camp by the river.
A glowing tent was summoned just for her. Inside was a warm bedroll, soft blankets, and a heavenly-scented herbal pillow.
Rosaria curled up in the bed, staring at the ceiling.
The priests were outside, praying.
Riri floated above her, her tiny wings glowing faintly.
'I can't believe I won a fight with a bread roll,' Jiwon muttered silently.
'Honestly? It was iconic. The Goddess might make it canon.'
She snorted.
Then sighed.
What am I even doing? I don't belong here. I don't know how to bless anything. I barely know how to boil rice.
'You're doing fine.' riri said.
I panicked and screamed "divine carbs."
'You're doing fine… for you.'
She smiled weakly.
"…Do you think I'll get the hang of this?"
'Maybe. You've got time. You're not expected to fix the world overnight.'
"Good. Because tomorrow, I'm probably going to trip over my own dress and fall into the fountain."
'Can't wait.'
---
As she drifted off, Jiwon thought about the villainess.
Seraphina.
In the novel, Seraphina was framed, hated, and eventually executed.
But not if Jiwon had anything to say about it.
No way was she letting that girl suffer just to fuel some angsty romance arc with a trash prince.
Nope. If she had to be the saintess, she was going to rewrite the story. Save the villainess. Flip the script. And help her find her true love.
Maybe… I too will finally fall in love?
Jiwon frowned.
"I still haven't held hands," she whispered into her pillow.
Riri floated lower.
'Then let's make this life count, Rosaria Ellis.'
Jiwon sighed and pulled the blanket over her head.
"…Do I have to wear lace every day?"
'Yes.'
"I hate this already."