I woke up feeling sick.
Not just "I had too much rice last night" sick, but cold in my bones sick.
I sat up slowly on my thin mattress in the girls' room, blinking at the bare ceiling.
We were only five now.
Just five.
Mia was brushing her hair at the little shared mirror.
She caught my eye.
"Morning," she said softly.
I tried to smile.
It didn't really land.
Joshua poked his head in the door a few seconds later.
"Kuya wants us all in the living room. He said ASAP."
I felt my stomach drop.
That tone from Kuya never meant something simple.
We filed in.
The living room felt cramped with so few people.
The silence was heavy.
Kuya's voice crackled.
"Housemates, today you will face the Tapatan Challenge."
I felt my fingers tighten around my pajama pants.
He went on.
"You will sit in front of your former housemates, those who have been evicted. They will ask you questions. Honest questions. Difficult questions. You are expected to answer sincerely."
My mouth went dry.
Shit.
"And after the questioning, your ex-housemates will vote. They will choose who among you they believe deserves to be in the Big 4."
No one spoke.
You could have heard a pin drop.
"Prepare yourselves," Kuya finished.
We were given an hour to change.
I sat on the edge of my bed holding my clean shirt.
My mind was racing.
What would they ask me?
What wouldn't they ask me?
I pulled on my jeans slowly, fingers fumbling at the button.
It was like dressing for an execution.
When i rejoined the others, Joshua tried to make a joke.
"Maybe they'll go easy on us."
No one laughed.
They led us to the activity area.
It was set up like some twisted talk show.
Five chairs in a row for us.
Opposite us, the ex-housemates sat waiting.
I swallowed.
Hard.
They looked so... composed.
Almost smug.
But there was hurt in their eyes too.
We were the ones who'd survived this long.
They hadn't.
We sat down.
The cameras zoomed in.
Kuya's voice boomed over the speakers.
"You may begin."
For a few heartbeats no one spoke.
Then Kath leaned forward.
Her voice was low.
"Let's not pretend. We all know why this is awkward."
Pablo gave a short, humorless laugh.
"You're damn right."
My heart pounded.
Ex-Housemate cleared her throat.
"Margaux, let's start with you."
Of course.
I didn't flinch.
I forced my chin up.
"Okay."
She stared at me.
Eyes hard.
"Do you really think people buy your victim act? Even in here?"
My mouth opened and shut.
A spike of heat rose to my face.
"I'm not acting," I said hoarsely.
Enzo snorted.
"Come on, Margaux. You cry, you apologize, you say you didn't know. But outside, you were the It Girl, right? Miss Favorite Actress. The bank heiress. Did you even think how it looked?"
I blinked hard.
My mouth felt thick.
"I know how it looked," I whispered.
My voice cracked.
"And i know no one believed me. But i wasn't trying to steal anyone. I didn't even know—"
Pablo interrupted.
"You didn't know or you didn't care?"
Silence.
I bit the inside of my cheek.
"I didn't know," I said quietly.
"I cared too much about my image to ever do something like that on purpose."
Kath was watching me like she could see right through me.
"Then why didn't you say anything sooner? Why wait until you were in here?"
My jaw trembled.
"Because nothing i said mattered," I said.
Finally.
Honestly.
"Every time i tried to explain it just got worse. They wanted me to shut up, so i did and they hated me for it anyway."
The silence was suffocating.
Sofia leaned back.
"Okay. Let's move on."
They asked Mia about riding on others' popularity.
They grilled Joshua about playing too safe.
They questioned Mariel about starting drama.
They accused of coasting.
One by one.
It was brutal.
But they kept circling back to me.
Enzo finally spoke up.
"You know what bugs me? You cry a lot, Margaux. You say you're sorry. But you always seem so... rehearsed."
That hurt.
Because i knew how it looked.
"I'm not... rehearsed," I said softly.
My eyes burned.
"But i've had to be careful for so long. I don't know how to just be messy in public. Even in here, i'm trying not to explode."
I felt the tears slip.
"I don't want you to pity me," I said.
My voice was shaking.
"But don't call me fake just because i'm trying to survive."
Silence again.
Pablo looked at me.
His expression was weirdly sympathetic.
"Is there anything you'd want to say to the people watching? Right now?"
I breathed out.
Slow.
Painful.
"Yeah."
I wiped my nose on my sleeve.
"I'm sorry for everything, for being messy, for being selfish, for being privileged, for not knowing what i didn't know."
I closed my eyes.
"But i'm not sorry for being here. For trying, For wanting to change, For fighting to stay in something i love."
Kuya's voice came on.
"Thank you, housemates. Ex-housemates, please make your decisions."
They all stood.
Huddled.
Talking in low voices.
We just sat there.
My heart was in my throat.
I could hear snippets.
"She's too risky."
"She's actually been honest."
"Is it real though?"
"I don't know..."
Finally they turned back.
Kuya's voice:
"Please announce your choices."
Kath stepped forward.
"Margaux... we're putting you in the Big 4."
My head jerked up.
What?
I couldn't speak.
She swallowed.
"You pissed me off in here. A lot. But you answered. You didn't run. And you need this chance."
Pablo nodded.
"You fought. You didn't coast. Even if i don't trust you completely."
Sofia shrugged.
"I still think you're fake sometimes. But you're trying. I'll give you that."
I covered my mouth with my hand.
Hot tears spilled over.
I couldn't breathe.
I felt Mia's hand slip into mine.
Squeezing.
Joshua clapped my shoulder.
"Big 4, Margaux," he whispered.
I laughed.
Choked on a sob.
I wiped my face frantically.
God, the cameras.
But i couldn't stop crying.
Kuya's voice filled the space.
"Congratulations to the new Big 4."
I was shaking.
Shaking so hard i thought i might fall out of the chair.
I'd made it.
Somehow.
Even with all the ugliness.
All the questions.
All the doubt.
They still gave me this.
-
When the ex-housemates left, we gathered back in the living room.
It was quiet.
But not cold.
Joshua handed me a tissue.
"You okay?"
I laughed wetly.
"No. But thanks."
Mia hugged me.
"You deserved it."
Angel gave me a crooked smile.
"Don't get a big head, huh?"
Mark just nodded.
"I didn't vote for you, but... you earned it."
I breathed out.
Earned it.
-
Later, when the lights dimmed and the cameras pulled back a little, I sat alone in the corner.
Arms wrapped around my knees.
I thought about all the questions they'd asked.
All the ways i'd failed.
All the ways i'd tried.
I wasn't healed.
Not even close.
But i was still here.
And for now?
That was enough.