i stepped out of the clinic.
the door creaked as i pushed it open, its sound blending with the buzzing voices right outside.
two students were standing near the hallway, laughing, unaware—or maybe they knew i could hear them.
> "did you see that guy? the one who got knocked out by a KOS member?"
> "HAHAHA bro he's the lamest boyfriend i've ever seen."
their words weren't sharp like knives.
they were worse.
they were echoes. echoes of what i already believed about myself.
why does it always have to be like this?
why does everything feel like a curse stitched to my skin?
i kept walking.
and when they saw me, their laughter only got louder.
> "yo, look! it's that weak boyfriend again!"
"brooo just looking at him makes me cringe!"
my ears heard them.
but my chest… it was numb.
i wanted to disappear.
not just vanish from sight—but from existence.
what's the point of living if this is all i'll ever be?
i can't even protect myself.
so how can i ever protect someone i love?
oh… right.
there's no one left.
my girlfriend—she left.
my parents—dead.
i live with my grandparents now, but they don't love me.
not really.
they hit me.
they yell at me.
i don't even think they see me as a person—just something they're forced to take care of.
and honestly...
i don't know anymore.
i'm tired.
so, so tired.
sometimes it feels like maybe it'd be better if i just rested… forever.
---
i reached my classroom.
i opened the door.
late.
of course.
the teacher didn't say much—just told me to stand in front while she continued the lesson.
my classmates looked at me like i was a walking meme.
some whispered.
others smirked.
no one cared.
and me?
i just stood there.
breathing.
existing.
trying not to cry.
> "is this life supposed to feel this pointless?"
"is this all i'll ever be?"
---
the bell rang.
school was over.
but the ache in my legs wasn't.
she made me stand the whole class.
i didn't complain.
i didn't argue.
i never do.
on the way home, i saw her.
yuki.
my girlfriend—
no, not anymore.
we're nothing now.
but i walked up to her anyway.
my voice low. my hands trembling.
> "yuki... i don't want this anymore. i want to end this."
she looked at me—expressionless.
and said:
> "okay."
just like that.
just… okay?
no hesitation.
no fight.
no apology.
no guilt.
and it hit me—
she'd already moved on.
long before i found the courage to speak.
i stood there.
silent.
watching her walk away.
no—watching the person who used to be my girlfriend walk away.
and i stayed.
still.
alone.
---
i went home.
same boring, broken version of me.
got punched.
got dumped.
got laughed at.
got ignored.
when i stepped inside, my grandfather didn't even look at me.
> "you look disgusting, boy. go to your room.
don't let us see you like that.
come out only when it's time to eat!"
he shouted like i wasn't even human.
like i was just a burden that existed to be tolerated.
i didn't answer.
didn't react.
just walked into my room and shut the door.
---
i lay on the bed.
staring at the ceiling.
and whispered to the god i wasn't even sure listened:
> "lord... today was awful.
it hurts. it really does.
is this okay?
is this how it's supposed to be?"
a long pause.
my body felt heavy.
my heart even more.
> "i don't know if i should keep fighting…
but... whatever.
i'm just going to sleep, lord."
and with that—
i closed my eyes.
and hoped the pain would stay quiet until morning.