I walked through the crowded market with Selene at my side. The air smelled like grilled fish, sweet snacks, and the faint smoke from nearby stalls. People laughed, bargained, and moved around us in gentle waves. Meanwhile, Selene had not stopped teasing me about last night. Every time she mentioned it, my cheeks warmed up like I had been caught doing something terrible.
How could she remember everything when I didn't even remember a single second?
"So, Rin, where are you taking us tonight? I haven't seen any progress on our date, and we have been three feet apart the whole time," Selene said, her lips curling into a knowing smirk.
"No, I am not. I am standing right beside you. How are we three feet apart?" I asked. She watched me with amused eyes as she counted her steps, exaggerating each one before leaning close enough for me to feel the warmth from her shoulder.
"See? Three feet," she said. "You are making me want to take over this date entirely." She moved a little closer, close enough for her perfume to brush the air between us. I looked away quickly. If I looked at her for too long, I knew something inside me would shake.
"Well, I am a boring partner," I muttered, almost hoping the market noise would swallow my words. "If you stay with someone like me, you will be bored your whole life."
Before I could slip away from the topic, she slid her arm around my waist and pulled me in. The movement was soft but confident. My first instinct was to push her off. I even tried to loosen her grip, but her hand stayed firmly around me. Little by little, my struggle softened until all I could do was stand there with her holding me.
"What are you doing, Selene?" I asked, my voice thin with confusion as I tried once more to break free, but the attempt was already weak.
"This," she said in a quiet voice. She pressed a little closer. "This is how you held me tightly last night. You wouldn't let me go. You talked so much that I wondered if this was the same Kisaragi I have been falling for."
Her words poured into me slowly, almost painfully. I froze where I stood. Her eyes were deep and focused, and something inside my chest loosened like a knot untying. Warm and frightening at the same time.
"What else did I say last night, Selene?" My voice came out softer than I intended, I was curious to know.
"You said, if I were a book, you would read me for the rest of your life and never get bored." She lifted her chin slightly as she mimicked my tone. "You said, I want you to be my favorite book. Will you be my favorite book, my Selene?"
I blinked hard. For a moment, I forgot how to breathe. "I would never say that. You are lying. You are toying with me because I do not remember a thing."
But even as I said it, something inside me trembled. A small, stubborn part of me whispered that I could actually say something like that. Not to just anyone. But to someone I loved.
My heart skipped. Then it stumbled. The thought hit me so suddenly that it felt like the air was pulled right out of me. Was I falling for her? Was that even possible? I barely understood what this feeling was, yet it spread quietly through me like warm water.
I took a step back, trying to put distance between us. I adjusted my dress, even though nothing needed fixing. I just needed something to do with my hands.
"No, no, no. You cannot be winning," I whispered, barely able to control my breathing. Every inhale felt shallow. Every exhale felt too quick. This could not be happening. I promised myself I would stay away from people who made my heart beat too fast. I should have stayed away from the very first beat, or kiss.
I did not deserve love. I don't even deserve to be alive. And yet here Selene was, smiling at me like I was worth every second of her attention.
This was only our third date. How could I be feeling this? Was it because of the kisses? That had to be it, because I wanted more. I tried to convince myself, but the more I tried, the harder it became. My mind spun with thoughts so fast I could barely follow them.
My heart raced, but not from excitement. It was panic. The kind that wrapped around my ribs and squeezed tight. I could feel myself slipping into the old fear, the one I had lived with for so long. The fear that I would break my promise to myself. The fear that I would let someone in and ruin everything.
Someone like me should not be loved. Someone like me should stay alone. This is the punishment I deserved. I repeated it again and again, hoping it would calm me down. But it only made the panic grow sharper.
Then suddenly, a body wrapped around me from behind. Cold at first, then warm. Her arms closed around my waist like it was the easiest thing in the world. Her hair fell over my shoulder and brushed my cheek. I inhaled without meaning to, and her scent scattered through me.
I couldn't move.
"… "
Neither of us spoke. Selene did not loosen her hold but she did not tighten it either. She just stayed with me as if she understood something I had not said.
I could feel her breath on my neck. Her heartbeat thumped gently against my back, steady and calm. I wanted to pull away. I should have pulled away. But for some reason my body leaned into her instead, as if it knew something my mind refused to accept.
The voices in my mind went quiet. People moved around us, but it felt like the world had shrunk into a small circle where only her touch existed. Everything else blurred. Everything else became quiet.
Is this really happening? Selene was holding me and there was total silence, How could a simple touch silence the voice inside me? Her hug muted the voices that told me I did not deserve anything? If this was the only way, maybe I should let her win instead.
After standing like that for a long time, I finally found my voice. It felt shaky, but calm.
"Selene… what do you want to eat for dinner tonight?" I whispered. I did not dare turn around, but I knew she was smiling.
"Eating you will be a perfect meal tonight," she said in a slow, teasing voice. Heat rushed to my face as I jumped away from her so quickly I almost tripped.
"What the hell?" I managed, my voice cracking.
"Soba," she said immediately. She straightened her clothes and then laughed. "I meant I want you to cook soba noodles for me."
I stared at her, unsure if my ears had betrayed me.
"Where should we eat then? Let's find a place," I said, trying to sound normal even though my heart was still beating too fast.
"Oh no, Rin. I cooked soba on our last date. You are the one cooking this time. I want to eat what you make," she said.
My mouth fell open. She had to be joking. She knew very well I did not know how to cook. What exactly was she trying to do to me?