CHAPTER 2 - ROMANCE DAWN: SWORDS, SAUSAGES, AND SHENANIGANS
The next morning found Adam and Luffy trekking through the familiar paths of Shimotsuki Village, though Luffy's idea of "trekking" involved a lot of enthusiastic bounding and occasional attempts to eat anything that looked remotely edible. Adam, meanwhile, was meticulously planning. The recruitment of Zoro was next on the agenda, and Adam had a very specific, very ridiculous introduction in mind.
"So, Vice-Captain," Luffy chirped, skipping ahead, "where are we going? Is there meat there?"
"Patience, Captain," Adam replied, adjusting his jacket. "We're going to recruit our first real fighter. A swordsman. A very, very lost swordsman, usually. And yes, I'm sure there will be meat involved eventually. Probably after he tries to kill us for some perceived slight, or because he got lost on the way to the bathroom."
Luffy's eyes widened. "He tries to kill people? Cool!"
"Oh, Luffy. Your definition of 'cool' is so wonderfully, terrifyingly simple. It's like trying to explain quantum physics to a particularly enthusiastic golden retriever."
They soon arrived at the Marine base, a place Adam knew intimately from his years of low-level, high-impact mischief. He pointed to the central courtyard. "Our target, Captain, is currently tied to that post. He's been there for... a while. Because he apparently offended the Marine Captain's son. Who, by the way, is the kind of person who makes you want to invent a new form of torture involving only Nickelback songs on repeat."
Luffy squinted. "Why is he tied up?"
"Because he's a pirate hunter who apparently doesn't understand the concept of 'don't punch the spoiled brat of the guy in charge'," Adam explained dryly. "Or maybe he just really likes being tied up. Some people are into that. Not judging, just observing."
They found Zoro, as expected, tied to a wooden cross, his three swords conspicuously absent. He looked bored, but his eyes, even in boredom, held a dangerous edge. Adam felt the familiar hum of the Connection System.
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: RORONOA ZORO][LIKE METER: 0%][HATE METER: 0%][ACQUIRABLE SKILLS: NONE]
"Zero percent. Expected. The man is a walking block of stoicism. This is going to be fun. Or I'm going to get a sword to the face. Either way, good content."
"Well, well, well," Adam began, stepping forward, a wide, innocent smile on his face. "Look what the tide dragged in. Or rather, what the Marines tied up. Roronoa Zoro, the Pirate Hunter. Or should I say, the 'Tied-Up-And-Probably-Regretting-His-Life-Choices' Hunter?"
Zoro merely opened one eye, glaring at Adam. "Who are you?"
"Adam," he replied, executing a small, sarcastic bow. "Future Vice-Captain of the Straw Hat Pirates. And current purveyor of unsolicited commentary. You know, for a guy with three swords, you seem remarkably unarmed. Did you misplace them? Perhaps they ran away? I hear swords can be quite discerning about their owners."
Zoro's eye twitched. "Get lost."
"Oh, I'm afraid I can't," Adam said, feigning disappointment. "My Captain here has decided you're going to join our crew. He has a habit of making decisions based on gut feelings and whether or not someone looks 'cool.' You, my friend, apparently fit the 'cool' criteria. Though, I'd argue the 'tied to a post' look isn't exactly peak coolness."
Luffy, meanwhile, was already trying to untie Zoro, his rubbery fingers fumbling with the knots. "Shishishishi! Join my crew, swordsman!"
"I'm not joining a pirate crew," Zoro grumbled, still glaring at Adam. "And especially not with this annoying guy."
"Annoying? Me?" Adam placed a hand over his heart, feigning hurt. "I'm merely injecting some much-needed levity into your otherwise grim existence. Besides, you're going to love my pranks. They're like therapy, but with more potential for property damage."
Suddenly, the Marine Captain's son, Helmeppo, strutted into the courtyard, a smug look on his face. "Still tied up, Zoro? Good. You deserve it. And who are these hooligans?"
Adam's eyes narrowed. "Ah, Helmeppo. The walking, talking argument for why rich kids should never be given power. He's like a less charming, more irritating version of Draco Malfoy, if Draco Malfoy had a really bad haircut and an even worse sense of self-awareness."
"Hooligans?" Adam repeated, a dangerous edge creeping into his voice. "My dear Helmeppo, you wound us. We are merely... connoisseurs of justice. And we've come to liberate your prisoner. Because, frankly, he's taking up valuable real estate, and his brooding is ruining the aesthetic of your courtyard."
Helmeppo bristled. "You can't do that! I'll have you arrested!"
"Oh, I'm sure you will," Adam said, his eyes glinting with mischief. "But before you do, I have a small gift for Zoro. A little something to tide him over until he gets his real swords back."
He reached into a small satchel he carried, pulling out three perfectly crafted, glistening fish sausages. They looked remarkably like swords, if you squinted and had a very active imagination.
"Ta-da!" Adam presented them with a flourish. "Behold! The legendary 'Sausage-Sausage Style'! Guaranteed to make your enemies... well, probably laugh themselves to death. Or just get really hungry."
Zoro stared at the fish sausages, then at Adam, a vein throbbing in his forehead. "Are you serious?"
"As a heart attack, my friend!" Adam beamed. "Now, I know they're not exactly Wado Ichimonji, but think of the tactical advantage! Who expects to be attacked by a man wielding breakfast meats?"
Luffy, meanwhile, had finally managed to untie Zoro, who immediately stretched his arms, glaring at Adam.
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: RORONOA ZORO][LIKE METER: 5%][HATE METER: 10%][ACQUIRABLE SKILLS: THREE SWORD STYLE (BASIC STANCES - 10% EFFICIENCY)]
"Ten percent hate? Success! I'm already making an impact. And 'Three Sword Style (Basic Stances - 10% efficiency)'? So, I can probably hold three things at once without dropping them. Excellent. This will be very useful for carrying extra snacks."
Just then, a squad of Marines, led by Helmeppo, charged. Zoro, still fuming about the fish sausages, instinctively reached for his non-existent swords.
"Don't worry, Zoro!" Adam chirped, tossing him one of the fish sausages. "Improvise! Adapt! Overcome! Or, you know, just hit them with a sausage. It's surprisingly effective."
Zoro, with a groan of exasperation, actually caught the sausage. Luffy, finding the entire situation hilarious, launched himself into the fray with a "Gum-Gum Pistol."
Adam, meanwhile, decided to provide a distraction. He spotted a barrel of water. "Hey, Marines! Did you know that water is highly flammable when combined with... well, with nothing, actually! But it sounds scary, right?"
He then "accidentally" kicked the barrel over, sending a cascade of water towards the charging Marines, making them slip and slide. He then "tripped" again, this time into a stack of empty crates, sending them tumbling and creating a makeshift barricade.
"My apologies!" he called out, his voice muffled by the clatter. "My coordination is apparently as bad as your aim!"
As Zoro, surprisingly, used the fish sausage to parry a Marine's club (the Marine looked utterly bewildered), Adam watched with a satisfied smirk. This was his element. Orchestrated chaos.
The fight was short and decisive. Luffy's rubbery attacks, combined with Zoro's raw power (even without his real swords, he was formidable), quickly overwhelmed the Marines. Helmeppo, realizing he was outmatched, tried to flee.
"Oh no, you don't!" Adam yelled, suddenly appearing in front of him, holding up a small, shiny object. "Did you lose this?"
Helmeppo blinked. "What is that?"
"Why, it's a very rare, very valuable... lint roller!" Adam declared, then proceeded to vigorously roll it over Helmeppo's pristine Marine uniform, leaving sticky bits of lint all over him. "Can't have you looking unkempt, can we? Reputation, you know."
Helmeppo shrieked in disgust and fled, leaving a trail of lint and indignation.
Luffy landed beside Adam, laughing. "Shishishishi! You're really good at making people angry, Adam!"
"It's a gift, Captain," Adam said, bowing again. "One I've cultivated over many years. Now, about those swords, Zoro..."
They found Zoro's three swords, including the precious Wado Ichimonji, in the Marine armory. Zoro strapped them on, a look of relief on his face. He then turned to Adam.
"You're still annoying," he stated.
"And you're still directionally challenged," Adam shot back, a grin on his face. "I think we're going to get along just fine."
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: RORONOA ZORO][LIKE METER: 15%][HATE METER: 10%][ACQUIRABLE SKILLS: THREE SWORD STYLE (BASIC STANCES - 20% EFFICIENCY), A BOTTLE OF FUTURE-FAVORITE BOOZE (TEMPORARY COPY AVAILABLE)]
"A bottle of future-favorite booze? Now that's a useful skill! Or item. Whatever. I'm going to need it to deal with the inevitable headaches this crew is going to give me. Twenty percent efficiency on basic stances. So, I can probably hold a sword without impaling myself. Progress!"
With Zoro officially recruited, the trio set sail, leaving behind a bewildered Marine base and a very linty Helmeppo. The sun was setting, painting the sky in hues of orange and purple. Adam leaned against the mast, watching the waves.
"First major hurdle cleared. Zoro's in. Now for the real fun. Nami. That's where the real challenge begins. Because while Zoro's stoicism is a fortress, Nami's obsession with money is an entire, heavily fortified, gold-plated kingdom. And I, my friends, am about to launch a full-scale, prank-based invasion."
He glanced at Luffy, who was already asleep, snoring softly. Zoro was sharpening his swords, a look of serene focus on his face. Adam smiled. This was going to be an epic journey. And he was going to make sure it was also the most entertaining one.