I accompanied Moriah for the rest of the day. She is leaving today, saying the sooner she went, the more of her sisters would be saved. Is this because of what we found in that shop, the butterflies and moths stuffed in the frame? If so, shit, I shouldn't have gone out that day.
I asked Leliana to take care of some things for a while. Tomorrow I'll have double the work, but that's the cost I have to pay for putting myself on this woman's side right now.
Honestly, I messed up badly. I got entangled in a relationship I didn't want, which was supposed to be just a one-night stand, only for it to become this whole thing because I felt pity. She's disturbed, and in the original story of Sword of The Iron Maiden, she's shown to be an unscrupulous alchemist. Yet, here we are, walking in the night, making sure those things don't even happen in the future.
I don't want to delude myself about this, because it's very clear that if this lunatic ever snaps, half the world will die just to satisfy her sadistic desires, and the worst part is, I might get involved unintentionally. If she turns into a crazy lover, what do I do besides running for the mountains? I can't face an insane Moriah chasing me!
After helping her move some alchemical components and tools into the carriage coupled with a wagon full of supplies, I could only step back a few paces and look at the situation. I hate this feeling full of contradictions in me, of wanting to send her away and simultaneously wanting her close.
It's very difficult to understand anything when the situation is like this...
Every time I look at Moriah, I feel like she has already left. It's not an exaggeration, her posture, her eyes fixed on the preparations, the calculated way each tool is placed in the wagon... everything indicates that her mind is miles away from here.
Still, I can reach her just by reaching out my hand. If I made just a little effort, I could even hug her and insist that she stay here.
She fastens the brooch on the cloak without haste. The dim light of the courtyard lampposts dances on the metal, making it shine in a way that bothers my eyes with a burning sensation that fills them with water. The smell of herbs and alchemical powders mixes with the smell of the horses neighing, triggering a memory of when we first met.
Moriah was sitting in a chair, caressing a butterfly, humming something with a sad face. I still remember how she seemed to clash with the rest of the world, being so beautiful that I felt obliged to fall for the ex-countess's charm when I was attacked.
"Are you going to stay here until I leave?" Moriah's voice cuts the silence.
"Yes."
Damn, it came out colder than I intended. It's probably because if I speak gently now, I'll say something I don't want to. The funeral atmosphere is also terrible, my stomach won't stop churning as I calculate what would be best to say in this situation. The horses' hooves scrape the ground. I bet even they want this to be over with and for us to part ways soon.
Moriah slowly steps up the carriage steps, but stops on the way, tilting her face toward me.
"Darius..."
I look away. I don't have the courage to face her directly with those golden eyes begging me to go along, when the best thing to do is stay behind, especially for the sake of my own life. Still, I take a few steps forward, putting myself beside her.
"Don't say anything that will make me regret it later."
For an instant, the corner of her mouth threatens to curve into a smile, but it ends up folding downwards in sadness. Then, without warning, she raises her hand and touches my face. Her fingers slide slowly from my cheeks to the line of my jaw, only to end with a little kiss in the middle of my forehead.
"Take care of yourself."
Moriah turns and gets in to take a seat, without looking back.
The carriage starts to move, first with the lazy creaking of the wheels, then picking up speed. The side lanterns cast golden patches on the stone ground, which move away until they become small dots... and, finally, disappear into the darkness of the street.
I can't move or even breathe until her silhouette vanishes. The night wind is cold, but not cold enough to justify the knot tightening in my throat. I really want to turn around and move on, return to the Duke's office and bury my head in the documents I hate... the question is how I do that.
I turn towards the palace. There's no gossipy maid to whisper nonsense behind my back, no evil eye from the guards or a random noble to make a disgusted expression. There's just me, the stone bricks of the palace courtyard, and an annoying whistle of the wind against my ear.
I won't sleep tonight. I'll think about what I could have done differently, how easy it would be to send an escort, an extra alchemist, force Leonhardt to help this moth tribe on the other side of the world... this thing is going to torment me, it's going to suck my sleep while I toss and turn in bed, hurting because I decided to help someone out of pity only to see her get hurt by me.
I hate myself for being like this. I don't want to go back to the room and see that messed-up face in the mirror, or feel my eyes burning as I rewind all the scenes from our last few days.
Why am I like this? Why do I treat others this way knowing that in the end it only makes everything worse?
I breathe as deeply as possible, running my hand through my hair and stopping my steps. I lost the courage to move forward and reach those abandoned corridors. I just wanted the world to stop spinning. What the hell am I doing? Why get involved with dangerous people when my father's plan was safer and I wouldn't have to stick my dick in the most dangerous places in the world? Fuck, I'm insane.
To top it all off, along the way, I run into the second psycho I would have preferred not to see: Ravenna. She's blended into the shadows, showing an apathetic face of someone who has already seen everything in life, and it's been like that since the Silver Scar ritual.
The first thing I think is to walk past and go somewhere else, a shame that with this lunatic in the way, it's practically impossible.
"Did you lose something in the courtyard, Darius?"
"Yes, my patience," I reply curtly, without slowing my pace.
She is not offended, it's not like you can offend a person like that. Ravenna walks beside me as I pass, her black dress similar to bat wings stands out in the shadows, looking much darker than anything around it. I wanted to understand what is going on in this witch's problematic head...
"The palace is great for that", she says, needling my back with her gaze. "You've been walking with your head down too much for someone who usually plays the troublemaker."
I sigh, exhausted, already anticipating that if I try to cut the conversation short, she'll find a way to follow me. This is the worst time to chase my own tail, but what can I do.
"I'm not in the mood for games today. Just say what you want."
Ravena takes the chance to close the distance between us and links our arms, trapping me with an affectionate squeeze between her breasts. In another situation, I would be easily attracted to this pair of lethal weapons. She runs her finger over my chest, wanting to use a set of charms to tie me on a leash.
"Then let's walk."
"Walk?"
"The night is always long, and there are places where the silence is... different. Not that dead silence of a palace corridor, but one that heals the soul and gives peace. I want to show you."
I look to the side, trying to assess whether it's smarter to refuse or accept and cut the conversation short later. Ravenna notices my hesitation and gets close enough for her perfume to hit my nose, a kind of expensive cologne mixed with the sulfur of a dead demon.
"Or would you rather stay here alone, brooding over whatever you're trying to bury?" she says, with a provocative calmness. "I promise I won't ask about Moriah... much."
Yeah, of course she wouldn't miss the chance to clear up some doubts about the aunt who's already left. I was the one who was most involved with her, so one way or another I am also the well of information she is looking for. I inadvertently walked into this trap and now I'm paying the price.
Ravenna guides me along the dirt roads outside the palace towards the lake past the royal garden. The moon is still high in the sky, casting a glow over the waters that creates a beautiful shimmering illusion.
Out of all places, this one? It's as if this witch has a knack for finding magical and different places. I won't complain, I really wanted some time to rest and just lay my head on the grass, and this seems to be the best spot. Let's see what she wants.