Chapter 3: The Akatsuki's GPS and the Prank Gone 'Right'
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: PLOT ADVANCEMENT DETECTED. PREPARING FOR ACCIDENTAL HEROICS.]
Life in Konoha was, surprisingly, not that different from my previous one. Still dealing with dramatic people, still avoiding responsibilities, still finding creative ways to annoy everyone around me. The only real difference was the omnipresent threat of being disintegrated by a ninja or, worse, being forced to wear a Leaf Village headband. The horror.
My recent exploits with Naruto and Sakura had gotten me noticed. Not in a "let's give Adam a promotion and a pension" kind of way, but more in a "who is this chaotic gremlin and how do we harness his unique brand of trouble?" kind of way. Apparently, my knack for being in the wrong place at the right time, or more accurately, orchestrating the right place at the right time through elaborate pranks, had piqued the interest of the higher-ups. Or at least, Kakashi-sensei's eyebrow. Which, for Kakashi, was basically a five-alarm fire.
"You know, I always thought being a civilian in a ninja village would be boring. Turns out, it's a full-time job of dodging explosions and pretending you don't know exactly where the bad guys are hiding. It's like a really high-stakes game of hide-and-seek, except the seekers are wearing cloaks with red clouds and the 'it' person is usually a kidnapped Kazekage. Fun for the whole family!"
The Gaara rescue mission was looming. I had all the juicy details from my past life: Sasori, Deidara, the Akatsuki hideout in the Land of Rivers. My goal was to 'accidentally' leak this information. Not too obviously, of course. I didn't want to get interrogated by Ibiki. That man gave me the shivers. The kind of shivers that say, "I know what you had for breakfast, and I'm judging you for it."
My chosen method of information dissemination was, naturally, a prank. A very, very elaborate prank. I decided to target Kakashi directly. He was the most likely to connect the dots, and also, he deserved a good scare. The man's perpetually bored demeanor was a challenge I simply couldn't resist.
I spent days scouting the Hokage's office, memorizing patrol routes, and figuring out the best way to bypass the ANBU. It was like a real-life video game, except the stakes were, you know, my actual life. And possibly the fate of the Kazekage. Small details.
My opportunity arose when Kakashi was reporting to Tsunade. Their conversation was hushed, filled with hushed whispers of "Akatsuki" and "missing Kazekage." Perfect.
I had prepared a special "ninja tool" for this occasion. It was a small, intricately carved wooden bird, seemingly innocuous. But inside, I had placed a tiny, almost invisible, explosive tag. Not the kind that blows things up, but the kind that emits a highly concentrated, incredibly pungent, and extremely embarrassing odor. Think rotten eggs, wet dog, and a gym locker left unattended for a decade. All in one delightful package.
I also had a carefully crafted, seemingly discarded scroll with me. This scroll contained a crude, but surprisingly accurate, map of the Land of Rivers, with a very specific location circled in red. And next to it, scrawled in my deliberately messy handwriting, was the phrase: "Akatsuki's Secret Lair? LOL." I was really leaning into the 'annoying teenager' vibe.
Under the cover of darkness, I slipped into the Hokage's office. It was surprisingly easy. Either Konoha's security was hilariously lax, or my 'accidental' chakra suppression abilities (a byproduct of my weird system, I assumed) were better than I thought. I placed the odorous bird on Kakashi's desk, right next to his beloved Icha Icha Paradise novel. Then, I 'accidentally' dropped the map scroll near the waste bin, folded in such a way that the circled location was visible.
"I mean, what's a little breaking and entering between friends, right? Especially when said friends are currently panicking about a kidnapped leader and I'm just here trying to be helpful in the most annoying way possible. It's a public service, really. Think of it as a very smelly, very inconvenient breadcrumb trail leading to villainy."
The next morning, I discreetly watched the Hokage's office. Sure enough, Kakashi arrived, leisurely opening his book. And then, the smell hit. His visible eye widened. He sniffed, his mask doing nothing to conceal his grimace. He then spotted the bird, a look of profound disgust crossing his face.
[KAKASHI HATAKE LIKE METER: 10%]
He picked up the bird with two fingers, a look of utter bewilderment on his face. "What… in the world…?" he muttered.
Then, his gaze fell on the crumpled scroll by the waste bin. His eye, usually half-lidded and bored, snapped open, fully alert. He picked it up, unfolded it, and his visible eye scanned the contents. His expression went from confused disgust to intense focus in a matter of seconds.
[KAKASHI HATAKE LIKE METER: 25% - ACQUIRABLE SKILLS: CHIDORI (UNSTABLE), BASIC SHARINGAN PRECOGNITION]
I grinned. Mission accomplished. The 'accidental' revelation was a success. Now, to prepare for the inevitable interrogation that wasn't an interrogation because they couldn't actually prove anything. My specialty.
Later that day, I was "casually" loitering near the academy, pretending to be utterly absorbed in watching a butterfly. Kakashi appeared beside me, seemingly out of thin air. He still smelled faintly of foul-smelling bird.
"Adam," he said, his voice deceptively calm. "Care to explain why I found a map of the Land of Rivers, with a certain… 'Lair' circled, next to a particularly fragrant avian sculpture on my desk this morning?"
I blinked innocently. "Map? Lair? Avian sculpture? Kakashi-sensei, are you feeling alright? Maybe you're working too hard. Perhaps you should take a break. Read a book. Oh, wait, you already do that." I gestured vaguely towards his Icha Icha novel, which he quickly tucked away.
He stared at me, his visible eye piercing. "I swear, that eye could strip paint. Or, you know, my very soul. Good thing I'm mostly sarcasm and questionable life choices."
"Curious," he mused, ignoring my deflection. "Because the location on that map happens to align with… a strong possibility. And your handwriting, while admittedly terrible, is quite distinct."
"Oh, that map!" I snapped my fingers, feigning a sudden realization. "That's just a doodle! I was trying to figure out where I lost my favorite lucky coin! It's shaped like a frog, you see. Very important for good ramen luck. And the bird? Must have flown in through the window! They're drawn to… good vibes." I gestured vaguely at my chest.
He just sighed, a long-suffering sound that spoke volumes of his daily struggles. "Right. Well, 'Adam.' Your 'doodle' has saved us a considerable amount of time. Consider yourself… appreciated. And possibly under surveillance. Don't touch any more of my desk ornaments."
He vanished as quickly as he appeared, leaving me with a faint lingering scent of foul bird and a profound sense of satisfaction. My reputation as a chaotic, yet surprisingly useful, element was growing. And the Kazekage was one step closer to not being a puppet. Literally.