Subaru reached the Mansion with a lot of odd feelings.
On one hand he'd done something he never thought he would. On another, it actually felt good. Reinhard, the man Subaru always thought as chivalrous and beyond his reach... actually showed interest in Subaru.
Fuck! He shook his head.
"Hmph," Ram said. "He's finally lost it."
"Calm down sis, are you okay Subaru-kun?" Rem said.
"Oh, I'm fine."
"Lady Emilia was looking for you," Rem said.
"I'll go see her."
"What is up with him?" Ram said.
Subaru of course had a lot on his mind but for now, he didn't focus on the thoughts and instead focused on Emilia. Ah yes, Emilia. All the worries, all the bad thoughts would vanish the moment he saw her. All his doubts, would melt.
Right?
"Emilia- tan!" Subaru entered, jolly.
There was someone inside, on the sofa, sipping tea.
But it wasn't Emilia.
"Ah, Subaru-kun. Welcooome back." White on that face, almost like a joker.
Subaru sighed and was about to leave but... but he didn't. Instead, he sat down on the other side of the sofa. "So, I think Reinhard has mostly bounced back."
"That is wooonderful," Roswaal rolled his tongue and kept sipping.
"What?"
"You seem different, Subaru-kun. Has something happened?"
"Oh, not really." Subaru laughed.
Roswaal smiled. "You can tell me anyyything!" He spread his arms around, laughing loud.
"I'm good. I'm telling you-" Subaru didn't get to finish. Roswaal was already in front of him, so close. In an instant.
Sniff!
"Oya, what is this scent..." He sniffed again. "Subaru-Kun..." Roswaal glared into his eyes. "Did you and Reinhard..."
"What are you even talking about?"
"Hmm... nevermind. You wouldn't." Roswaal chuckled and moved back, finishing the last sip of his tea. "Lady Emilia is waiting for you in the garden."
"Right," Subaru quickly took his leave.
"Do come by this evening," Roswaal yelled.
The hell was that about? Did he... no, he couldn't. Unless Reinhard tells someone- wait, didn't the people at the tavern... Subaru's face heated up but he managed to keep the welp in. Even if the people had seen him, they clearly didn't know him so it was fine, right?
Right!?
"Subaru?" Emilia said from the distance.
She'd been sitting pretty on the bench. Waiting.
Flowers all around. Grass swaying. Leaves dancing.
Emila smiling.
"Emilia-Tan!" Subaru's thoughts vanished and he quickly scurried off the girl of his dreams.
Yet, his heart didn't flutter as usual. He didn't stare into those deep purple eyes. He hardly glanced at her before realizing Puck was sleeping peacefully on her lap, so he couldn't make up an excuse and lie down.
Sigh.
"Did you finish shopping?" Subaru said.
"I was done a while ago. You were supposed to meet me back. But you never arrived. So, I was a little worried but Puck said you'd be fine and so we came home. Are you okay?"
"Oh yeah, I'm fine." Subaru too sat down on the bench, right next to the elf. Her elven ears slowly turned redder but Subaru hardly noticed it.
Instead, he was more focused on his chest.
Why?
Why isn't it beating the same way it beat around Reinhard? Why... why don't I feel the same intensity...
How come he was next to Emilia but he didn't feel half of what he felt when Reinhard was sitting next to him?
No, something must be wrong with me. Something must... But he couldn't say it. He couldn't think about it.
He couldn't- no, didn't want to acknowledge it.
Was he, really... gay?
He sighed. "Emilia, I need a favor."
"Yes?"
"Can I kiss you?"
Emilia's cheeks flushed. "What! But... won't I get pregnant..." she mumbled.
Subaru ended up laughing. "Of course not. You didn't, the last time, remember?"
"But.... Okie..."
Subaru closed in, their lips inches apart. Emilia closed her eyes, and Subaru closed in the distance, pressing firmly on her soft warm lips. The faint warmth reignited a connection with him. That wonderful tingly feeling.
However-
It's not enough. It's just not the same... damn it! The flutter and tingle, neither could compare to when he kissed Reinhard.
In the end, Subaru had to acknowledge it.
I'm gay.