The moment I step out of Fried Chicken Heaven, a victorious grin spreads across my face like I've just conquered the entire world. And maybe I have. After all, I'm now a man of wealth - or at least, enough wealth to fulfill my ultimate dream!
While walking, I saw one of my arche-nemesis only second to the smartphone looking at me.
"Look at me now, Barker!" I sneer at him, glaring down at the enemy that is still on the leash tied to his tiny home. The dog stares back, tail wagging. Foolish beast. "You may have won the battle of the chase and newspaper delivery, but I have won the war of income!"
The very thought of that glorious bicycle sends an overwhelming surge of pride through my veins. Barker the dog, the garden hose, even the smartphone - they can all eat my dust. Soon, I'll be unstoppable!
Collapsing onto the couch, I continue my smug monologue. "Oh, how the mighty rise. Today, a humble servant of Fried Chicken Heaven. Tomorrow, the ruler of the road!"
And so, with my spirits soaring, I prepare for the most anticipated day of my existence. The bicycle awaits.
***
The next morning, the sun has barely peeked over the horizon when I bolt upright from bed. Sleep? Who needs it? I'm a man on a mission. With unmatched determination, I grab my towel and charge toward the bathroom.
But of course, no great mission comes without challenges.
Ready to face the world and the idea of purchasing my precious metal beast. First, I need to face my first battle, the ultimate adversaries await - the shampoo and the soap.
Round one.
Shampoo manages a sneak attack, infiltrating my eyes. My screams echo through the bathroom walls.
Round two.
Soap retaliates, slipping through my fingers and launching a counterattack on my poor toes. Treachery!
But I emerge victorious, fresh, and squeaky clean. With battle scars of shampoo burns my eyes, I dress in what I proudly deem my "bike-buying attire" - the most casual yet dignified shirt I own, paired with jeans that scream "I'm an adult who deserves a bike." But the moment I step outside, reality strikes.
"Wait a minute," I mutter. "Where... do people even buy bicycles?"
I stand there, dumbfounded. The metal beast of my dreams is out there, somewhere, waiting for me. But where? The streets? A dungeon guarded by fearsome bike overlords? The smartphone probably knows, but I refuse to consult that wicked device.
And then it hits me.
"The idiot girl!"
Akari. The wielder of the small two-wheeled metal creature. She must know where to find its brethren. Without wasting another second, I charge to her door and knock with the might of destiny.
The door opens, and there she stands. Akari, clad in an apron with a spatula in hand, her hair tied in a haphazard ponytail. The smell that wafts through the door is like a divine slap to my senses.
"What... what is that?" My mouth practically waters.
Akari beams. "Breakfast. You're just in time! Come in!"
Before I can even protest, my feet betray me. I'm inside. I'm seated. And I'm watching her bustling around the small kitchen like she's some kitchen goddess preparing a feast for the gods. And judging by the smell, she might as well be.
"You must be hungry," she giggles, placing a plate before me.
Fried rice. Sausages. Eggs. Bacon. And a steaming cup of coffee. It reminds of my manager, Mr. Mustache.
It doesn't look as majestic as Gyudon. Definitely not as refined as Katsudon. And it lacks the delicate elegance of those pastries I adore.
But one bite.
Heaven.
I'm ascending. Floating. Pure ecstasy. The bacon's saltiness dances perfectly with the sweetness of the fried rice. The eggs? Fluffy clouds of joy. Even the sausage, something I'd deemed simple, is a masterpiece.
"This... this is..."
Akari watches eagerly, her eyes wide. "Good?"
I slam my hand on the table. "You're not just the Goddess of Chaos and Cooking. You're the Empress! The Supreme Ruler of All That is Delicious!"
She laughs, cheeks pink. "I'll take that as a compliment."
Compliment? It's a declaration of truth!
I devour every morsel with reckless abandon, caring not for dignity or restraint. When the plate is empty, I lean back with a satisfied groan. Akari beams at me, probably thinking this is a bonding moment. Foolish. I'm merely fueling for my true mission.
"Akari," I say solemnly, "you have earned my eternal respect. But now, I must address my true purpose."
Her brows lift. "True purpose?"
I straighten up, the urgency returning. "Where did you acquire your... metal beast?"
Akari blinks. "Metal beast?"
"The two-wheeled contraption that carries you at inhuman speeds."
She stares for a moment, then bursts into laughter.
"You mean... my bike?"
"Yes! The very same!" I nod, satisfied that she finally understands.
"Oh, I got it at a bike shop downtown."
A bike shop! Brilliant. My path is clear. Today, I shall claim my steed! My metal beast. And nothing-not even the smartphone-shall stand in my way!
Shiwei, the Champion of Fried Chicken Heaven, is one step closer to his destiny.
And perhaps, just perhaps, another serving of Akari's breakfast.
***
Now with Akari at my side, we march onward to claim my rightful treasure. The metal beast awaits. And like a noble hero on a quest, I'm ready!
"You know," I begin, my voice dripping with pride, "it's no surprise we reached the top 2 branch in the country. And it's definitely no thanks to that vile smartphone. Maybe a little thanks to your free food, though."
Akari, ever the fool, giggles like I just cracked the funniest joke. "Oh, sure, sure. You're basically a marketing genius now."
"Exactly," I nod, ignoring the sarcasm. "The very face of Fried Chicken Heaven. My brilliance alone increased the sales."
She pats my shoulder as though humoring a madman. "And here I thought it was just because the girls liked looking at you."
Blasphemy. I scoff. "No, it was purely my exceptional talent."
We finally arrive at the shop. And before me stands a realm unlike any other-the Kingdom of Metal Beasts. Rows upon rows of glistening two-wheeled creatures, awaiting their riders.
"By the hands of time," I whisper in awe. "Why are there so many metal beasts here?"
Akari bursts out laughing, nearly doubling over. "Shiwei, it's a bike shop. Of course there are bikes."
I glare. "You laugh now, fool. But wait until I find my destined steed."
Choosing is harder than I thought. The beasts come in all shapes and sizes, and with each passing moment, my determination falters. The crimson one looks fierce, like a dragon. The sleek black one emanates pure elegance. But then... I see it.
A pristine white bike. Glorious. Majestic. Its shining silver accents practically calling out to me. And there's a basket in the front.
"It's beautiful," I breathe. "Like a mirror to my own hair."
Akari snorts. "You're picking it because it's white?"
"And because it's cool as hell."
And thus, the deal is sealed. My hands clutch the handles of my noble steed. The precious metal beast is mine.
"What are you gonna name it?" Akari asks, grinning.
"Name it?" I blink. Of course. Every worthy steed deserves a name. After careful contemplation, I declare, "Silver Fang."
"That... sounds like something a kid would name their bike."
"It's dignified!"
With Silver Fang in my possession, I return home triumphant. But a new challenge awaits. The untamable beast must be conquered. Riding it is the final test.
"We'll head to the park," I announce with authority. "The same park where I forged my surname, Park!"
Akari doesn't even question it. She's probably used to my brilliance by now.
At the park, I stand face-to-face with my foe. Silver Fang gleams under the sun, daring me to mount it.
"Alright, beast. I shall ride you. And you shall obey."
Akari claps excitedly. "Good luck, oh mighty bike tamer!"
With a fierce battle cry, I push off. And immediately...
BAM!
Face to the ground.
"The betrayal!" I yell, shaking my fist at Silver Fang. "You wretched creature!"
Akari howls with laughter, the traitor. "Shiwei, you're supposed to balance!"
"I was balancing! The beast is cursed!"
But I refuse to be bested. I try again. And again. Each time more disastrous than the last. My limbs flail. The ground greets me like an old friend. I swear I hear a squirrel giggle.
"This was a scam!" I growl. "I spent my hard-earned money for this metal menace! I could have bought an endless supply of Gyudon and pastries!"
Just when I'm about to throw Silver Fang into the nearest lake, Akari steps in.
"Okay, okay, you big idiot," she says between giggles. "Let me help."
And by some miracle, she does. With her holding onto the back, she instructs me to pedal steadily. I wobble. I swear I see my life flash before my eyes. But slowly... miraculously... I glide forward.
"I'm doing it!"
"Yes, yes! You're biking!"
But my confidence grows too quickly. I release my hands from the handlebars, declaring, "Behold the great Shiwei-"
CRASH!
With my face to the ground... Again...
"Ow." I groan, sprawled out like a pancake.
Akari stifles her laughter. "Shiwei, don't let go of the handlebars, you idiot."
"I was simply testing the beast's loyalty," I mumble. "It failed."
But after several more attempts, I manage to stay upright. I feel the wind rush past me, Silver Fang beneath me, my pride somewhat restored.
"From this day forth, Silver Fang shall ride the wind! The streets shall tremble at our arrival!"
Akari sighs. "You're impossible."
"And victorious."
The quest is complete. And with Silver Fang by my side, the world shall know the might of Shiwei Park, Bike Tamer Extraordinaire!
***
After an exciting moments involving me crashing at a lamp post with Silver Fang, and trying to climb a small hill with in which almost costs me a bone or two, we decided to go back home and I stayed at her apartment for a while, and there I noticed something.
Extra cash. An unexpected phenomenon. It sits in my pocket, daring me to spend it, mocking me with its existence. And yet, what does a man of my stature even do with excess wealth? Certainly not waste it on vile smartphone accessories or other useless trinkets.
But then, a revelation strikes. Since tasting Akari's divine culinary offerings, my palate has ascended beyond mortal comprehension. The Gyudon across the street, though once a majestic treasure, now tastes like a peasant's gruel. There is no going back.
Seated at the table, I narrow my eyes at Akari, who hums a nonsensical tune while scrubbing dishes.
"Idiot girl," I begin, my voice filled with purpose. "Can you cook anything aside from Gyudon, Katsudon, and the heavenly breakfast of rice, sausage, bacon, and eggs?"
She pauses, tapping her chin with a soapy finger. "Hmm... I think I can cook anything as long as I have the ingredients!"
A bold claim. One I intend to test. But then, the challenge presents itself - what do I desire to eat?
I squint in thought. My mind races through the endless possibilities. And then, in a moment of absolute stupidity, I do the unthinkable.
I pull out the smartphone.
The glowing bastard blinks to life, its deceivingly innocent screen waiting for my query. My reflection stares back at me, judging my poor life choices.
"Now listen here, you vile creature," I mutter lowly, my thumb hovering over the search bar. "Akari is about to showcase her unworldly talent, and it's your job to suggest something worthy. No tricks. No lies."
I type dramatically.
Search: Best food that will make me ascend to godhood.
The phone spits out ridiculous results. Avocado toast? Acai bowls? What in the name of fried chicken heaven is this nonsense?
Search: Food that conquers souls and tames the will of men.
Still no answer worthy of my status. I try once more.
Search: Food for majestic rulers and handsome marketing genius.
And there it is.
Curry.
My eyes narrow. "Curry?" I peer at the screen. "It looks like... like..."
"Like what?" Akari leans over to look.
"Like someone already ate it once."
I try another search.
Search: Food that doesn't look like betrayal in a bowl.
Curry pops up. Again. Taunting me. No matter what absurd combination of words I use-
Search: Food that doesn't resemble wet regret.
There's still curry on the suggestions...
Search: Dish that doesn't look like a swamp monster's bathwater.
"For the love of- why is there always curry!?" I hissed.
Search: Definitely not curry.
But the damn curry is still there. Mocking. Seducing. Refusing to leave.
I slam my phone onto the table. "Fine! You win, cursed device! I'll try this weird-ass food called curry!"
I slam the phone onto the table. "Akari! I demand you make this weird-looking food called curry."
Akari's face lights up like an overjoyed idiot. "Curry? That sounds fun! But we'll need ingredients!"
"Tch. Figures."
She beams. "And you're paying."
And thus, the challenge begins.
We ride to the battlefield - the grocery store. Silver Fang gleams beneath the morning sun as I pedal with Akari sitting behind me, giggling like a fool.
"We're on a quest for curry ingredients!" she cheers, throwing her arms up.
"Stop flailing! You'll make us crash! I'd had enough of it today!"
At the store, the horrors await. Towering shelves, endless aisles, and countless confused shoppers. The air is thick with the scent of desperation and discounted vegetables.
"Alright, idiot girl," I declare. "Lead the way."
Akari takes the mission seriously, though her methods are... questionable. She inspects two identical bags of rice like a philosopher pondering the meaning of life.
"This one is premium rice, but this one is on sale," she mutters.
"They're the same."
"But one has a premium logo."
"It's still rice."
After an eternity of rice inspection, we move on. But at every step, Akari finds new ways to test my patience. Akari is practically skipping through the aisles. I, on the other hand, clutch my wallet protectively. Every shelf is a battlefield. Every product a reminder of how quickly money vanishes.
"Look, Shiwei! Carrots!" Akari announces as if she's discovered the lost city of Atlantis.
"Yes. Carrots. Congratulations."
But the chaos only begins.
"What's the difference between this one and that one?" Akari points to two identical-looking carrots.
I squint. "One's... pointier?"
"Wrong! This one says 'Organic,' and but this one says 'Farm Fresh.'"
"Isn't... isn't all food from a farm?" My head throbs. "Just get the orange one!"
But the torment continues. There's a sale on onions-"Buy One, Get One Half Off." Akari's eyes gleam with determination.
"Shiwei, should I get two onions? Or four? What if we need five?"
"Akari. It's just onions."
"But the discount!"
"Akari," I groan, barely holding onto my sanity. "Pick one or I swear I will summon the wrath of Silver Fang upon this store..."
But nothing compares to the meat section.
Akari stares down the beef. The beef stares back. It's as if she has a personal vendetta. Her eyes narrow as she flips packages, analyzing labels like some meat detective.
"What's the matter with this one?" I ask.
"It's too... smug." She scowls. "This beef knows it's overpriced."
"Akari. It's dead. It has no emotions."
"That's what it wants you to think."
I groan, rubbing my temples. She then grabs another pack, holding it up like a villain revealing their master plan.
"This one," she declares, "has an expiration date I do not trust."
"Do you want me to interrogate the cow next?" I deadpan.
Why does it feels like that she doubts the beef as much as I doubt my blasted smartphone?
Finally, she settles on a pack of beef, but I swear I can still feel the tension lingering in the air. The beef may be in the cart, but the war? Far from over.
But as expected, trouble doesn't end there. While Akari's clumsy enthusiasm has already caused three minor disasters, it escalates when she nearly knocks over a pyramid of canned goods. Time slows. Literally.
I slowed down the time.
I rush, slipping through the frozen moment. Carefully, I nudge each can back into place, ensuring catastrophe is avoided. When time resumes, Akari blinks, oblivious to how close she came to supermarket destruction.
"Wow, that was close!" she chirps.
"Yes, remarkably," I mutter, resisting the urge to facepalm.
Finally, we make it to the spices section. Another battleground.
"Turmeric, cumin, coriander-" Akari reads aloud. "Oh, and garam masala!"
"What in the name of time manipulation is that?" I eye the suspiciously named packet. It's name sounds like a terrible curse. For both me and my wallet.
"It's a blend of spices! For the curry!"
I shake my head. "Curry is a conspiracy. A spicy, time-consuming conspiracy..."
But the final test approaches-the checkout counter. The total price flashes before me.
"By the gods," I mutter. "I could've bought enough Gyudon to build a Gyudon throne."
But the damage is done. I have spent my money. My soul aches. And as we ride Silver Fang back home, Akari gleefully hums, her bags of ingredients bouncing along.
"At least," I sigh dramatically, "I shall witness this 'curry' you speak of. It better be worth my sacrifice."
Akari giggles. "You won't regret it!"
Oh, I already do.
But soon, the moment of truth will arrive. And I, Shiwei Park, shall face my fate.
May time itself have mercy on me.