Noa was crawling on all fours under the coffee table, looking for her bra strap.
Ren was shirtless again. Because of course he was. His only defense was a throw blanket that barely reached mid-thigh.
"I swear I had it right here," Noa muttered, hair a mess, hoodie unzipped.
Ren leaned on the kitchen counter, towel slung over one shoulder. "You lost your bra again?"
"It flew during the hoodie incident, remember?!"
"Ah yes. The great fan-stripping of 9:42 AM."
Suddenly—*DING DONG.*
They both froze.
"No," Noa whispered.
"Not today."
They crept toward the door like two raccoons caught stealing cereal.
---
Ren peeked out the peephole.
His voice dropped an octave. "It's her."
"The inspector?!"
"She's holding the clipboard of doom."
"We're doomed."
Noa ran. Not for clothes. For *props.*
She grabbed a plant and hugged it in front of her chest.
Ren panicked and wrapped himself in the throw blanket like a Greek statue at a spa.
Then—he opened the door.
"Good morning!" the inspector chirped. "Surprise check-in!"
Her eyes scanned the scene:
- A girl holding a houseplant to cover her boobs.
- A guy in a blanket toga.
- A bra hanging from the ceiling fan like a trophy.
She blinked. "…Too early?"
Noa grinned. "We were just… doing yoga."
"In separate outfits," Ren added.
"Minimalist yoga," Noa corrected.
---
The inspector walked in anyway.
Noa plopped onto the couch, still holding the plant. Ren leaned awkwardly against the wall, trying not to flash a thigh.
"So," the inspector said, scribbling on her clipboard, "how's cohabitation going?"
"Great," Noa said too fast.
"Perfect," Ren echoed, towel slipping dangerously.
The inspector raised an eyebrow. "You two seem... very *comfortable*."
"We believe in full transparency," Noa said, adjusting her "plant bra."
"It's healthy for skin," Ren added.
"Very freeing."
"Bonding."
"Liberating."
"Moisturizing."
The inspector blinked. "…I didn't ask about skincare, but okay."
---
She strolled into the kitchen. "Whose idea was the co-living program?"
Noa and Ren looked at each other.
Then answered at the same time:
"Mine."
"…Hers."
The inspector turned. "So you *volunteered* to live together?"
They nodded.
"Despite being... obviously intimate."
Pause.
Noa coughed. "Intimacy is a *spectrum.*"
Ren nodded. "We're somewhere between 'accidentally shared a toothbrush' and 'accidentally fell on each other with no pants.'"
The inspector scribbled: *intense proximity; unclear boundaries.*
---
She walked toward the bathroom.
Ren's eyes widened. "WAIT—don't open—"
Too late.
The door creaked open to reveal:
- Two towels.
- One bra soaking in the sink.
- A condom wrapper on the floor (unused—but she didn't know that).
Inspector: "I see."
Noa: "That's from... a joke."
Ren: "A game. With ourselves."
Inspector: "That sounds worse."
They both nodded.
---
Back in the living room, the inspector sat down.
She looked at them.
"I've done over thirty inspections this month," she said. "Most couples fake affection. Rehearsed answers. Matching mugs."
She glanced at the chaos around her. The bare legs. The boob-plant. The vibrating ceiling fan.
"But you two… you don't fake anything."
Ren opened his mouth.
Noa elbowed him.
"...Including clothes," he muttered.
The inspector stood. "I'm marking you approved. Highly."
Pause.
"Also—get a second laundry basket."
"YES MA'AM," they said in unison.
---
After the door closed, Noa dropped the plant and collapsed on the couch.
Ren flopped beside her, still in his makeshift toga.
They stared at the ceiling.
Then burst out laughing.
"That was the most humiliating five minutes of my life," Noa gasped.
"She thinks we're boning *constantly.*"
"Honestly? The real crime is that we're not."
Pause.
They turned to look at each other.
Silence.
Then:
"You wanna actually start?" she asked.
Ren blinked. "Wait, what?"
She grinned. "Kidding. Unless...?"
He leaned in.
She leaned closer.
The blanket slipped.
She shrieked.
He fell backward.
She threw the plant at him.
---
That night, fully clothed, they lay in their separate beds, texting.
**Noa:** we need curtains. inspector saw too much
**Ren:** u need a sports bra for plant defense
**Noa:** you need pants
**Ren:** you need me
**Noa:** goodnight
Ren stared at the last message.
Then smiled.
The chaos wasn't over.
But for now, it was *just right.*