It began with a mop.
Ren had spilled miso soup under the coffee table, and Noa, for reasons known only to chaos, insisted it required a full deep-clean of the apartment.
"Just admit it," Ren grunted as he yanked the vacuum cord. "You enjoy watching me suffer."
Noa, barefoot in booty shorts and an oversized crop hoodie that revealed slightly too much whenever she reached up, grinned as she wrung out a mop. "Suffer harder, then I'll enjoy it more."
"Oh good," he muttered. "Sadism with bleach."
---
They started with the living room rug.
Ren pulled one corner. Noa pulled the other.
The rug didn't move.
Instead, Ren yanked too hard—and Noa lost her grip.
She stumbled forward and *face-planted* into Ren's chest.
He caught her.
Bare arms on bare abs.
Her face… dangerously close to the waistband of his sweatpants.
"Uh," she said.
"Hi," he said.
Pause.
She stood quickly. "We are never speaking of that again."
"Agreed," he said, voice several octaves higher than usual.
---
They finally wrestled the rug into the hallway, where the building had a giant industrial washer.
Noa held one end. Ren pushed the rest.
But when they shoved it in—the rug fought back.
Ren pulled harder. His pants caught on the machine's edge.
*RIP.*
They both froze.
Noa stared.
Ren looked down.
His sweatpants were halfway off.
He now stood in nothing but grey boxer briefs and shame.
"OH MY GOD," Noa wheezed. "Did you just get pantsed by a rug?!"
Ren covered himself with the remains of the rug like a Greek statue. "This never leaves the building."
"Too late. It's burned in my brain."
---
Back inside, they moved on to the bedroom. Fresh sheets, new pillowcases.
Noa knelt on the bed to tuck the corner, hoodie sliding up, revealing lace underwear that was absolutely not designed for chores.
Ren looked away so hard he nearly dislocated his neck.
"You okay?" she asked.
"I need sunglasses. And therapy."
"Wimp."
Then she stood up on the mattress to shake out the top sheet.
The ceiling fan was on.
Her hoodie got caught.
*WHIP.*
Ren turned just in time to see Noa's crop hoodie fly off and land on the fan blade.
Leaving her in a bra.
A red lacy one.
With straps that should've come with a PG-13 rating.
She stared at him.
He stared at her.
"…Don't say it," she warned.
"Your ceiling just committed lingerie theft."
She threw a pillow at his face.
---
Now they were both halfway dressed. Ren in a tank top and underwear. Noa in shorts and a bra, desperately jumping to retrieve her hoodie.
Ren offered a hand. "You want me to—"
"Touch me and die."
"Romantic."
He climbed onto the bed beside her anyway.
They both reached for the hoodie at the same time.
Their bodies collided.
Her thigh over his hip.
His hand on her waist.
They froze.
Then the bed collapsed.
*CRACK.*
They fell in a tangle of limbs, springs, and very exposed skin.
"Ow," she groaned.
"I regret everything."
"You're on top of me."
"You're warm."
"You're heavy."
"Your bra is poking me in the chin."
"I HOPE IT HURTS."
---
They rolled off each other, gasping with laughter.
Noa finally retrieved her hoodie from the still-spinning fan, tied it around her front like a surrender flag.
Ren limped to the kitchen for ice packs.
Then—
*DING DONG.*
They both froze.
"Who—"
"THE INSPECTOR?!"
---
They screamed in unison.
Noa dove behind the couch. Ren pulled a laundry basket over his crotch.
The door creaked open.
"Hi!" chirped the inspector from last time, clipboard in hand. "Just a surprise midweek check-in. Hope I'm not interrupting anything."
Pause.
She looked around.
Shirt on fan. Bra strap poking from the couch. A very red Ren behind a laundry basket with visible thigh hair.
"…Intimate cleaning day?" she offered.
Ren nodded furiously. "Yes! Absolutely! Very *thorough*!"
The inspector smirked. "Mhm. I'll just mark: 'Exemplary domestic chemistry.'"
She clicked her pen and left.
Silence.
Then:
Noa popped up from behind the couch, hair wild, hoodie half-zipped.
"You owe me," she said.
"For what?"
"For not dying of shame."
Ren looked down at his exposed legs. "Make that two of us."
---
That night, they collapsed on the fixed bed, fully clothed, laughing.
"I can't believe we got caught *half-naked by a government agent*," Noa said.
Ren groaned. "Next time I vacuum, I'm wearing armor."
She smirked. "Next time, I'm charging rent for the view."
He stared at her.
"Don't test me," he said.
"Try me," she replied.
And just like that, the apartment felt warmer.
Messier.
And dangerously, absurdly close to something more