"Now that I think about it, where's In-ho? He used to stick by your side saying he had to guide you."
"He won't be coming anymore."
"What?"
Seo-chan asked with a puzzled expression and hurriedly stood up to gather his things as the small speaker announced the end of visiting hours.
"Anyway, it's a relief you survived. Get well soon."
Click. As Seo-chan left, the hospital room was engulfed in silence. It felt quiet and lonely, as if Joo-hyun's hands were tied and his eyes blindfolded, though they were not.
The hospital room in Block A was worlds apart from Block C, no, it was more like the difference between space and the deep sea. Everything was clean, white, and filled with machines he had never seen before. Thinking about how many comrades might still be alive if such things had existed in Block C made his stomach churn.
He simultaneously felt the urge to get up and start working and the desire to be hurt even more so he couldn't think at all from the pain.
However, what troubled Joo-hyun the most was not the helplessness or self-loathing, but the fact that Cha In-ho would never come for him again, no matter how much he hurt, even if death was at his doorstep.
Ah, he thought dramatically, I might finally be able to die.
If the matching had ended naturally as originally planned a year later, Joo-hyun wouldn't have had such thoughts. He felt like a puppy abandoned on the street, biting his lower lip hard.
He wasn't afraid of dying, but why was he afraid of being abandoned by him? Was it because he instinctively clung to his guide as an esper?
Maybe it was because Cha In-ho was an unusual person. Strangely kind, smiling at Joo-hyun as if he knew him well, making Joo-hyun feel a sense of familiarity without realising it.
In fact, it might be natural. It would be strange not to feel affection for someone who had saved your life multiple times.
Unable to handle the rising emotions, Joo-hyun closed his eyes. There was no one to disturb the completely dark world.
* * *
Joo-hyun stayed hospitalised for four more days before being discharged. Although his wounds hadn't fully healed, Block A had firmly stated that further hospitalisation was not possible, leaving him no choice.
Joo-hyun didn't feel disheartened. In fact, he was almost glad. The doctors and nurses who occasionally entered the room looked fearful even when he just breathed, and being alone in the pristine space constantly brought bad thoughts. Returning to Block C might slow his recovery, but at least he'd feel more at ease.
However, just before leaving for home, he was told someone had come to visit, so he sat back down on the bed. The door opened with a light knock.
"It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm glad to see you're much better."
Joo-hyun didn't know why he felt disappointed seeing Beom-jin's smile, even though he knew the answer.
"I should have come sooner, I'm sorry."
"No, it's my fault for going out recklessly and getting caught up in it."
Joo-hyun knew that many people had been affected because he had left the dining hall and wandered around recklessly, fearing he might go on a runaway spree that day. But he didn't regret it. Without him, a more capable and stronger esper might have caught the monster, but the potential for casualties before that was unknown.
He consoled himself with the thought that someone's life might have been saved because he intervened. Otherwise, losing Cha In-ho without any compensation would have been too much to bear.
"You're being discharged today, aren't you…?"
Beom-jin's voice trailed off as he looked at Joo-hyun, who was still wrapped in bandages here and there.
The fear of the medical staff, the waste of manpower for monitoring, the inconvenience to the espers—it was too much to explain one by one, so Joo-hyun simply shrugged.
"I was actually planning to give you this after you were discharged, but since I might not see you then, I came today."
Beom-jin took a small USB out of his pocket and handed it to Joo-hyun. Though it had been unfamiliar to him before the runaway, it had become quite familiar after numerous illegal missions.
The sleek black USB rested in Joo-hyun's palm.
"This part won't be broadcast. It's too personal."
Beom-jin, having said that, reached out. After a moment's hesitation, his hand gently brushed Joo-hyun's hand.
"I have no right to say this, having coldly cut ties even with my younger brother because of a runaway..."
Beom-jin looked exhausted. His eyes were dark, and he had a stubble on his chin. Nevertheless, there was a clarity in his eyes.
"Joo-hyun, please know that someone thinks of you."
With that, Beom-jin left the hospital room. Left alone, Joo-hyun stared at the USB in his hand. He had no idea what it contained.
Back in Block C after several days, the place felt as dreary and gloomy as ever. Still, to Joo-hyun, it was the most familiar and home-like place.
"Looks like you've come back in tatters."
"It's enough that you're alive."
"Joo-hyun, you did well. I saw the news. It was a mess."
Se-hwa, Bom-i, and Chae-kyung greeted Joo-hyun as he hobbled along on crutches. Joo-hyun smiled faintly and nodded. He didn't even want to think about how it was portrayed on the news.
Lying on the hard, narrow bed, Joo-hyun inexplicably felt the same sense of suffocating pressure in his chest. He had thought it would subside once he left Block A.
Still lying there as the sky brightened, he felt a foreign object in his pocket and reached in. The black USB got caught on his bandaged fingers.
"Joo-hyun, please know that someone thinks of you."
What did that mean? To find out, he had to see what was inside.
That night, Joo-hyun sneaked into the centre director Doo-sik's office through the dark corridors. Though his body was still healing and he had to use crutches, it was a simple task for someone with his abilities.
Ignoring the advice to use his powers sparingly, Joo-hyun turned on the desktop. The sudden light piercing the darkness stung his eyes, but he couldn't stop.
He inserted the USB. There was only one file in the folder.
"A video?"
He turned the volume down low and played the video, recognising the familiar setting. It was the very building Joo-hyun had been buried under not long ago.
His red eyes widened, and his chapped lips parted slightly.
The video showed many people. Spectators, residents of the collapsed building, a child hugging his younger sibling, and among them, the most noticeable was, of course, Cha In-ho.
He was crying. Standing there, hugging something covered in bright red blood, pleading desperately with someone, he looked so unfamiliar.
"Please, please. No, please…!"
Touching the red-stained cheeks, kissing the forehead, pressing his ear to the lips to check for breath, ignoring the dirtying clothes and the flying dust, he was clearly desperate.
"Joo-hyun…"
Joo-hyun flinched at the soft utterance of his name. Only then did he realise that the person Cha In-ho was holding was himself.
Cha In-ho's tear-streaked face was heartbreaking to watch. Just a runaway esper dying, nothing more. Joo-hyun, whom no one wished to live, was finally walking towards hell, and yet...
"Why…"
Why was he so sad? It seemed as if Cha In-ho regretted Joo-hyun's death. As if he wanted Joo-hyun to live. Their relationship was purely contractual, driven only by mutual benefit.
The video continued playing, oblivious to Joo-hyun's shock. Cha In-ho, trembling, cupped Joo-hyun's cheeks and kissed him without hesitation.
Licking the blood and dust off his lips, struggling to deliver guiding energy, he was relentless. Watching him, Joo-hyun instinctively touched his own rough lips.
It was a cloudless night. The unusually round moon poured light through the window. If someone had entered the director's office, they might have seen Joo-hyun's reddish cheeks illuminated by the moonlight, but fortunately or unfortunately, there was no one here except the runaway esper.
As he watched the video in a daze, Joo-hyun heard someone's footsteps with his keen hearing. Quickly shutting down the computer and pulling out the USB, he crouched under the desk.
"Is anyone there?"
The voice behind the light knock was that of a familiar staff member. He had unlocked the door with his power but hadn't locked it again, so if the staff member opened it now, he would be caught.
"Did I hear wrong?"
After confirming the retreating footsteps, Joo-hyun exhaled in relief. Opening his clenched hand revealed the black USB.
Wiping his face, Joo-hyun swallowed hard. He wanted to ask what it meant. What those tears signified, what the tender touch meant. Did all matching guides act like that?
After rubbing his warm cheek a few more times, Joo-hyun staggered to his feet.
There was no point in asking, and it wasn't necessary. He wouldn't meet Cha In-ho again, and hearing it would change nothing.