Chapter 189: Remember the Present
After returning to his place of residence, Subaru Natsuki didn't immediately go to his room to sleep after saying goodbye to Ram. He stood at the doorway, watching Ram leave. Only after her figure completely disappeared from his sight did he let out a quiet sigh.
Although passing the first trial had strengthened his inner resolve, it still didn't provide much help for the current situation. Thinking this, Subaru shook his head, raised his hands, and patted his cheeks.
Now was not the time to dwell on such thoughts. Instead of complaining about useless things, he should think about how to break through the current predicament. After pondering with his arms crossed for a while, he made a firm decision in his heart.
"I should go apologize."
Indeed, he should apologize. Last night, he had said some hurtful words because of his own actions. Thinking back, he realized how arrogant and overconfident he had been. Cherishing his life alone wouldn't allow him to overcome the current predicament, but not cherishing his life, using it to break through and achieve the beautiful future he desired—that didn't mean using people or things that would be erased as mere tools.
"Rem…"
Softly murmuring a name that only he remembered now, Subaru moved toward Emilia's room. It took him two minutes to reach the door. Subaru took a deep breath before slowly raising his hand to knock on the wooden door.
The sound of the knock echoed a little loudly in this area.
"Who…?"
Hearing this voice, Subaru noticed that Emilia's voice was hoarse and trembling, with a hint of sharpness—like a timid creature hiding in its own world, letting out a frightened cry.
"It's me… Subaru Natsuki."
There was no response, but Subaru heard slight movement inside. He waited a full minute before hearing something leaning against the door.
"Why… are you here so late…"
"Ah… um, I wanted to say a few things to you."
"Is that so… Subaru, then go ahead. I'm listening."
Sighing lightly with a hint of helplessness, Subaru spoke in a teasing tone: "Eh?! Although it's not wrong to speak here, it's so cold outside, and I didn't sleep at this late hour just to talk to you, Emilia. And yet I'm being rejected at the door. Emilia, you're really heartless~ So heartless I hardly recognize you."
"…I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I just want to be alone right now."
"How disappointing… thinking about it, I haven't even seen Emilia in her pajamas yet."
"Uh…"
"Just kidding. I'm not interested in your pajamas at all… um… probably."
Saying this, Subaru stepped back a few paces, turned, and sat down hard on the steps, letting his body fall backward freely. The thud of his body hitting the ground echoed, yet Subaru looked at the dark eaves and laughed. Even though the back of his head had hit the floor hard, he felt no pain.
He had grown very strong. Though this strength still couldn't break through the current predicament, it reminded him of everything that had happened along the way. Not much time had passed, yet it felt like one or two years had gone by.
"Subaru? Are you okay? I heard a loud noise."
Subaru didn't respond to Emilia's concern. He was waiting for the sound of the wooden door opening.
"Subaru? Are you still there?"
Emilia still didn't get a response. Though her mental state wasn't the best, she was still the kind-hearted Emilia. With the screeching sound of the door opening and Emilia's panicked voice, she ran several steps into Subaru's sight.
Emilia, crouching on the ground, saw Subaru's smiling face and his eyes, shining slightly in the moonlight.
"I'm the hero who defeated the White Whale, you know. Falling and fainting over something like this? Impossible! After all, I'm the indestructible cockroach~"
"Eh? Eh! Subaru, you're being too much!" Emilia said, a little anger appearing on her face, but the worry in her eyes had vanished. As she prepared to get up and return, Subaru spoke:
"Since you're out, can you listen to me for a few words?"
Emilia had intended to deliberately ignore him, but realized her dress was being tugged by a hand. This made her both angry and annoyed. She knelt on the floor, using both hands to hold Subaru's head, so he wouldn't continue raising it.
Subaru gave an awkward smile, realizing his current posture wasn't suitable for raising his head. Adjusting his mindset, he slowly closed his eyes and spoke:
"Emilia, tomorrow night, you'll continue to participate in the trial."
"Mm… I understand."
"If you still can't pass tomorrow, the day after tomorrow you'll continue as well."
"…"
"You have countless chances to try, but the Sanctuary's supplies aren't enough to support so many mouths. Maybe in another week, everyone will starve~~"
"No… I won't. I'll try my best to pass the trial…"
"Do you feel the pressure now?"
Lowering her head, Emilia didn't answer. She indeed felt immense pressure. In the past, she wouldn't have felt this level of pressure because she could rely on Puck. But now, Puck was gone, and Subaru had said those words yesterday. Now, she was facing these things alone…
"Ah, right! I just remembered something that happened in the royal city. I heard it back then."
"Mm?" Emilia didn't respond immediately. She had anticipated what Subaru might say, but didn't understand why the topic had suddenly changed.
Subaru didn't care about her complex emotions, nor about whether the pressure and negative feelings she carried might make her more lost and insecure. These were not on Subaru's mind.
Opening his eyes, Subaru's expression turned serious. He fixed his gaze on the darkness of the eaves. His eyes no longer lingered on the past; he only focused on the dark, unknown future.
"That's a very great dream, a dream that almost seems impossible."
"Is it…?" Emilia couldn't speak. She couldn't tell the real reason she was participating in the royal selection. The reason she said aloud was only a surface excuse, a reaction to being treated differently.
"Emilia, you should understand that you are participating in the royal selection, right? And you know the ultimate goal of the royal selection is to become the king, right?"
"Mm…"
"Then remember how you feel now."
"Eh?"
"Remember this feeling clearly! Remember the suffocating pressure! Remember how you faltered because you didn't pass the trial! And then overcome them."
As he said this, Subaru raised a hand toward the dark eaves, clenching his fist. His fierce eyes conveyed his resolve.
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