By Day Three of my isekai life, I had made peace with a few things:
I was probably never going home.
I might be the strongest trainer on the continent and also the dumbest.
Midnight Daddy was actively trying to become the main character behind my back.
But let's rewind to the moment the town mayor kicked in my door and screamed, "YOU'RE ENTERING THE BEGINNER TOURNAMENT!"
I Did Not Sign Up for This
It was 7:03 a.m.
I was in bed.
Karen the Sylveon was sleeping across my chest like a pastel weighted blanket. Midnight Daddy had claimed the windowsill and was basking in the one shaft of morning light like he was the sun. My Garchomp, Tax Fraud, had eaten the dresser.
Then, without warning:
SLAM!
"CHAMPION GUY! WE NEED YOU!"
I opened one eye.
"Do I look like I need to be needed?" I mumbled.
Arboro Town's mayor — who looked like an NPC that only got one line of dialogue in the original Gen III games — stood in my doorway, sweating.
"There's a beginner tournament today! Big event! We need a celebrity trainer to participate!"
"Pass."
"You'll get free food."
"…Go on."
The Tournament of Future Regret™
The so-called "Beginner Tournament" was held on a dusty field behind the Pokémon Center, complete with mismatched fences, folding chairs, and a guy with a fishing hat acting as the announcer.
There were eight participants. Seven of them were children under the age of twelve. The eighth was me — a grown man in anime pajamas with a Level 100 shiny Umbreon sitting at my feet and glaring at toddlers like they owed him money.
"I'm going to lose on purpose," I whispered to my team. "Let them win. Be cool. No overkill."
Midnight Daddy rolled his eyes.
Round One: Me vs. Youngster Tristan
Youngster Tristan had a Zigzagoon and a dream.
"I'm gonna beat you and become the champion!" he shouted.
I nodded solemnly and sent out Chadlax.
Chadlax is my shiny Snorlax. He wears sunglasses. He has no ambition. He is also, possibly, the single laziest life form in the multiverse.
"Okay, buddy," I whispered. "Just lie down. We'll take the L. It's fine."
Youngster Tristan sent out Zigzagoon!
Zigzagoon barked.
Zigzagoon used Tackle!
Chadlax blinked once. Then fell over.
Directly onto Zigzagoon.
It's super effective!
Zigzagoon fainted!
"CHADLAX, NO!" I screamed.
Chadlax snored.
Tristan burst into tears.
Midnight Daddy slow-clapped.
Round Two: I Attempt Murder (On Myself)
I begged the announcer to disqualify me. He refused.
"Crowd loves you, bro. Ratings are up."
"What ratings? We're in a field next to a grocery store."
He shoved me toward the arena again.
This time, my opponent was a Bug Catcher named Lenny. He had a Metapod.
Just one. A shiny one, actually. Good for him!
"I believe in you, Butterbolt!" Lenny shouted.
"Please win," I whispered to him.
I sent out Karen, my Sylveon.
She winked at me. I gave her the "lose on purpose" look.
She tilted her head sweetly.
Karen used Hyper Voice!
Critical hit!
Metapod disintegrated.
Lenny screamed. Butterbolt was now dust. Karen wagged her ribbon.
Midnight Daddy looked like he was offended she got the kill.
Round Three: A Wild Problem Appears
By now, the crowd was cheering like I was the regional savior. Kids had made signs. One of them said "MIDNIGHT DADDY FOR PRESIDENT."
Then came the final round.
My opponent wasn't a kid.
It was a tall, cloaked figure with red eyes and an accent that said "definitely not from here."
"I've been… tracking you," he said. "You don't belong in this world."
Oh good. A plot hook.
"What gave it away? The pajamas or the shiny Pokémon with internet usernames?"
"You're a variable. A bug in the system. An unauthorized save file."
"…Okay but like, can I finish my croissant first?"
He sent out a Level 50 Salamence.
The crowd gasped.
Midnight Daddy stepped forward, unprompted.
Battle Start.
Midnight Daddy vs. Not-So-Mysterious Cloak Guy
Salamence roared. Midnight Daddy rolled his eyes.
Salamence used Dragon Claw!
Midnight Daddy leaned slightly left. The attack missed.
Midnight Daddy used Toxic!
Salamence recoiled.
Salamence is badly poisoned.
"Counter with Earthquake!" the cloaked guy shouted.
It landed. Big hit. The ground shook.
Midnight Daddy flinched.
Midnight Daddy used Moonlight.
His health bar: full.
Toxic damage intensified.
Salamence snarled, shaking.
Midnight Daddy used Protect.
Salamence missed again.
Toxic damage again.
Salamence fainted!
Midnight Daddy turned, flicked his tail at the crowd, and exited the battlefield.
I Win (Against My Will)
Cloak Guy hissed, eyes narrowing. "You'll regret this. The system always rejects cheats."
He vanished in a puff of dramatic smoke that smelled like cinnamon.
I turned to the crowd.
"I would like to go home now."
The mayor ran over and handed me a trophy shaped like a Magikarp.
"You're a hero!"
"I just wanted breakfast…"
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