I have everything, don't I?
Why do I feeling this sad and broken?
I have the love of my life, a family, God, and I have everything I ever needed.
So why am I still so broken?
Was I always this way, or did I push people away?
I can't remember the last time I was purely happy. With no remorse or pain. Like today.
I can't even remember why I even feel so fucking sad. I am usually so broken, no matter how hard I try to stay alive.
I want to be normal like people. I want to stay and have a future, but my heart is so heavy with despair and hatred to leave this world behind as though every single person had perished me out of this planet.
Why am I this broken? It's been more than a decade, and I still have no fucking answers to why I am ever feeling this way?
Why me!? What did I ever do wrong to suffer so much? Why am I feeling this empty void of suffering and pain?
I wish I were a child again, with no memories of even having this life.
Jonny loves me so much, but I am terrified he's gonna leave one day. The fact that scares me so much is the feeling of rejection. Will he fight for me the way I would fight to be with him? Or will he leave me, too?
I want someone to fight for me. To keep me in priority. But is that him? Will he be able to do it?
It breaks my heart thinking about this joy, and everything I have will be shattered if his parents say no.
It hurts so bad. I want him. I never felt this loved by anyone.
Because I love him more than my heart could breathe. I would commit suicide if he left me behind.
I am honestly tired and mentally exhausted from people who keep leaving me when all I want is to be loved and cherished.
Because love to me hits differently.