Chapter 5 – She Cute, WAIT NO
"AHHHHHHHHH!! WHAT THE HELL!!!"
I screamed.
Loud. Real loud.
So loud the entire classroom stopped. Conversations froze mid-sentence. Kouta, who was right beside me, flinched so hard he nearly dropped his phone onto the floor.
"Oi! Oi! OI!! What the hell, man?!" Kouta stared at me with wide, shocked eyes. "Why are you screaming like someone shoved a stick up your—"
I cut him off by slamming my hands on my desk, panting heavily, sweating like I just ran ten laps around the schoolyard.
Everyone in the classroom was looking at me now.
Silence.
A hundred eyes. All pointed at me.
I realized something.
...Airi wasn't here.
...She wasn't in the classroom.
I was dreaming.
Oh thank the gods above.
I let out a shaky sigh and wiped the cold sweat from my forehead.
She wasn't really here.
No tiny loli devil had actually found her way into my high school to ruin my social life.
Thank. God.
"Oi... you good?" Kouta leaned closer, looking at me like I'd finally lost my mind. "What's wrong with you? Bad dream or something?"
"Yeah..." I groaned, rubbing my temple. "Nightmare... the worst kind of nightmare."
"What kind? Ghost? Zombies? Giant cockroaches?"
I shook my head slowly.
"...A tiny devil."
Kouta raised an eyebrow. "Tiny devil? The heck does that mean? Like... a chibi succubus or something?"
"No... a real devil. In elementary form." I muttered, barely loud enough for him to hear.
"Bro, you've been watching too much cursed anime." Kouta sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Seriously. Get some normal sleep, man. Dreams like that don't happen in real life. A loli devil fiancé? Impossible. Not even in isekai."
Impossible, huh?
I forced a bitter laugh in my mind.
Oh, Kouta. If only you knew.
If only you knew that devil was real.
And her name was Airi.
If anyone in this classroom... no, in this entire school... found out that I—a plain background character of a high school student—was engaged to an elementary schooler... my life would be over.
No, worse than over.
I'd be legendary. Not in a good way.
I'd become that creepy upperclassman guy who "groomed" an innocent grade schooler.
I could see the rumors now.
"He's a lolicon!"
"He kidnapped her!"
"Call the police!"
And that would be the end of Haruhi Isagi's peaceful high school life.
"Dammit..." I sighed deeply and slumped over my desk.
I needed to calm down.
Relax.
Right. My phone.
I pulled out my phone from my pocket, hoping some mindless scrolling could numb my suffering. Social media, game apps... anything to distract me from the hell that was my life.
One new message.
Unknown number.
Huh?
I raised an eyebrow.
Who...?
I tapped it open.
[New Message]
> "Hey future husband <3 or should I call you 'darling' now? Hmm, you pick which sounds better, my fiancé~ Anyway, look at this cute dress! Do you think this suits me? ~Airi"
Attached below was a photo.
Of her.
Airi.
Wearing a blue one-piece dress with white floral patterns, twirling in front of a mirror with a huge innocent smile on her face.
I blinked.
My brain froze.
Why was this elementary school devil sending me this kind of message at 9 in the morning?! Wasn't she supposed to be at school?! Why was she modeling cute dresses instead?!
"Ugh..." I groaned quietly, holding the phone closer.
...She's cute.
No—wait.
WAIT.
What the hell am I thinking?!
I slapped my cheek lightly.
Stop it. Don't fall for it. She's ten. She's ten. She's TEN!!
I bit my lower lip.
She is cute though...
NO!! Stop thinking that way, idiot!
I covered my face with both hands.
God... if You can hear this pathetic soul, please smite me right now. Turn me into ash. Or let the school building collapse on me.
Anything.
Just don't let me fall into this abyss.
My thumb hovered over the phone screen, trembling slightly.
Should I reply?
What should I even say?!
'You look cute'? No way. That'll encourage her more.
'Stop texting me during class, go to school'? Wait... can I even scold her? I'm technically her fiancé thanks to my traitor mom...
...Damn you, mom.
I peeked at the screen again.
The dress was really cute, though...
"I hate this life..." I muttered under my breath, laying my head on the desk in total defeat.
Kouta glanced sideways at me.
"...Bro, you okay? You look like your soul left your body."
"...I want to die."
"You have girl problems or something? Is that why you screamed earlier?"
"You could say that..." I sighed.
Yeah.
Girl problems.
Elementary school-sized girl problems.
The worst kind.
Please... someone... end this suffering.