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Chapter 2: A Mission Too Absurd
Kazana was still catching his breath from the 11th Squad's "initiation" when he stumbled back to his assigned quarters in the Seireitei—a cramped, musty room that smelled faintly of old rice and regret. He flopped onto the thin futon, staring at the ceiling, his body aching from dodging Yumi's swings.
"I survived," he groaned. "Barely. But I'm alive, I've got Geppo, and I'm basically a badass now, right?"
The System's blue screen flickered to life, shattering his brief moment of peace.
New Mission: Peek into the Women's Bathhouse in the Seireitei. Reward: Random Devil Fruit Ability (Low to Mid-Tier).
Kazana shot upright, his face turning beet red. "What?! System, are you out of your digital mind?!" he hissed, waving his hands as if he could shoo the screen away. "Peeking on the women's bathhouse? That's not just deadly, it's a one-way ticket to getting obliterated by every female Soul Reaper in the Gotei 13! Rangiku's gonna crush me, Yoruichi's gonna flash-step me into next week, and Unohana—"
He shuddered, imagining her serene smile as she sliced him into neat, polite pieces.
The System didn't flinch, its text glowing smugly:
Mission Time Limit: 24 hours. Penalty for Failure: Random Spiritual Power Debuff.
Kazana groaned, dragging his hands down his face. "A debuff? In this world? I'll end up weaker than a Hollow's houseplant." He flopped back onto the futon, his lazy side screaming to ignore the mission, but the allure of a Devil Fruit ability—something straight out of One Piece—was too tempting.
"Fine," he muttered. "But if I die, I'm haunting you, System."
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The Seireitei at dusk was quieter, but no less intimidating. Kazana crept through the winding streets, his black shihakusho blending into the shadows. He wasn't stealthy by nature—his idea of "sneaking" was tiptoeing loudly while muttering apologies to imaginary guards—but his new Geppo skill let him hop onto rooftops with awkward, wobbly leaps.
"Okay, Kazana," he whispered to himself. "Just find the bathhouse, take a quick peek to satisfy this stupid System, and get out before anyone notices. Easy. Ish."
He had no idea where the women's bathhouse even was. His knowledge of Bleach was spotty—mostly binging Ichigo's fights and drooling over Unohana's calm beauty. Real-world Seireitei was a maze, and the anime hadn't exactly provided a map.
After an hour of wandering, he spotted a building with steam rising from its roof and muffled laughter echoing through the walls. His stomach churned.
"That's gotta be it," he muttered, his heart pounding like a taiko drum.
He Geppo'd onto a nearby tree, wobbling precariously on a branch. Through a small, high window, he could see steam and vague silhouettes. His face burned hotter than the bathwater.
"This is so wrong," he whispered, torn between his mission and his terror of getting caught. "I'm not a perv, I swear! It's just for the reward!"
As he leaned forward, trying to convince himself a quick glance counted as "peeking," the branch creaked ominously.
"Oh no, no, no—"
Snap! The branch gave way, and Kazana plummeted, crashing through the bathhouse roof with a spectacular thud, landing in a pile of splintered wood and tiles.
The laughter inside stopped dead. Kazana froze, sprawled in the wreckage, as a dozen pairs of eyes turned toward him. Rangiku Matsumoto, her towel barely clinging to her curves, stared in disbelief. Soi Fon, her expression promising a slow death, cracked her knuckles.
And worst of all, Captain Unohana stood at the edge of the bath, her serene smile somehow more terrifying than Soi Fon's glare.
"Uh… hi?" Kazana croaked, his voice cracking. "I, uh, was just… checking the roof for… leaks?"
Rangiku burst into laughter, clutching her sides. "Oh, this kid's got guts! Or he's just really stupid!"
Soi Fon's eyes narrowed. "You have five seconds to explain before I send you to the Maggot's Nest."
Kazana's mind blanked. He was terrible with girls on a good day—stammering, blushing, tripping over his own feet. Now, surrounded by half-naked, very powerful women, he was one step away from fainting.
"I-I-I didn't mean to! I was… uh… birdwatching! Yeah, there was this rare… spiritual sparrow, and—"
Unohana stepped forward, her presence silencing the room. "A spiritual sparrow, you say?" Her voice was soft, but it sent shivers down Kazana's spine. "How… curious. And what brought you to this particular rooftop?"
Kazana's mouth opened and closed like a fish. "I… uh…"
His brain screamed, Don't mention the System! They'll think you're insane! But before he could stammer out another excuse, the System dinged:
Mission Completed: Peek into the Women's Bathhouse. Reward: Gomu Gomu no Mi (Basic Rubber Fruit Ability).
New Mission: Escape the Bathhouse Without Being Killed. Reward: Random Hado Kido (Low-Tier).
Kazana's eyes widened. "Rubber powers? Awesome! But—escape?!" He glanced at Soi Fon, who was already reaching for her zanpakuto, and Unohana, whose smile hadn't wavered but now felt like a guillotine hovering over his neck.
Thinking fast, he activated his new Gomu Gomu no Mi ability. His arm stretched unnaturally, grabbing a broken beam overhead.
"Sorry, gotta go!" he yelped, yanking himself upward and through the hole in the roof. He landed on the tiles, slipped, and Geppo'd into the night, his stretchy limbs flailing like a cartoon character.
Behind him, Soi Fon's voice echoed, "Get back here, you little creep!"
A burst of shunpo told him she was hot on his tail.
Kazana sprinted across rooftops, his rubbery legs bouncing him farther than he expected, though he face-planted twice from misjudging his stretch.
"This is not what I signed up for!" he wailed, dodging a kunai that whizzed past his ear.
His heart raced, but a tiny part of him was thrilled—Geppo and a Devil Fruit?
He was starting to feel like a real protagonist… if protagonists regularly got chased by deadly women for accidental perversion.
He ducked into an alley, panting, and hid behind a stack of crates. Soi Fon's presence faded, but he didn't dare relax.
The System chimed again:
Mission Completed: Escape the Bathhouse Without Being Killed. Reward: Hado #4: Byakurai (Lightning Bolt).
Kazana grinned despite himself. "Lightning? Sweet. I'm basically a shonen hero now."
But his grin faded as he remembered Unohana's eerie smile. She hadn't chased him, but something told him she wasn't done with him.
Was she amused? Angry? Interested?
The thought made his stomach flip, equal parts terror and—okay, he'd admit it—a tiny bit of hope. Unohana was gorgeous, after all, even if she was scarier than a Hollow convention.
As he crept back to his quarters, Kazana resolved to be more careful. The System's missions were absurd, and its rewards were incredible, but one wrong move could land him in Aizen's crosshairs—or worse, Unohana's clinic. He shivered, imagining her "special treatment."
"Focus, Kazana," he muttered. "Survive, get strong, avoid Aizen, and maybe… just maybe… find a way to charm a girl like Unohana without dying."
He flopped onto his futon, exhausted but buzzing with possibility.
"One day at a time," he said, closing his eyes. "And no more bathhouses. Ever."
But as he drifted off, the System's screen flickered one last time:
New Mission: Challenge Captain Yoruichi Shihouin to a Race. Reward: Random High-Tier Mobility Technique.
Kazana's eyes snapped open.
"Oh, come on!"
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End of Chapter 2
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