*Or: When Your Evil Overlord Brother Steals Your Womb Juice*
"Push, Madam! PUSH!"
Three years of chaotic fetal shenanigans culminated in the grand entrance of Qin Feng, the self-proclaimed future overlord of the Qins. The ancestral estate buzzed with activity. Elite disciples patrolled with swords drawn, ready to decapitate anyone who even *sneezed* suspiciously. After all, birthing a prodigy wasn't just a family affair—it was a geopolitical statement.
Outside the delivery room, Patriarch Qin Tian paced like a caffeinated dragon. "Why isn't it over yet?!" he bellowed, flinching at his wife Yun Xiyue's screams. Inside, a tiny tyrant was staging a coup.
The Qin elders—ancient, tea-sipping relics of power—pretended to be calm. "Relax, Tian. We've birthed legends before," said First Elder, clutching his teacup so tightly it threatened to become dust. Their real interest? The baby who'd *already* mastered a top-tier cultivation technique *in utero*. Move over, Mozart. This kid had *dragon-vein meridians* before he even saw sunlight.
Meanwhile, inside the womb-realm…
"Nice try, *little bro*," Qin Feng mentally scoffed, delivering a roundhouse kick to his usurper sibling. For three years, he'd dominated their shared amniotic suite, hogging all the spiritual nutrients and amassing 33,200 "Villain Points" by bullying his fetal brother. The brat had learned to cower in the corner, surviving on whatever cosmic leftovers Feng didn't slurp up.
"Today's eviction day!" Feng crowed, ready to trade his liquid paradise for a world where he could spend his hard-earned points on, say, a cursed pacifier or a baby rattle forged from phoenix bones.
Back in the mortal realm, Yun Xiyue's final push unleashed a wail that shook the heavens. Literally.
**THWACK!**
The skies darkened. Thunder roared. A blood moon rose, bathing the land in crimson—a celestial billboard screaming, "WARNING: TROUBLE ENTERING CHAT."
"My son's a *heaven-defying genius*!" Qin Tian whooped, ignoring the elders' grimaces. To him, the blood moon was just extra flair for his boy's debut mix-tape. The elders knew better: blood moons meant war, famine, and a 90% chance your dynasty would collapse before naptime.
When the midwife handed Feng to his father, the baby's first thought was: *"Yikes. Dad's face could scare a basilisk."* His mother, however, was ethereal—a jade-skinned goddess who clearly did *all* the heavy lifting in the gene pool.
Then came the plot twist.
"Uh…there's another baby in there," the midwife announced, poking Yun's belly like it was a suspicious piñata.
"ANOTHER?!" The Qin clan short-circuited. If Baby #1 was a demigod, surely Baby #2 would be…
"A no-show," the midwife sighed. "This one's the size of a bean sprout. Needs three more years to marinate."
Patriarch Qin Tian's eye twitched. "Three. More. YEARS?! We're not running a womb-hostel!" But alas, the second heir—later dubbed "Qin Bao" (literally "Qin The Takeout Order")—dug in his non-existent heels, refusing to budge until he'd reclaimed his stolen nutrients.
Feng's internal monologue went full soap opera: *"RE-INSERT ME! I'LL KEEP KICKING HIM TILL HE PAYS RENT!"*
——
**Meanwhile, Across the Realm…**
The blood moon sent rival clans into panic.
**Darkmoon Sect:** "Quick! Sacrifice a goat! And someone check if our doomsday bunker's stocked with rice wine!"
**Celestial Sword Palace:** "This calls for…*a montage*! Train harder! Also, maybe kidnap the Qin baby?"
**Mystic Wellness Enclave:** "We're selling Blood Moon Repellent! 50% off for first-time apocalypse survivors!"
——
Back at the Qin estate, Feng's newborn theatrics continued. His "cries" vibrated at a frequency that shattered vases—a skill he'd later monetize as "Heavenly Wail: Volume 3." The elders side-eyed each other, mentally drafting their doomsday bingo cards:
- [ ] Plague
- [ ] Invasion
- [ ] That one cousin who'd definitely betray them for snacks
- [ ] Baby starts a cult
As for Qin Bao? The womb-squatter made his terms clear: *"I'll emerge when I'm good and ready…and when big bro's not hogging the magic juice."*
Thus began the Qin Dynasty's weirdest sibling rivalry—one brother a chaos gremlin destined to break the world, the other a fetal hermit plotting his comeback.
And somewhere, a system notification pinged:
**[New Quest: Survive Toddlerhood Without Accidentally Conquering a Kingdom.]**
——
*Author's Note: Next time on "My Brother is a Womb Hog"—Baby Feng's first words: "Tax evasion!"*