The salty scent of cigarettes was burning the back of my nose, worse than what the soju bottles were accomplishing. I was finding it harder to hear over the loud cheering being chanted at other tables. My head was spinning non stop, and I could feel heat swamp my face turning me as red as tomato. I kept staring at my food as if I was going to take another bite, but I couldn't gather the stomach to go much further than the thought.
"Ha-Yun, maybe you should stop." Jeong-Min said.
"Yeah, we know Chan-Yeol is an asshole for cheating, but maybe slow down." Eun-Ae spoke.
Chan-Yeol. Chan-Yeol. As much as I wanted to drown his name and memories in this alcohol, his name still weighed a lot on me. What now, I just accept and forgive? I placed my head in my arms, wishing I can hide the embarrassment that I was emitting off my flushed face. I felt buzzing from my pocket. I pulled my phone out and shoved it close to my face. I felt my heart skip a beat. Hubby was displayed and I instantly wished things were different, or maybe the same as it always was before we got married.
## FlashBack
Nothing couldn't take away the happiness I felt after getting accepted into my university. Not to mention my friends were also here with me. I dorm with one and the other is on another floor. I'm finally getting closer to my dream job. I feel so accomplished. To top it all off Lee Chan-Yeol was here. My boyfriend that stuck with me since my second year of high school. He didn't want to go to college, he saw it as a scam, and money waster, but he never discouraged me. Life couldn't be more smooth than what it was now. As I start to decorate my room, Chan-Yeol plops on my bed.
"Ha-Yun what do you say we get married. " He said it so casual like a normal conversation.
I was hesitant, I didn't expect him to ask me in that way, I expected him on his knees and glistening eyes at me with a warm smile on the beach. He grabbed my hand and pulled me close.
"Why now?" I asked.
"Well, we plan on staying together forever anyway right? Why not make it official."
I didn't mind the idea really, we were together for 3 years and they were many of the happiest moments in my life. I mean he's right, right?
"Ok, let's do it." I said with a smile.
After moving all my stuff into the dorms, Chan-Yeol decided we should do a quick marriage at a court house and do a big celebration with family later. I guess it was a good idea, especially me just starting college. Chan-Yeol also got us an apartment nothing to special but for first time couples, As Chan-Yeol searched for jobs, I tried to prioritize my school work. After we officially got our paperwork from the court, I expected a special night for us that maybe involved flowers or a decorated apartment. Instead Chan-Yeol was tired and said we would do the honeymoon activities later once we got more money. I guess his new job has been working him a lot.
After being married for months, we had a pretty good schedule. I would go to school, he would look for jobs, He would come and pick me up from college and drive us back to our home. Quickly I noticed our fresh love begin to settle. It was as if we were an old couple. We haven't even had sex yet. At first I felt maybe he wasn't attracted to me, but he also said he wanted to save the special moment for our honeymoon. Considerate is what it seemed at the time, but I heard men had a lot of rushed emotions and testosterone at these ages, how could he not even get lost in the thought of it? I waited longer than normal today. Maybe he had an interview.
"My study guide!" I rushed back to my dorm to grab it before he arrived.
As I turned down my hallway, I saw a guy slowly exiting out of a dorm room. Chan-Yeol? Followed by his slow movements was a girl who face looked smitten. I froze. What was he doing there? I couldn't bring myself to ask or even drop a tear. Eventually my awkwardness grabbed the attention of the girl, Chan-Yeol slowly turned his head. I wanted so much for it not to be him and only someone who resembled him. I couldn't shake the rush of anxiety that cloaked me when his eyes met mine. What was happening?
"Ha-Yun...I was just helping her with something heavy….are you ready?" He seemed to be breaking a sweat, as if he was caught.
Disgust waved over my body and I began to fill a rage I never felt boil. As Chan-Yeol walked to me, my eyes never left the girl who shot me a smirk and moved her hair away from her shoulder. As she entered back into her room, I caught a glance of a bruise formed on her neck. It was dark enough to see 3 doors down.
"Ha-Yun?" Chan-Yeol called me as I didn't notice he made it to me and was pulling my sleeve.
I pulled away from out his arms and lowered my head, I felt so much emotions, shame, fear, sadness, resentment. I walked back to outside and waited for Chan-Yeol to guide me to the car that he obviously hid. One thing was for sure, This perfect reality I created for myself was shattered.
When we arrived home, my first instinct was to shut myself in the bathroom and reflect, but even that wouldn't erase what my eyes have already decided was true. I cooked Ramen and Chan-Yeol proceeded as normal. I don't know if he was being cautious or just heartless, either way none of the choices made me feel any less of he didn't care. After so much adrenaline building up, I began to shake, as if I experienced some type of trauma.
"Why?" I asked.
I couldn't bring myself to look at him in his face.
"Please tell me you don't actually believe I would do that?" I heard the arrogance drip from the lips I once craved.
I didn't say a word. I finished my ramen and I sought to have this day over as quick as possible. We went to sleep in the bed together but it felt like we both clung to the edge of the bed as if touching each other was the last thing we would want to do.
## Chan-Yeol POV
I hate awkwardness. Why did she have to go and make the mood all gloomy. I thought wives had to trust their husbands, and at least make a proper meal. Couples fight all the time, but she's acting as if I slept with Yoo-Na. I mean all I did was make out with her….But it wasn't my intention, she really did ask for my help, it's just that one thing led to another. I wonder if Ha-Yun saw the mark I made. Seriously what's gotten into me. I pulled the covered over my eyes. I don't know why I feel less remorseful than I should feel. I slowly turned to look at Ha-Yun, her body looked amazing right now. Stop! It's not like I'm going to get any especially after today. Maybe tomorrow she will have calmed down and we can blow this thing over. Yoo-Na. How can one encounter make such a mark. I mean if only I would have waited to marry Ha-Yun, maybe I would feel free to actually explore my heart and what it really wants. I have been with Ha-Yun for 3 years, you would think we were destined to be together, but I'm slow to life and my parents wanted to send me aboard to get at least established. I didn't want my life being controlled. I still wanted to know what I wanted in life. Maybe rushing into a marriage wasn't a good life savior. Oh well, looks like we will have our ups and downs, Ha-Yun will never leave me. I am all she knows, her first love, and soon her first and only man she takes. This is just a kink in the plans.
## Present
I straighten up and leaped out of my seat and rushed toward the door.
"Ha-Yun!" Jeong-Min yelled.
"I have to answer this, I'll be back!" I responded.
I stumbled out the door and leaned on side of the building. I questioned myself if I was going to answer. Honestly there was a since of relief that I felt that he was calling me back to back. I hope he feels as anxious as I have grown to be these last couple of weeks. With a final call vibrating my phone, I slowly answered.
"Chan-" I instantly was silenced.
"Ha-Yun! Have you lost your fucking mind?! It is 11 and you're still out drinking! Did you forget you were a wife."
I wanted to cry, as if it burdened me to let him down, But rage began to fester. It was almost as I was triggered when he mentioned our marriage.
"Did you forget you had a wife? You weren't worried about me when you were doing whatever with that girl." He went silent.
When I yelled what was on my mind for a while I felt relief, and fear. What will happen now that I acknowledged his infidelity.
"You sure told him." I heard an unfamiliar voice just feet beside me.
I turned to the voice direction and saw a man, well he seems to look familiar, but I also can't see straight. He was also tossing back a bottle of beer.
"What?" I responded.
"I mean if I was your husband I'd feel burned." He smirked.
He was handsome. What held my attention other than his snarky comment was those gold glowing eyes. It was like eyes of a predator.
"Good thing you're not my husband." I responded.
I for a moment forgot Chan-Yeol was on the phone, and heard a yell.
"What?!" He screamed through the phone.
"I'm not talking to you." I said not thinking.
The guy slowly walked over closer to me and leaned down with his hands in his pocket.
"You better clear that up, or it won't be safe to go home." He pointed to the phone.
I felt hot. What was it, the jean jacket, the alcohol, or the fact that I was now a 2 foot distance from this mystery guy.
"Ha-Yun, who is that?! Is that a man?" I didn't have the courage to tell the truth.
"Me?" The mystery guy pointed to himself.
I can't tell if he's seriously like this, or he is purposely making my night harder on me.
"Ha-Yun, you better be home in the next 30 minutes before I come down there and get you myself." He hung up before I can protest.
Maybe I wasn't ready for marriage. Was this how it was. It seems that we're doing our own thing while still expecting a type of loyalty to each other. That's not the type of marriage I want.
"Chun Jae-Min." He states with a devious smile.
He was so attractive, but this almost feels wrong, like a trap. I can't think straight. Maybe I should have put down the alcohol.
"How rude, Naturally you introduce yourself back when someone does it to you."
His playful nature was almost teasing.
"Park Ha-Yun" I spoke.
I started to feel dizzy, it smelled of cologne. Honestly it was a scent that was capturing, a little too capturing. I turned away from him. I felt like vomiting.
"Do you-" He started.
"No need, I don't think any water would help." He chuckled.
"I actually was gonna ask if I should get one of your friends." I felt a sting in my gut.
How embarrassing. When did I ever develop such confidence. I started to feel a breeze, When I turned Jae-Min went back inside. What a jerk. All that attention just to get bored and leave a woman out here at this time of night. I have to get home before Chan-Yeol makes a big deal of the night. As I slowly straighten out my back, it was almost like I cleared a path for my vomit to fly. I started throwing up. As disgusting as I felt, It didn't stop. I felt my hair be swept behind me as well as a big hand rest on my hip. I felt a jolt and I instantly thought a bad thought. I quickly turned and It was Jae-Min. Even this close he is more handsome.
"You are trouble." I said.
"I can be if you need me to." I felt his grip on me get tighter.
The world began to spin and I couldn't keep up. I slowly closed my eyes and before I knew it the bright world became a black-hole.