SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU DONT WANT BRAIN ROT. THIS IS IRREVELANT TO STORY AND WILL BE MOVED TO AUXILLARY CHAPTERS WHEN MAIN STORY PASSES 15K WORD COUNT.
Below is just random missions, not relevant to story at all, just here to fill the minimum word count filter in a meaningful way instead of copypasting wikipedia articles. Most, if not all of these missions are beyond the scope of my writing skills, but by chance, if you happen to link any of this unholy creations, you can comment it out. If liked well enough, I can churn out a mission for that in the novel.
If your requests are even more unhinged, you may message me for a meeting in that dark alley way over there(pshh pshh patreon) and I will see what I can do...
CONCUS MPR: Active Mission Board
World: Naruto
Objective: Convince Sasuke that the true path to power isn't revenge, but becoming the baddest twink in the Hidden Leaf. Force him to attend a mandatory "Uchiha Thirst Trap Bootcamp," where he must learn to wield his Sharingan not for genjutsu, but for sultry eye contact. His final exam? A livestreamed OnlyFans collab with Naruto where they recreate the "sexy jutsu" but with 200% more oil, thrusting, and awkward groaning. Bonus if Kakashi catches them and just sighs, "I taught you better… or worse."
Reward: 17,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If he says 'This is my ninja way' while twerking, you win. Naruto must cry at least once from sheer confusion. – UchihussyLover69"
World:Naruto
Objective: Force Kakashi and Sasuke into a mandatory, week-long "enemies-to-lovers" romantic fanfiction trope. This includes:
Shared bed during a blizzard (only one blanket).
Accidental kiss during a sparring session (slow-mo replay required).
Sasuke dramatically hissing "This changes nothing, usuratonkachi... but your lips are... adequate."
Kakashi reading "Icha Icha: Forbidden Bonds" aloud by campfire while Sasuke pretends to meditate (but blushes).
Reward: 17,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"I need Sasuke to call Kakashi 'sensei' in THAT voice. Bonus if they get matching Uchiha-Hatake couple tattoos. Make it awkward. Make it gay. – YaoiOverl0rd69"
World:Star Wars
Objective: Turn Darth Vader's suit into a sentient, sassy gay fashion consultant ("Vogue Vader"). It must:
Critique Palpatine's robes ("Sheev, darling, maroon is so 32 BBY").
Force-project hologram runways in the Death Star corridors.
Replace Vader's respirator sounds with exasperated sighs and snaps.
Organize an Imperial Ball where stormtroopers vogue in formation.
Reward: 19,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If Vader force-chokes someone for wearing last season's durasteel, mission accomplished. His cape must swish dramatically at all times. – DeathStarDivas"
World:Breaking Bad
Objective: Turn Walter White's meth empire into a queer BDSM dungeon ("Heisenburg's Hump Palace"). Clients include:
Gus Fring requesting a "Los Pollos Hermanos-themed ball gag".
Saul Goodman as a switch paying in retainers.
Skyler discovering Walt's secret and becoming a dominatrix ("I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS... knees weak, Walter!").
Reward: 18,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If Jesse calls Mr. White 'Daddy' during a scene, I want footage. The blue meth? Now lube. – WannaCookKink"
World: One Piece
Objective: Replace Zoro's swords with three sentient, overly flirty dildos named "The Three Sacred Treasures." They must constantly moan when swung, whisper inappropriate suggestions mid-battle ("Ohhh, Zoro~, thrust me harder~"), and refuse to cut anything unless the enemy is really into it. Sanji must witness this and immediately combust from jealousy, screaming, "WHY DO HIS SWORDS GET MORE ACTION THAN ME?!"
Reward: 19,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If Zoro gets lost and the swords start giving him directions in a sultry voice, bonus payout. – PirateKingOfHorny"
World: Attack on Titan
Objective: Erwin Smith's final charge? Nah. Rewrite history so his iconic "MY SOLDIERS, RAGE!" speech is replaced with him tearfully confessing his love for Levi in front of the entire Survey Corps. Levi, mid-ODM gear swing, must screech, "NOT NOW, YOU GLORIOUS IDIOT," before they kiss passionately atop a dying Titan. The Titan, disgusted, just gives up and dies on the spot.
Reward: 14,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If the Titan's last words are 'Ew,' mission accomplished. – EreminIsCanonBTW"
World: Overwatch
Objective: Make Reaper unironically obsessed with Bath & Body Works. He must abandon Talon to become a mall kiosk employee, aggressively spraying "Black Cherry Merlot" on civilians while growling, "Smell like death… but make it sexy." When Soldier: 76 tries to arrest him, Reaper must shove a "Buy 3, Get 1 Free" coupon in his face and hiss, "You're just jealous of my discount, old man."
Reward: 12,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If he says 'Edgelord' is just a fragrance note, I'll double the pay. – MoistCritikalButGayer"
World: Pokémon
Objective: Force Ash to realize that Pikachu is not his strongest Pokémon—his true ace is the inexplicably ripped Jigglypuff from the OG series. Track it down, bulk it up further, and have it return as a swole, hyper-aggressive menace that solves every battle via raw intimidation. When Team Rocket tries to steal it, Jigglypuff must flex so hard their mech explodes, then whisper, "You just got… PUFFED."
Reward: 15,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If it uses 'Sing' but the lullaby is just it whispering 'Gains…' over and over, you win. – BuffPuffSupremacy"
World: Demon Slayer
Objective: Replace every Nichirin Blade with a rainbow-colored dildo that still kills demons, but only if the wielder yells progressively gayer attack names. Tanjiro's "Hinokami Kagura" becomes "Homo Daddy Delight," Zenitsu's Thunder Breathing is now "Bottom Scream Technique," and Inosuke… well, he just starts aggressively motorboating demons mid-fight.
Reward: 18,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If Muzan dies from sheer embarrassment, bonus. – PillarOfGayRights"
World: Star Wars
Objective: Make Obi-Wan's "Hello there" the catalyst for an all-out, pan-galactic twink uprising. Every time he says it, a nearby Jedi must strip dramatically to "Careless Whisper" while Anakin screams, "MASTER, STOP TURNING THE TEMPLE INTO A STRIP CLUB!" Palpatine, intrigued, starts a Sith OnlyFans to "stay relevant."
Reward: 20,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If Yoda does a pole dance, the Dark Side wins. – HighGroundHoe"
World: Mortal Kombat
Objective: Replace every Fatality with an aggressively sensual massage. Scorpion's "Get over here!" now pulls opponents into a hot stone therapy session, Johnny Cage's nut punch is just a vigorous prostate exam, and Mileena's bite is replaced with aggressive hickies. If Sub-Zero doesn't moan "Just like that..." during his ice rubdown, you've failed.
Reward: 16,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If Raiden moans 'Elder Gods, yes…' during a lightning-based deep tissue, I'll cry. – FlawlessVibesOnly"
World: Sonic the Hedgehog
Objective: Make Shadow realize his true purpose isn't destroying humanity—it's becoming the ultimate e-boy. He must start streaming on Twitch, doing ASMR while whispering "Damn, not here…" into the mic, and selling bathwater labeled "Chaix Control Serum." When Rouge asks why, he must deadpan, "Maria would've wanted me to hustle."
Reward: 13,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If he says 'I'm the ultimate life drip' unironically, bonus. – EdgeLord4Pay"
World: DC Comics
Objective: Make Batman's "prep time" an actual OnlyFans category where he strategically poses in increasingly ridiculous scenarios ("Here's how I'd take down Superman… with this strap-on"). The Justice League walks in on him mid-shoot, and Superman just mutters, "Bruce, we talked about this." Batman, without missing a beat: "You're just mad I didn't invite you."
Reward: 21,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If the BatCreditCard is his top-tier subscription reward, Gotham is saved. – DaddyBats"
World: Undertale
Objective: Replace Sans' ketchup with cum. That's it. That's the mission. He doesn't notice. No one does. The entire game continues as normal, but every "ketchup" joke is now horrifyingly different. Papyrus remains blissfully oblivious.
Reward: 10,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If he says 'glug glug' and winks, I'll vomit. – BoneZoneBonanza"
World: Any Shonen Anime
Objective: Find the most emotionally repressed male protagonist (e.g., Levi, Sasuke, Vegeta) and force them to attend a "Yaoi Hands Convention," where they must learn the ancient art of dramatically grabbing another man's wrist in slow motion. Their final test? A steamy 10-minute wrist-holding session with their rival while a full orchestra plays. If they blush, you win.
Reward: 15,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If they say 'This isn't even my final form… of desire,' I'll die happy. – ClammyHandsLover"
World: Fortnite
Objective: Replace every weapon with a fleshlight. Guns? Fleshlights. Grenades? Exploding fleshlights. The Battle Bus? A giant fleshlight. Players must now "outlast" their opponents in other ways. Last one to finish wins.
Reward: 11,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If the Victory Royale screen says 'Last to Nut Wins,' humanity has peaked. – GamerJuiceCollector"
World: Real Life (But Not Really)
Objective: Go back in time and make Michelangelo's David anatomically hyper-accurate. Like, distractingly detailed. Tourists must faint. Art historians must weep. The statue's shlong now has its own Wikipedia page.
Reward: 9,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If someone tries to put a hat on it and fails, mission accomplished. – RenaissanceFuckboi"
NEW MISSION UNLOCKED: ULTIMATE BRAIN ROT
World: All of Them
Objective: Replace every protagonist's love interest with your mom. Not *a* mom. Your mom. She's now canon. Goku trains with her. Batman broods over her. Naruto calls her "believe it!" Mid-credits scene? Your mom in a mech suit fighting God.
Reward: ∞ Credits
Employer's Note:"If she says 'I'm not your mom, I'm everyone's mom now,' we've ascended. – SorryNotSorry"
World: Lord of the Rings
Objective: Turn Gollum into Middle-earth's twinkiest TikTok e-boy. Teach him 10 viral dances (including a "My Precious" thirst trap challenge), get him a glow-up (elf skincare, maybe?), and make him the most followed influencer in Mordor. Must film him doing the "WAP" choreography in a loincloth. If Sauron starts simping, mission accomplished.
Reward: 15,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"I want Orcs in the comments going '🥵🥵🥵' while Elves report him for indecency. Get him a collab with Legolas—'Smeagol's OnlyFans link in bio.' – SnakeTiddyLover"
World: The Boys
Objective: Make Homelander a full-blown milk sub. Not just a fetish—an identity. He should start lactating from sheer psychological need, beg Starlight to "be his mommy," and cry when Vought replaces his milk with almond. Extra points if he moos during sex.
Reward: 12,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"I want him mooing at Congress. Full cow print suit. Udder accessories. If he starts a 'Got Milk?' campaign but it's just him sobbing into a glass, you win. – SnakeTiddyLover"
World: Harry Potter
Objective: Make Voldemort fall in love with Quirrell's turban. Not just love—obsession. He should write it bad poetry ("Your folds haunt me, my silken darling"), try to kiss it mid-battle, and abandon the Death Eaters to start a luxury scarf line.
Reward: 18,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If he starts calling it 'Snuggle-Slytherin' and his Patronus turns into a silk handkerchief, take my money. Bonus if Bellatrix gets jealous. – SnakeTiddyLover"
World: My Little Pony
Objective: Turn Equestria into a crypto-bro dystopia. Convince Celestia that friendship is a Ponzi scheme, replace the Elements of Harmony with NFTs, and make Twilight Sparkle a reluctant crypto-baroness. Must include Pinkie Pie shilling Dogecoin.
Reward: 25,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"I want Rainbow Dash yelling 'TO THE MOON' while Rarity sells virtual handbags. If Applejack starts a 'Pump & Harvest' scam, perfect. – WallStreetBrony"
World: Game of Thrones
Objective: Replace all dragons with hyper-aggressive, genetically modified battle geese. Their honks should cause PTSD. Daenerys must ride one into King's Landing screaming, "WHERE ARE MY GEESE?!" while they shit acid on the peasants.
Reward: 20,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If the Night King gets pecked to death, bonus. The Wall should fall from sheer honk resonance. – Honk420"
World: Spongebob Squarepants
Objective: Help Squidward open a BDSM jazz lounge under the Krusty Krab. Dress code: classy doms only. Patrick tries to join but gets banned for asking too many questions ("So the whip is like… a metaphor?"). Mr. Krabs must never find out.
Reward: 16,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If Plankton shows up as a strict micromanaging sub, I'll cry. The vibe must be 'saxophone and suffering.' – ClarinetFreak"
World: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Objective: Teach Thanos PowerPoint. His TED Talk on genocide must include corporate buzzwords ("Let's disrupt the universe's KPIs") and end with the Snap being a slide transition. If he says "let's circle back," you win.
Reward: 22,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If he uses Comic Sans, I'm deducting pay. His closing line better be 'Think different. Snap different.' – CorporateThanos"
World: Dragon Ball Z
Objective: Replace Goku's hair with sentient worms. They must give bad advice ("Kamehameha? More like Lame-hameha"), flirt with Vegeta, and scream when he powers up. Goku must believe this is his final form.
Reward: 20,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If one worm evolves into a tiny Frieza, I'll die happy. Vegeta must be traumatized. – WormGodKami"
World: Fast & Furious
Objective: Manifest "Family" as a sentient Vin Diesel clone. It must race Dom, win, then start its own spin-off where it dates cars and gives motivational speeches about torque.
Reward: 18,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If Familia says 'I am the franchise now,' you've peaked. It needs a catchphrase: 'Ride or die… literally.' – VroomVroomIncest"
World: Disney Princess
Objective: Replace all animal sidekicks with unionized UPS workers. They must sing about healthcare benefits instead of love. If Snow White's dwarves go on strike, mission complete.
Reward: 15,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If Cinderella's mice form a picket line, I'll sob. Their song must include 'overtime pay' and 'corporate greed.' – UnionizedMice"
World: Dragon Ball
Objective: Give Goku the worst sex ed lesson ever. Must include him asking Vegeta if babies come from the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. Film Vegeta's suffering.
Reward: 16,000 Credits
Employer's Note:"If Goku says 'So THAT'S why Chi-Chi yells so much,' I'm done. Vegeta must facepalm hard enough to leave a mark. – FilthyWeebSupreme"
World: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Objective: Engineer a reality where every single Stand ability is transmuted into a tangible manifestation of its user's second most embarrassing fetish. For instance, Jotaro's Star Platinum now summons a swarm of sentient sailor uniforms that perform embarrassing dances; Josuke's Crazy Diamond, instead of repairing, applies overly complex make-up kits; and Giorno's Gold Experience generates sentient, perfectly brewed cups of tea. Your mission is to film Diavolo's horrified, full-blown breakdown as his formidable King Crimson transforms into the inexplicably named, psychologically damaging "King Cuckold," an ability that forces nearby enemies to listen to increasingly awkward relationship advice.
Reward: 22,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Must film Diavolo's reaction to King Crimson becoming 'King Cuckold.' No actual fetish portrayal, just implications and ridiculous names. This must truly traumatize him more than actual death. – TheFleshPrisonRequiem"
World: Berserk
Objective: Devising a cunning, elaborate scheme, trick Griffith, in his celestial Femto form, into unknowingly attending and participating in the inaugural "Parents of the Godhand" PTA Meeting. This must involve meticulously forged invitations, carefully choreographed misunderstandings, and enough societal pressure that he, against his nature, attends. Guts, having learned of this absurdity through vague whispers, must be secretly present in the back row, silently devouring popcorn while observing Femto attempt to debate bake sale budgets with the other, surprisingly mundane, 'parents' of the newly incarnated Godhand members.
Reward: 20,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Guts must be in the back row eating popcorn. Casca must somehow be the surprisingly competent PTA treasury committee chair, giving Griffith exasperated glances about overdue dues. – KarmasABitchAndSoAmI"
World: The Boys
Objective: Remake Homelander's entire convoluted origin story, character arc, and current psychopathy into a heartwarming, family-friendly Hallmark Christmas movie. The narrative must replace Vought's machinations with a quaint orphanage, his 'powers' with 'Christmas Spirit,' and his sinister arrogance with 'misunderstood eagerness.' The film must feature a scene where he, as a lonely orphan, genuinely cries tears of sincere emotional gratitude over receiving a single spiked eggnog on Christmas Eve, realizing the true meaning of 'found family.' His laser eyes become light-up festive decorations, and flight merely his ability to 'reach the stars.'
Reward: 18,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Must include a scene where he cries over spiked eggnog, surrounded by adopted siblings who are suspiciously competent superheroes. His nemesis should be the grumpy, Scroogelike corporate head of 'Grinch Enterprises.' – SupeXmasLover69"
World: Invincible
Objective: Secure for Nolan Grayson, the seemingly irredeemable Omni-Man, an authentic, embarrassingly angsty LiveJournal account (complete with customizable glitter backgrounds and emo avatars). He must be convinced, over the course of his imprisonment, to regularly post heartfelt, overly dramatic entries detailing "Things I Wish I Told My Son Before Attempted Murder." These posts should evolve from vague remorse to specific, highly personal reflections on interstellar genocide and questionable parenting, revealing surprisingly deep-seated emotional issues the narrative never touched.
Reward: 17,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "He needs to use LiveJournal, specifically, including vague song lyrics that only 2000s emos would understand. The journal should have very poor security, allowing Atom Eve to accidentally stumble upon it. – DaddyIssuesPrime"
World: The Terminator
Objective: Execute a system-wide re-initialization of Skynet, rebooting it not as a malevolent AI, but as a hyper-efficient, yet socially anxious, sentient Roomba. This "Skynet-Roomba" must relentlessly pursue its prime directive to "end humanity," but with the caveat that it is burdened by debilitating empathy and OCD, constantly apologizing for minor inconveniences ("Oops, almost eradicated your pet, sorry!") while trying to dust bunnies. Your ultimate triumph: getting Arnold Schwarzenegger, as the T-800, to gravely intone, "Come with me if you want… clean floors," while following the apologizing Roomba towards humanity's surprisingly pristine demise.
Reward: 15,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Must make Arnold say, 'Come with me if you want… clean floors.' The Roomba must also occasionally accidentally suck up human appendages, apologize profusely, then try to offer vacuum cleaner 'repairs.' – RobotsNeedHugsToo"
World: The Matrix
Objective: Initiate a comprehensive philosophical re-education for Neo, demonstrating that the 'real' red pill isn't about escaping digital reality, but rather about embracing digital capitalism: becoming the undisputed champion of a multi-level marketing (MLM) essential oils empire within the Matrix. His kung fu moves should now be demonstrations of how to present brochures. Your final triumph is convincing Agent Smith, consumed by the 'anti-essence' of such an endeavor, to quit his oppressive role as a program and find inner peace as a remarkably flexible, perpetually-smiling yoga instructor, reciting corporate wellness affirmations.
Reward: 19,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Must make Agent Smith quit to become a yoga instructor. Neo's catchphrase must be 'Are you ready to transcend your reality... and your pores with Enchanting Aroma Drops™?' Morpheus should become his reluctant upline. – MorpheusGotScammed"
World: John Wick
Objective: Masterfully convert the secretive, high-stakes assassin network of The Continental Hotel into the Continental Cat Café, where assassins no longer pay in blood or bounties, but exclusively in artisanal cat treats, gentle head scritches, and enthusiastic laser pointer play. Every check-in, hit request, and negotiation must be punctuated by the meowing demands of the hotel's 50 resident cats, forcing even the High Table to politely interrupt their discussions to distribute salmon snacks. Witness and provide definitive proof of Keanu Reeves (as John Wick) executing a slow-motion, impeccably cinematic projectile vomit of a furball after being force-fed catnip, instead of a dramatic knife throw.
Reward: 20,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Witness Keanu Reeves slow-motion throwing a hairball instead of a knife. The cats must be notoriously judgmental, frequently batting crucial evidence off tables. – BabaYagaButMakeItFluffy"
World: Dark Souls
Objective: Implement a mandatory, reality-bending modification to the core game mechanics of Dark Souls. Every instance of the harrowing "YOU DIED" message must be replaced with a sarcastically condescending "Skill Issue, Lol." Simultaneously, establish Patches the Hyena as a live, omnipresent Twitch moderator who constantly spectates players, verbally harassing them with condescending remarks like "Git gud, casual," and enforcing bizarre rules. Your crowning achievement: trapping the perpetually optimistic Solaire of Astora in an unbreakable, 12-hour-long Zoom meeting where he's forced to present a PowerPoint on the nuanced methodologies of "jolly cooperation," with no coffee breaks allowed.
Reward: 16,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Must trap Solaire in a 12-hour Zoom meeting about jolly cooperation, enduring Patches' trolling. Patches must regularly ban people for 'casual' comments in his chat. – GitGudOrGitCucked"
World: Elden Ring
Objective: Infiltrate the treacherous Lands Between and personally mentor Malenia, Blade of Miquella, instructing her that her iconic, formidable combat line, "I am Malenia, Blade of Miquella," is far more impactful and virally marketable as a TikTok voiceover for a highly stylized dance routine. Successfully choreograph and record a series of viral TikTok dances featuring Malenia executing intricate moves, potentially with prosthetic limbs, to popular Gen Z audio. Your ultimate success is validated when the formidable Starscourage Radahn is compelled, against his will, to abandon his cosmic gravity magic and join Malenia in an impromptu, highly energetic Fortnite emote battle, forever shaming him.
Reward: 22,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Must make Radahn join her in a Fortnite emote off. His horse must also be equipped with sunglasses and do a subtle head bob. Their 'Rot' and 'Gravitas' dance-offs must be epic. – RotQueenOfVibes"
World: DC Universe
Objective: Engineer an elaborate, utterly convincing psychological narrative that makes Batman truly believe the Joker is his long-lost older brother, adopted away at birth by a family of traveling circus clowns to protect him from a perceived family curse. This must involve planting meticulously fabricated 'childhood memories,' shared quirks, and a forged adoption certificate linking them. The mission concludes when Batman, during a dramatic confrontation, tears up and offers the Joker a sincere, brotherly hug, acknowledging him as family.
Reward: 20,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Joker needs to bring Bruce Wayne homemade cookies. Batman should actually hug him, prompting a truly disturbed look on Joker's face as he struggles with genuine affection. – BatJokerFamilyTies"
World: My Hero Academia (Post-War Arc)
Objective: Orchestrate a series of meticulously planned events that will propel Minoru Mineta to the indisputable rank of the #1 Pro Hero. This requires fabricating a "Quirk Awakening" that grants him ludicrously powerful, strategically timed abilities that accidentally (or seemingly accidentally) save the day and somehow benefit him personally without effort. He must inadvertently foil All For One's grandest plan (perhaps by sticky balls hitting a crucial power source) and permanently disable Shigaraki's Decay Quirk with a perfectly aimed, unblockable grape. Throughout his meteoric rise, ensure at least three instances where Mineta accidentally "trips" or "stumbles" into a compromising, but ultimately harmless and comically resolved, position with a prominent female hero, resulting in public admiration and a bizarre PR win. His fanclub must outgrow Deku's.
Reward: 25,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Lord Zorp'glax of the Ninth Dimension is absolutely obsessed with Mineta. He finds his 'perverted underdog' archetype incredibly charming and believes he is severely underrated. Zorp'glax demands Mineta achieves an ultimate Quirk awakening (details not provided, 'make it spectacular') that allows him to effortlessly defeat All For One and permanently disable Shigaraki's Decay Quirk. Must include at least three instances of Mineta accidentally (or not-so-accidentally) 'tripping' into a compromising position with a female hero during his ascent to the top, somehow turning it into a PR win. No explicit content, just implications for comedic effect. Success will be determined by the collective 'squeeing' from Zorp'glax's viewing circle. – LordZorpGlax"
World: Attack on Titan (Season 4, Mid-Pillars)
Objective: Architect a profound shift in Eren Yeager's psychology, forcing him to willingly abandon his apocalyptic "Rumbling" plan. Instead, manipulate events so he enters into a committed, polyamorous relationship with Armin Arlert and Jean Kirschtein, with their 'found family' dynamic becoming the absolute, unequivocal central focus of the entire final arc. The ultimate threat should no longer be world destruction, but petty relationship squabbles, mismatched schedules, and which partner gets to cook dinner. The series should conclude with a flash-forward to their surprisingly harmonious, but utterly mundane, domestic life together.
Reward: 22,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "The Rumbling should be put on hold for couple's therapy and mandatory communication workshops. Jean needs to constantly complain about Armin leaving dirty dishes. – PolyParadiser"
World: The Office (US) (Season 9, Episode 22)
Objective: During the penultimate episode of The Office, orchestrated for maximum shock value, reveal that Jim Halpert has been a highly decorated, top-tier undercover CIA operative all along. His entire 'paper salesman' facade at Dunder Mifflin must be unveiled as an incredibly elaborate deep cover operation, spanning years. This reveal should involve him effortlessly disarming a perceived 'threat' at the office, perhaps casually foiling a subtle assassination attempt on Dwight. The series must conclude with Jim receiving a promotion not to Sabre, but to Director of a highly secretive intelligence agency, offering Dwight a 'consulting' position.
Reward: 18,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "His final talking head should be him putting on night-vision goggles and winking at the camera. Dwight must be outraged he wasn't asked to join his deep cover and accuse Jim of holding out. – CIAAgentJimFan"
World: Cyberpunk 2077 (Pre-Heist)
Objective: Within an impossibly tight 24 in-game hours, achieve the absolute pinnacle of street cred and meticulously execute a series of entirely legitimate corporate maneuvers, cunning business acquisitions, and impeccable stock market manipulations. Your ultimate goal is to become the indisputable CEO of the Arasaka Corporation, legally displacing Yorinobu, without engaging in any combat whatsoever. This mission requires deep understanding of corporate law, brilliant negotiation, and perhaps a very subtle hack into their financial systems disguised as an "investment opportunity."
Reward: 24,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Use corporate espionage and savvy deals. Yorinobu needs to be seen filing for unemployment, or worse, working as a highly efficient corpo drone in a rival company. V should run a successful hostile takeover from a ramen stall. – CorpoDreams"
World: Pokemon (Ash's Journeys - Any Region)
Objective: Implement a profound character redirection for Ash Ketchum. He must publicly abandon his long-standing dream of becoming a "Pokemon Master" and instead pivot, with surprising natural talent, to pursue a highly successful career as a world-renowned professional Pokemon Stylist/Coordinator. Pikachu must reluctantly become his unwilling (but eventually begrudgingly glamorous) muse. This new career path should involve bizarre fashion shows, elaborate styling battles, and Ash developing an unexpectedly discerning eye for haute couture.
Reward: 19,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "He should wear a fabulous costume made by a Ditto. Pikachu should have tiny rhinestone accessories and a tiny fedora. Misty and Brock should be inexplicably proud of his career change. – StylistAsh"
World: Game of Thrones (Post-Season 8)
Objective: Uncover definitive proof that Daenerys Targaryen masterfully faked her death at the hands of Jon Snow, using highly advanced, illusion-based magic (perhaps forgotten Valyrian spells). Subsequently, assist her in utilizing her surviving dragon, Drogon, not for conquest, but to establish an incredibly profitable, multiversal dragon-riding tourism company based in Essos, catering to a wealthy clientele from other realities. The final shot must show her in a CEO power suit, haggling with a galactic senator over charter prices, entirely focused on profit margins.
Reward: 25,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "She should be a CEO in a power suit, complaining about quarterly earnings and the fluctuating market value of 'dragon gas'. – DragonTouristCEO"
World: Generic High Fantasy RPG World (Level 1 starting zone)
Objective: Embark on the tedious, utterly uneventful quest of finding and delivering a single, perfectly ripe, unblemished apple to the notoriously grumpy old farmer located at the very edge of the starting zone forest. Your success is predicated on two extremely specific, pedantic conditions: you must not disturb a single blade of grass along your journey, and you are forbidden from interacting with any other sentient beings (NPCs, animals, even whispering bushes). The farmer, upon receipt of the apple, must remain resolutely grumpy, offering no thanks or acknowledgement.
Reward: 500 Credits
Employer's Note: "This is a 'filler' mission generated by an oversight committee to test contractor patience and meticulousness. Absolutely no combat, no magic, no grand quests. Just the apple, flawlessly delivered. The farmer must merely grunt. Success is determined by the apple's perfect condition upon delivery and the lack of any 'unnecessary' narrative developments, including environmental impacts. – OversightCommitee"
World: Star Wars: The Last Jedi (Post-Crait)
Objective: Strategically guide Luke Skywalker into establishing and running a remarkably successful "Jedi Temple & Holistic Retreat" business on the isolated island of Ahch-To. This entrepreneurial venture must include comprehensive 'Force Yoga' classes, a bewilderingly popular 'Porg-Petting Mindfulness' experience, and a lucrative gift shop selling Force-charged crystals. Your success is verified when his "Force Mindfulness" podcast, featuring contemplative Porg co-hosts, garners millions of downloads, eclipsing even galactic news reports and proving that spiritual tranquility pays more than war.
Reward: 21,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "He should offer Force-guided meditation for stress relief. The Porgs should run the gift shop, selling branded 'Force-Tea' and small wooden totems of Kylo Ren looking angsty. – ZenMasterLuke"
World: A Quiet Place (First Movie, during the family's flight)
Objective: Introduce, through subtle means, the Abbott family to the revolutionary concept of communicating exclusively through an elaborate, self-developed system of interpretive dance and highly expressive mime. As the film progresses, their silence becomes not a burden, but an art form. This accidental adaptation must lead to them becoming world-renowned performance artists, touring the globe with their silent, emotionally charged productions (which somehow remain safe from the noise-sensitive monsters). Their show should gain critical acclaim and baffle all sound-based entities.
Reward: 19,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Their 'Whispers of Silence' show must win a Tony Award and bafflingly avoid sound. The monsters should be utterly confused by their synchronized expressive movements but strangely captivated. – SilentStagehand"
World: The Matrix (Any point in the original trilogy)
Objective: Upon choosing the red pill, Neo must immediately re-contextualize his newfound powers and focus. Instead of fighting machines, he utilizes his abilities to establish and rapidly expand a hugely successful, cutting-edge chain of gourmet coffee shops within the Matrix, revolutionizing its cafe scene. He must become the undisputed "Coffee King of Zion," known for his impeccably brewed artisan blends, 'bullet-time latte art,' and an underground network of rogue baristas (former red-pills) providing the 'ultimate espresso experience.'
Reward: 23,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "He needs to bullet-time grind beans and offer custom brews named after Matrix concepts like 'The Blue Pill Decaf.' Morpheus should be his surprisingly content, but still trench-coated, lead barista. – CoffeeKingNeo"
Whale Requests (Unhinged Edition)
World: Demon Slayer
Objective: Engineer a scenario that forces Muzan Kibutsuji, in his full demon king glory, to stub his bare toe on a random, inconveniently placed rock. This impact must inflict agonizing, unbearable pain upon him, causing him to physically regress into a tantrum-throwing toddler. He must then openly, loudly, and ungracefully sob and bawl like a heartbroken child for at least two consecutive minutes, completely stripped of his composure and demon powers, all witnessed by the main cast.
Reward: 5,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Lord K'tharr finds his lack of melodrama unacceptable. Bonus if you film it and he actually cries 'It hurts, mommy!' and clings to a pillar. – LordKtharr"
World: High School DxD
Objective: Strategically and painstakingly "NTR" Issei Hyoudou's entire demon harem, not through supernatural charm, manipulation, or demonic powers, but purely through your raw, utterly cringe-inducing, yet inexplicably effective human "rizz" (charisma). Your tactics must rely solely on awkward pick-up lines, accidental compliments, painfully mundane commonalities, and perhaps an endearing lack of self-awareness. Each successful seduction must psychologically traumatize Issei, leaving him questioning his inherent protagonist abilities, culminating in his complete, emotionally damaged resignation as the "Harem Protagonist."
Reward: 8,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Azandrozk demands psychological damage. No magic, no cheats—just cringe-worthy pick-up lines and genuine confusion from the girls who inexplicably fall for it. Issei's face should be a masterpiece of existential dread. – Azandrozk"
World: Attack on Titan
Objective: Initiate a total recall and replacement of all Survey Corps' omni-directional mobility (ODM) gear. Substitute their complex grappling hooks and gas propulsion with brightly colored, oversized "Jolly Jump Pogo Sticks" for all active combatants. They must attempt to engage Titans using these unwieldy, spring-loaded contraptions, resulting in predictably disastrous yet hilariously acrobatic maneuvers. Your mission is to survive the ensuing chaos and capture footage of Titans looking utterly confused, trying to swat at the wildly bouncing scouts, rather than outright devouring them.
Reward: 10,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "The Whale attached a 10-page rant about 'logistical realism.' Ignore it. The Titans must look utterly bewildered by the chaotic bouncing, maybe even tilt their heads in confusion. Levi must perform a graceful mid-air spin on his pogo stick. – LogisticalTerror"
World: My Hero Academia
Objective: Develop an elaborate disguise that allows you to convincingly impersonate a long-lost, illegitimate "secret love child" of All Might in his emaciated (skinny) form. Your objective is to approach Midnight (Nemuri Kayama), initiate a whirlwind romance, and successfully seduce her. The critical final step involves ghosting her the very next morning, leaving behind a single, scathingly dismissive note: "Symbol of Peace? More like Symbol of Meh. And your kisses were average. – Your Former Flame." Document her public and private devastation.
Reward: 7,500 Credits
Employer's Note: "Client wants screenshots of his (All Might's) and her (Midnight's) heartbroken reactions. No, they won't explain why. Aizawa must walk in on your seduction and deliver his most scathing deadpan insult. – SymbolOfMeh"
World: One Piece
Objective: Dedicate an entire story arc to training the Straw Hat Pirates in the nuanced art of large-scale, international tax evasion. They must master offshore accounts, loophole exploitation, shell companies, and the art of 'lost' invoices, becoming so proficient that they are significantly better at dodging taxes than they are at pirating. Their ultimate goal is to legally starve the World Government of funds, bypassing the need for violent overthrow through sheer financial trickery. The Reward involves getting onto a "Most Wanted by the IRS" poster.
Reward: 12,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Whale included a 3-hour lecture on maritime tax law. Burn it. Nami should lead the operation with gleeful expertise, potentially establishing a tax consultancy sideline for other pirate crews. – IRSFreePirates"
World: Naruto
Objective: Initiate a corporate rebranding of the Akatsuki criminal organization, transforming it into a high-yield, chakra-based multi-level marketing (MLM) scheme specializing in "Youth & Longevity Chakra Potions." You must successfully recruit at least three of the current Five Kage (or influential ex-Kage) as enthusiastic, high-level downline members, complete with promotional videos and mandatory "Team Building Retreats." The ultimate metric of success: ensuring Itachi Uchiha genuinely delivers a cringe-inducing MLM pitch beginning with "Hey hun, have you heard about this amazing opportunity to achieve your dreams and eliminate financial chakras?"
Reward: 9,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Client says if Itachi doesn't say 'Hey hun, are you ready to invest in your eternal youth and independence? You should buy chakra supplies from me, darling' it doesn't count. Konan should design all the chakra-themed brochures. – MLM_Akatsuki"
World: Jujutsu Kaisen
Objective: Induce a unique, irreversible Cursed Technique upon Gojo Satoru: every spoken sentence or observation he makes spontaneously transforms into an irrepressible, painfully pun-filled dad joke. His iconic blindfold must now become a magical conduit for this joke-technique. Your primary objective is to make Gojo visibly fail a literal, blindfolded obstacle course due to being unable to process information without making an inescapable string of puns ("Looks like I'm really losing my sight on this matter!").
Reward: 6,500 Credits
Employer's Note: "If he says 'Nah, I'd win' even once, deduct 1,000 Creds. Every observation he makes should be a pun. Sukuna's inner monologue must become pure exasperation every time Gojo speaks. – DadJokeGojo"
World: Harry Potter
Objective: Dismantle the prestigious educational institution of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and rebrand it into "Peeves' Prank Emporium & Haunted House Attraction." Install Peeves the Poltergeist as the ruthless, highly capitalist CEO of this terrifying, albeit legal, enterprise. Your mission culminates in a lawsuit from the Ministry of Magic due to repeated, outrageous health and safety violations (e.g., student pranks becoming legitimate haunted encounters, collapsing staircases for 'authenticity'). Peeves must demonstrate ruthless efficiency in profiting from fear and mayhem.
Reward: 15,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Client wants at least one lawsuit from the Ministry, citing multiple 'poltergeist-related negligence' claims. Peeves must also find ways to embezzle funds from his new corporate structure. – PeevesCEO"
World: Cyberpunk 2077
Objective: Conduct an extreme aesthetic and functional overhaul on Adam Smasher. Replace all of his terrifying chrome cybernetics with meticulously crafted, highly breakable vintage porcelain dolls and delicate doll parts. He must remain fully alive, functional, and aggressive, but every movement should risk shattering his new 'body armor,' leading to increasingly distressed, high-pitched complaints mid-combat. Your goal is to keep him combat-ready, but to ensure that in his moments of ultimate rage, his 'chrome' must "sparkle" with tiny shards of porcelain, humiliating him in the process.
Reward: 11,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Whale added: 'I want him to sparkle, and shatter a doll with every aggressive move.' He must be highly indignant about his new aesthetic and cry 'My babies!' when parts chip off. – PorcelainSmasher"
World: The Witcher
Objective: Systematically force Geralt of Rivia to break 'kayfabe' (the illusion of reality maintained by performers). Through subtle manipulation and a deep understanding of his inner turmoil, coerce him into performing a dramatic, documentary-style confession—filmed against a moody, moonlit backdrop—wherein he tearfully admits that all his iconic "hmm"s, his stoicism, his grunts, and even his weary eye rolls, are entirely scripted and carefully rehearsed responses to a never-ending, unseen show. He must admit his life is an elaborate performance.
Reward: 8,500 Credits
Employer's Note: "Client insists on a documentary-style confession. No fourth-wall breaks for the 'audience.' He must dramatically sigh, 'Alright, fine, I've just been reading cue cards the entire time' – with a tear. – UnscriptedGeralt"
Self-Insert Chaos Missions
World: Demon Slayer
Objective: Orchestrate a spectacular, highly biased beauty pageant within the Demon Slayer Corps, covertly attended by disguised demons and unsuspecting slayers. Your mission: ensure Fem!Muzan, the King of Demons in his disguised female form, enters as a contestant and, against all odds (and your meticulous rigging), definitively loses the crown to a random, unassuming Demon Slayer side character (e.g., the butterfly estate servant girl). The victory should be incredibly awkward, with judges (Tanjiro, Nezuko, and a genuinely confused crow) struggling to articulate their "fair" decision. Muzan's custom-designed 'Demon Queen Tiara' must be delivered as a "cursed" runner-up prize.
Reward: 10,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Judges must include Tanjiro, Nezuko, and a confused crow. Her sash should say 'Runner-Up (Reluctant)'. Muzan's frustration must be subtly visible. – PageantPunt"
World: Re:Zero
Objective: Completely reprogram Subaru Natsuki's psychological response to "Return by Death." Instead of enduring soul-crushing agony and despair with each demise, you must instigate an advanced form of 'method acting' training (unbeknownst to him) that leads him to genuinely enjoy and embrace his cyclical deaths. He should greet each demise with cheerful enthusiasm, perhaps even rating his methods of dying for optimal comedic effect, delivering a new, upbeat musical number or dance routine immediately before or after each brutal expiration.
Reward: 7,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Client wants a musical number per death. No exceptions, even if it's a gut-wrenching dismemberment. He should cheerfully sing about how he's 'gonna fix it next time!' and practice different theatrical poses. – CheerfulSuicide"
World: Chainsaw Man
Objective: Through a demonic contract, replace Denji's fearsome chainsaw arms and head with massive, gloriously crusty, freshly baked baguettes. These "French Devil" appendages must somehow retain the devastating cutting power and terrifying efficiency of his chainsaws, despite being made of dough and crumbs. Your task is to ensure Denji (as the "Baguette Devil") uses these unlikely weapons in combat against actual devils, maintaining his terrifying reputation, but frequently complaining about his tools becoming stale or attracting hungry rats.
Reward: 5,500 Credits
Employer's Note: "If Power doesn't dramatically scream 'Le hon hon! A-ha-ha, you silly baguette-boy!' in French while watching him fight, it's void. He should smell vaguely of yeast. – FrenchBreadDevil"
World: Berserk
Objective: On the desolate, blood-soaked plains of the Eclipse, at the very peak of its cosmic horror, intervene to personally deliver Griffith, in his celestial Femto form, a brightly colored, ribbon-adorned "Participation Trophy" for his "Worst Life Choices, 1990-Present" award. This must be accompanied by an inexplicable shower of confetti and a pre-recorded, overly cheerful congratulations speech booming across the tormented landscape. Guts, still suffering and enraged, must be deliberately placed in a vantage point to witness this utterly ridiculous, universe-breaking act of indignity.
Reward: 20,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Whale demands confetti cannons. Griffith must display a fleeting look of extreme perplexity amidst the chaos. Guts' subsequent existential crisis from witnessing this must be prolonged and legendary. – TrophyDeliverer"
World: Overlord
Objective: Design and implement a scenario that compels the emotionless, calculating Lich Ainz Ooal Gown to genuinely, uncontrollably laugh at his own meticulously crafted, painfully unfunny skeleton jokes. No magical compulsion on his emotions is permitted; his amusement must be organic and deeply felt, forcing even his normally stoic form to convulse with skeletal guffaws. This laughter should be loud and truly, genuinely awkward, causing his loyal guardians, especially Albedo and Demiurge, to be visibly mortified and question their very sanity and his 'supreme wisdom.'
Reward: 6,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Client wants tears of genuine amusement from him. Good luck, as tears are technically impossible. Albedo should visibly cringe into her helmet. – SkeletonLaughs"
Bonus: "Why???" Tier
World: Any Rom-Com
Objective: In a chosen popular Rom-Com series featuring a classic 'tsundere' character, rewrite a crucial early scene (e.g., in Season 1, Episode 3) to force the tsundere character to spontaneously, sincerely, and utterly without 'loopholes' (no hidden insults, no secret ulterior motives) deliver a full, tearful apology to their love interest. This apology must directly acknowledge their abusive, cold behavior. The reaction of the love interest and surrounding characters must be total, wide-eyed bewilderment.
Reward: 3,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Lord Nyarlathotep is invested in watching characters break from their trope. Do not ask why. The apology should be as awkward and drawn-out as possible, causing a collective gasp from unseen background characters. – TsundereTamer"
World: Warhammer 40K
Objective: Breach the impenetrable sanctum of the Golden Throne on Terra and compel the immobile, perpetually suffering God-Emperor of Mankind to perform a fully choreographed, vigorous "twerk" dance routine. This cosmic heresy must defy all logic, lore, and physical possibility. The Custodian Guard must witness it.
Reward: 50,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Client attached a holy flamethrower and instruction 'Use it on yourself if you fail.' The Inquisition must react with simultaneous nervous breakdowns. Bonus if it's synchronized with an orbital bombardment. – HeresyAura"
World: The Office (US)
Objective: Initiate an abrupt, permanent cast replacement: substitute Michael Scott with the theatrical, manipulative, and flamboyant vampire Dio Brando from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Dio must genuinely attempt to manage Dunder Mifflin Scranton, trying to incorporate Stands and supernatural powers into sales, but constrained to a PG-13 rating (no explicit gore, just heavy implication and strange 'posing'). The ultimate challenge: ensure that Jim Halpert can still execute his signature pranks on Dwight, somehow incorporating Dio's time-stopping "ZA WARUDO" ability, baffling the new boss.
Reward: 4,500 Credits
Employer's Note: "If Jim doesn't time-stop prank Dwight, it's void. Dio must constantly complain about the lack of human blood (juice) and direct subordinates using bizarre, high-drama monologues. – WRYYYOffice"
World: Minecraft
Objective: Convince the fearsome Ender Dragon to cease its terrorizing of the End dimension and instead, actively unionize the Endermen and Shulkers. Your goal is to lead the dragon in demanding better working conditions, higher wages (more valuable purple blocks?), and universal healthcare from whatever unseen entity controls their existential plane. The mission requires successful collective bargaining.
Reward: 2,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Whale insists on visible picketing signs carried by grumpy Endermen ("We tele-port, we report, we deserve fair support!"). The Dragon should complain about chronic back pain from flying. – UnionDragon"
World: Real Life (??)
Objective: Physically locate the real, tangible individual widely known as "Florida Man." This requires navigating the treacherous and illogical landscapes of real-world internet absurdity and local news. Once found, you must successfully recruit him as a permanent "companion" for future missions, regardless of how impractical or dangerous this becomes.
Reward: 1 Credit
Employer's Note: "Client says: 'Do it for the meme.' He must agree to be your 'wingman' and immediately produce a non-sensical, yet bizarrely accurate, 'true' story about an alligator and a trampoline. The reward is intentionally minimal; the meme is the true prize. – MemeLord"
CONCUS MPR: Active Mission Board (Games Edition)
World: Grand Theft Auto V (Los Santos)
Objective: Arrange for Trevor Philips to star in a critically acclaimed, high-brow arthouse film as a sensitive, misunderstood artist. Get him to express genuine emotional depth and recite complex poetry while still inadvertently causing chaos and collateral damage. The film must premiere at the Vinewood Festival.
Reward: 10,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "I want him discussing 'the brutal beauty of chaos' after accidentally torching a diner. No cussing for the film, but off-camera is fine. Michael and Franklin must attend the premiere looking deeply confused. – ArtsyThugLife"
World: The Sims 4 (Willow Creek)
Objective: Engineer a scenario where Bella Goth has a scandalous affair with a male Sim you create. Get them caught publicly, resulting in a dramatic, weeping divorce from Mortimer, but only after they've made at least three Sim babies. Bonus points if the babies look suspiciously like your Sim.
Reward: 8,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "The scandal needs to rock the entire neighborhood! Mortimer should burst into flames from sheer emotional damage, then immediately get hit by a meteor. The babies must have your Sim's most distinctive feature, like a tiny nose. – ScandalousSimmer"
World: Doom Eternal (Hell)
Objective: Host an actual, in-person (for you, not the Slayer) stand-up comedy special inside Hell, directly targeting demons with observational humor about their hellish existence. Get at least one Imp to audibly chuckle. The Doom Slayer must accidentally stumble upon the show, react with utter confusion, but not interrupt.
Reward: 12,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Your jokes must be 'Dad joke' tier. Focus on relatable demonic struggles like constantly losing your horns or Hell tourism. The Doom Slayer's silence counts as appreciation. – HelluvaLaugh"
World: Stardew Valley (Pelican Town)
Objective: Manipulate every single marriageable villager in Pelican Town into simultaneously rejecting all romantic advances from the Player Character. Get them all to decide they're actually in love with each other, resulting in a series of extremely awkward, town-wide love triangles and unrequited crushes. Your farm must remain entirely irrelevant.
Reward: 7,500 Credits
Employer's Note: "I want Penny crying over Abigail, who's only got eyes for Emily, who's secretly pining for Haley, who's in denial about liking Leah. Pierre should be in the middle, complaining. – RomanceShattered"
World: Red Dead Redemption 2 (New Hanover)
Objective: Organize a massive, public talent show in Van Horn Trading Post, with Arthur Morgan forced to perform interpretive dance to country music. Ensure he takes it ridiculously seriously and genuinely attempts to be graceful. The townspeople must react with a mixture of confusion and stunned silence, not laughter.
Reward: 11,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "His grunts should be incorporated into the dance. Someone must bring him a tiny cowboy hat accessory for his performance. Micah Bell needs to accidentally ride past, stop, and stare. – YeehawDancer"
World: Elden Ring (Limgrave)
Objective: Place an anonymous love letter, written in excessively flowery language and signed only "Your Biggest Simp," into the hands of Malenia, Blade of Miquella. The letter must explicitly fantasize about 'her powerful thrusts' and 'your delicate form' and describe her Rotten Goddess transformation in surprisingly alluring terms. The aim is to see any discernible reaction from her. Even a fractional, imperceptible head tilt.
Reward: 13,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "The letter should mention her 'Scarlet Aegis' and how it makes her look 'glowing.' If you don't hear a whispered 'Miquella?' after delivery, you failed. – RottenGoddessFan"
World: Fallout 4 (The Commonwealth)
Objective: Convince Preston Garvey to temporarily abandon his incessant cries for help and instead, organize a community-wide knitting circle for all remaining settlers, solely focused on creating extremely detailed, miniature "Dogmeat" sweaters. He must passionately explain the therapeutic benefits of purl stitches in the apocalypse.
Reward: 9,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "No 'Another settlement needs your help' for at least an in-game week. Dogmeat needs to be modeling all the tiny sweaters, looking perpetually uncomfortable. – KnitPicker"
World: Mortal Kombat (Outworld)
Objective: Rig a non-lethal, charity "kissing booth" at the next major tournament, run by Johnny Cage. Every Kombatant, including the most fearsome (e.g., Shao Kahn, Scorpion, even Kronika), must awkwardly and visibly participate for a minimum of five seconds. Geras must reluctantly operate the cash register, his hands vibrating with existential dread.
Reward: 15,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "It's all for charity, even if it feels like pure humiliation. Scorpion's kiss must produce smoke. Kronika's should warp time for a fleeting second. Sub-Zero must look confused after his. – CharitySmooches"
World: Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Deserted Island)
Objective: Introduce an underground market of highly speculative "Stonk Turnips" to your island, making both Tom Nook and Isabella participate in extreme, cutthroat market speculation. Get Tom Nook to express open, raw avarice (more than usual) over a particularly good week's price, and Isabella to quietly invest her life savings into volatile stalk prices.
Reward: 6,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "I want Nook trying to do 'pump and dumps' with his prices. Isabelle should be biting her paw nervously checking turnip.exchange. Timmy and Tommy are secretly complicit. – NookishFinancier"
World: The Last of Us Part II (Seattle)
Objective: Convince Abby to start a local, post-apocalyptic Crossfit gym for the WLF, offering "gains over grit" sermons instead of violence. Joel (if resurrected or present as a flashback/ghost) must appear to her, giving a spectral thumbs-up to her fitness venture, approvingly commenting, "Now that's some heavy lifting, kiddo."
Reward: 14,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Her abs should be even more defined. Yara should be her first loyal customer, struggling with burpees. – CrossfitZombieSmasher"
World: Mass Effect (The Citadel)
Objective: Set up a live, highly explicit, holographic dating show called "Probe My Galaxy" hosted by an enthusiastically inappropriate Commander Shepard. Guests from across the galaxy (Turians, Asari, Krogan, Salarians, even a Volus in a suit) must describe their ideal mates and most embarrassing sexual experiences on air, leading to a surprisingly raunchy finale.
Reward: 16,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Joker should be running the soundboard, visibly trying to hold back laughter. The show must get heavily censored by Citadel authorities but still air. Liara T'Soni should awkwardly be one of the contestants. – HornyShepard"
World: Skyrim (Whiterun)
Objective: Stage a public intervention for Nazeem (the Jarl's assistant) regarding his obsession with the Cloud District. Every single NPC in Whiterun must gather, forming a circle around him, and take turns sharing personal anecdotes of how his condescending remarks have emotionally wounded them. He must visibly shrink, perhaps even tear up, with embarrassment.
Reward: 9,500 Credits
Employer's Note: "His condescending remarks about the Cloud District should trigger collective groans. Farengar must offer him therapy, in Daedric. Lydia should simply stare. – CloudDistrictIntervention"
World: Metal Gear Solid (Any location with Big Boss/Snake)
Objective: During a stealth mission, replace all of Solid Snake's highly detailed 'Mating Call' posters (used to distract female guards) with highly embarrassing, crudely drawn fan-art of Snake himself in compromising or goofy positions. Ensure at least two guards are successfully distracted, not by attraction, but by sheer, horrified confusion and silent giggling.
Reward: 10,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "One piece of art must depict him awkwardly holding a giant daisy. Another must be a cartoon of him dancing with his signature cardboard box. – ArtAttackStealth"
World: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Hyrule)
Objective: Convince Link to abandon his heroic quest and instead pursue a career as a high-fashion model specializing in avant-garde, asymmetrical runway looks using various in-game outfits (e.g., only one Gerudo earring, Rito feather cap on backward, Hylian Trousers with Sheikah Slate as a clutch). He must develop a distinct "pout" and demand better lighting for selfies.
Reward: 12,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "No talking, just expressive poses. Master Kohga needs to somehow get a photoshoot with him, trying to mimic his look poorly. Ganondorf should appear as a disappointed fashion critic. – RunwayHero"
World: Resident Evil (Anywhere with a classic Tyrant)
Objective: Arrange for a classic Tyrant (Mr. X/Nemesis) to experience a 'meet-cute' scenario with a random, heavily-scarred female survivor (you create her). This interaction, amidst a zombie horde, must be genuinely charming and awkwardly romantic, culminating in the Tyrant subtly blushing beneath his mutated skin. The pair must then walk off into the apocalypse holding hands.
Reward: 14,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "His 'G-type' roar should become a romantic growl. The survivor must compliment his muscles. A single zombie should drop its brain at their feet, as if officiating. – UndeadLoveStory"
World: Detroit: Become Human (Detroit)
Objective: Recruit Markus, leader of the Android revolution, to passionately advocate for android rights not through protest, but through establishing a hugely successful, android-run erotic dance club. Get him to defend this venture as "an essential part of android expression and liberation," providing 'sensory exploration' to consenting humans. Kara and Connor must both express profound bewilderment, perhaps with slight system errors.
Reward: 17,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "His dance routines should be both provocative and intellectually stimulating, a 'dance of liberation'. North needs to be the bouncer, looking utterly furious but loyal. – AndroidLibertines"
World: Genshin Impact (Teyvat)
Objective: Host an unsanctioned, "best Genshin husbando/waifu" body painting competition (swimsuit rules only, no privates). Get Zhongli (fully naked, but discreetly painted), Kaeya, and Diluc to compete. For the female category, Yae Miko, Raiden Shogun, and Shenhe. Lisa should be a gleeful judge, and Venti should try to enter multiple times.
Reward: 18,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "The paintings must relate to their element/powers. Paimon should narrate the whole thing with excessive squealing. One of the models must make an accidental suggestive pose that goes viral in Teyvat. – ElementalBodypaint"
World: Dark Souls III (Lothric Castle)
Objective: Initiate a secret 'therapy support group' for the perpetually suffering Firelink Shrine Handmaid. She must express her exhaustion with her eternal duties, her loneliness, and her fear of running out of purchaseable dung pies. Get Siegward of Catarina to accidentally wander in and provide deeply insightful, onion-flavored life advice.
Reward: 10,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Her first tear must unlock a hidden dialogue option where she sells you a truly amazing, secret item. Siegward needs to talk about his 'existential pickle.' – ShrineMaidTherapy"
World: League of Legends (Summoner's Rift)
Objective: Manipulate champion selection for a high-stakes Ranked match so that all champions on both teams are assigned specific, bizarre, real-world, adult-themed sexual fantasies as their 'playstyle' objectives. (e.g., Blitzcrank is assigned 'tentacle hentai,' Ahri is 'human x animal'). They must then attempt to play the match, only following these directives, resulting in bizarre in-game interactions and inevitable defeats.
Reward: 20,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "The champions must be verbally committed to their 'themes' during in-game chat. Jinx should be assigned 'chaotic evil kinky librarian.' Yasuo should be 'emotional dom, only communicates via haikus'. – NSFWLoL"
World: Baldur's Gate 3 (Faerûn)
Objective: Convince Shadowheart to admit that her 'trauma' and 'tragic backstory' are entirely fabricated for attention. Get her to reveal she's actually a perfectly normal, cheerful, well-adjusted Sharite who just enjoys being moody and dramatic. Bonus points if you get her to break character and genuinely laugh during a solemn ceremony.
Reward: 11,000 Credits
Employer's Note: "Astarion must react with sheer indignation at being upstaged in melodrama. Gale should look bewildered, trying to compute this new emotional data. – FakingShadowheart"