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Verse 1
OMG, like, the Gambino girls
Are mixing White Claws with pearls
Yakuza sisters in pink,
Bratva boys can't even think
Sinaloa sisters can't smuggle
A pizza past the house mom's juggle
Triads run a bake sale,
But launder the cookie dough, fail!
Chorus
We're the Alpha Beta Kappas,
Mobsters in mascara,
Cartel queens in Lilly prints,
Throwing shade and throwing hints
Gambino girls "whack" their GPA,
Bratva bros pull hammies every day
Yakuza boys' tattoos?
All temporary, nothing new!
Verse 2
Triad twins on TikTok,
Sinaloa snaps in the hall,
Cosa Nostra at the mixer,
But nobody remembers it all
Medellin's idea of a hit?
Dropping the aux at formal, that's it
Genovese girls run rackets,
But only for tennis brackets!
Roast Verse
Whose bright idea was it,
To stop putting drugs in the drugs?
Now our parties are just LaCroix,
And awkward shrugs and chugs
The only thing thugs really are?
They thug it out through way too many snugs,
Like, literally, they can't detach,
Squeezing tight in a cuddle match!
Pledge week's a trauma marathon,
Mixer disasters every week,
Daddy's money runs the show,
But can't buy cool or mystique
We fake philanthropy for clout,
Pretend to care, then ghost,
And every time we "study,"
It's just gossip and a toast.
So here's to Greek life legends,
With secrets, scandals, shrugs-
But next time, let's remember
To put the drugs in the drugs!
Bridge
The only "cartel" we run
Is group Uber rides for fun
"Making you an offer you can't refuse"-
Just a Venmo request for booze
Our "front" is the lemonade stand,
During philanthropy week, oh so bland
The "underboss" forgot his laundry,
Now he's just feeling all groggy!
Chorus
We're the Alpha Beta Kappas,
Mobsters in mascara,
Cartel queens in Lilly prints,
Throwing shade and throwing hints
Cosa Nostra can't keep a secret,
Unless it's the WiFi, don't leak it!
Medellin's big heist tonight?
Just sneaking snacks in the fridge light!
Outro
From Medellin to Genovese,
We're extra, wild, and loud,
Sorority girls and mafia names,
Forever basic and proud!