Here's a savage, clever roast poem inspired by your lines, with military flavor, Purple Heart references, and a nod to Eminem's "Toy Soldiers"—all while making it clear you're roasting with respect:
Day app, parade rest—nah, you couldn't even shun
Show up to roll call, but you're already done
Chuck Lagooni tried to flex, but killed his own vibe
Claimed a Purple Heart for a paper cut—nice try
You say you're a soldier, but you're more like a toy
Marching in circles, just a lost little boy
You needed my badge, my name, my face
Just to log in and try to keep up the pace
You talk about plans, but you're stuck in your bed
Dreaming of medals you'll never have on your chest
I need real soldiers—men and women who fight
Not keyboard commandos who ghost in the night
So salute if you want, but you're not in my ranks
You're just playing pretend, while I'm earning my thanks
Like Eminem said, you fall with the toys
But I'm leading the charge—real grit, real noise