## Chapter 271: Bread + Jam, Everyone Must Try It!
Returning to the Lar Family Home, only Lars was in the Great Hall. This guy was like a molting Old Dog that had been sun-baked for half a day, slumped limply across the Table, occasionally letting out a half-dead groan or two. Turning my Head, Aunt Lisa's Room Door was tightly shut. It seemed his efforts these past few days had been futile.
Seeing me enter, he glanced at me weakly from the Corner of his Eye, then closed his Eyes again, sighing constantly, his brows furrowed, looking more miserable than Yang Bailao.
I went straight to Sarah's Room, tucked her into the Quilt, and only then did I sit opposite Lars with a playful look, watching him with interest. I don't usually have many hobbies; I just enjoy watching people who are down on their luck.
"Go away, what are you looking at!" This old guy was in a bad Mood. Seeing me still grinning foolishly, he immediately got angry.
"Oh, Lord Lars, who claims 'there's nothing he needs to report to his Family', what could possibly be troubling you?" I said mockingly, adding insult to injury. Sure enough, a heavy thud came from Aunt Shali's Room.
"You little bastard, you're just like Doug, that son of a bitch, neither of you are any good!" Lars glared, wishing he could pounce and bite me. After a while, he slumped his Head back down sullenly. I wasn't in a hurry, pouring myself a cup of Tea. Ah, I'd been exhausted lately by the Old Drunkard and Old Man Cain. It was rare to be able to relax like this.
"I say, Young Wu, seeing how my Sarah can Get Along with Velas without issue, do you have some Secret Technique?" After a long time, Lars, who had been lying on the Table as if dead, suddenly seemed to think of something. His Eyes shone as he looked at me. He knew his Daughter's personality very well. Although she looked obedient and easy to handle, she was actually just like her mother – possessive to the core. This Young Wu could actually tame her so obediently. If he could teach him a thing or two, wouldn't the Matter with Shali be easily resolved?
"There's only one way," I said lightly, taking a sip of Tea. This guy really thought I was a Casanova. I was troubled by Feelings/Emotions myself right now.
"What Method?" Lars jumped up excitedly. Look at you, and you still have the nerve to say you're not Wife-Controlled. I gave him a look of contempt.
"It's very simple. Your Vision/Insight must be accurate. Before Marriage, you must thoroughly understand the other person's essence."
"Isn't that just Nonsense?" Lars, swinging from great joy to great sorrow, immediately threw the dirty rag on the Table at me, then slumped back onto the Table weakly, muttering, "Actually, before we got married, Shali was a very gentle and lovely girl. Who knew she'd turn into a Tigress? You can't blame my Vision/Insight for that..."
Sweat. Now it was my turn to break out in Cold Sweat. Sarah and Velas wouldn't turn out like that later, would they?
Just as the two of us fell into speechless silence, a thunderous Voice came from outside the Door.
"Big Brother, I'm here to crash for a meal! Damn it, I'm starving!" Throughout history, ancient and modern, there's probably only Doug who could crash for a meal so righteously.
Sure enough, the Great Hall Door opened. It was Doug and Gus. Both looked a bit dejected. Gus, needless to say, was dragged by Doug to do that embarrassing Movement. Anyone with a bit of face would feel like dying. As for Doug, well, he must have been severely punished. After all, there aren't many Parvenus like me.
"Yo, Doug, how much did the Tavern fine you?" I didn't hold back, ripping open the still-bleeding wound.
"Damn it, six Gold Coin! It was just a rotten Table! Those leeches!!" As expected, mentioning this immediately darkened Doug's already ugly Appearance.
"That's not much. I spent over twenty thousand Gold Coin back then," I sighed with emotion. Every time I recall it, my Heart feels like it's being cut by a knife. Over twenty thousand Gold Coin! Even if converted into Chipped Gem, that's a whole small bag of twenty!
Hearing me say this, Doug immediately found psychological balance and cheered up. Why are all the bastards around me people who build their happiness on the Pain of others?
"Big Sister-in-law, I'm hungry! Is there anything good to eat?" Doug looked around, saw Aunt Shali wasn't here, and shouted loudly.
"You guys go find Wu. He probably has something good to eat," Aunt Shali's indifferent Voice came from the Room.
Huh? Me? I was stunned. Could it be that Aunt Shali...
"Right, I almost forgot if Big Sister-in-law hadn't mentioned it. I heard you went to Lut Gholein and brought back a lot of good Item. You didn't forget our share, did you?" Doug immediately fixed his Gaze on me. Not just him, even Lars and Gus perked up. If Lut Gholein was compared to a metropolis, then Rogue Encampment was undoubtedly a poor village. The new Item from the city were very Attract to Lars and the other country bumpkins.
"Of course I wouldn't forget your share. Who told us we're Brother?" I immediately narrowed my Eyes. Since you three are actively seeking death, don't blame me for being ruthless.
"It's not going to be those Crippled Fiend carvings, or Andariel's Tentacle, is it?" Lars suddenly remembered the peculiar gifts he received from me last time and looked at me warily.
"No, no. This time it's something more practical. Just as Aunt Shali said, it's some very 'peculiar' Food." I smiled even wider. Aunt Lisa, your conscience is really bad, but I like it.
"Oh, oh! That's great! Damn it, I woke up and didn't even get to eat before those brats dragged me away!" Doug, who was already dizzy with hunger, got excited, clearly not noticing the "peculiar" I had specifically emphasized. And with his interruption, Lars and Gus seemed to have overlooked it too. Very good, your deaths are not in vain.
I smiled and took out three Bread from my Inventory. I had specifically searched many Stall in the Market to buy these. They were very "creative" Bread, full of peculiar meaning.
Don't believe me? Look at the one in my left hand first. At first glance, there's nothing special, just a regular sesame Bread with a few red Claws and a pair of pincers added. Only when you cut it horizontally in the middle can you see the baker's ingenuity – there's actually a Crab wrapped inside the Bread. This Crab is very complete; the shell hasn't even been removed. Look at its four pairs of intact Claws, its powerful pincers. Without a doubt, this is a very healthy large Crab. Most importantly, it's a live Crab that hasn't been processed, has no preservatives added, and is green and all-natural. When I first bought it, its Claws and pincers were still wriggling. The biggest selling point of this Bread is – when you put it on the ground, you'll be horrified to discover that this Bread can actually walk sideways! It truly combines eating and entertainment.
Now look at the one in my right hand. At first glance, there's nothing special, not even the most basic Claws or pincers. Only when you break this Bread in half can you discover the hidden depth within. That's right. This is a filled Bread, and not just any ordinary filling. It's made from a very precious glowing oval Fish found twenty thousand meters below the seabed of the Twin Seas. The filling inside is made from the Innards of this Fish – specifically, the part closest to the anus. It was completely hand-picked and made with great care. Without a doubt, this filling is also unprocessed natural Food. Please eat it with confidence.
The last Bread I placed on the Table was even more peculiar than the first two. When I first saw it, I thought it was a hot dog, but looking closely, I noticed some details were different – the two outer pieces of Bread were round and small, probably egg-shaped, and the hot dog in the middle, no. That wasn't a sausage. The baker told me this thing had a great history. It was taken from the Turtle Head of a Deep Sea Giant Turtle found fifty thousand meters below the seabed, which only surfaces once every fifty years to lay eggs. The job was only complete after inserting the Turtle Head, which had been cut off less than half an hour ago and was still flowing with Blood, into the center of the two spherical pieces of Bread. As expected, it was... cough cough, profoundly meaningful...
Looking at the three Bread placed on the Table, the three men exchanged glances. Even Doug, who looked like a starving ghost reincarnated, held back from immediately digging in.
"My dear Wu, can you tell me, can these Bread really be eaten?" Lars asked cautiously. Shali hadn't cooked at all these past few days, and he was starving.
"Of course," I said confidently. "Don't judge these Bread by their unremarkable Appearance. Let me tell you, the Ingredients inside are Seafood. Do you understand Seafood?"
"Oh, oh!!" Hearing the word Seafood, the three men couldn't help but tremble and exclaim in surprise, immediately gaining a bit more confidence in these three Bread. Seafood, for Rogue Encampment located in the Sea of Grass, was a precious Ingredient that couldn't be bought even with Money. Just adding these two words was like telling a poor child who had never stepped out of the mountains, "This is city stuff, it's really good," and Lars and the others couldn't help but believe it.
"But, it seems to Scent a bit strange," Gus, who was always cautious, pinched his nose and said, still feeling uneasy.
"That's the Scent of Seafood. It doesn't Scent great, but when you eat it, it's incredibly fragrant," I said with a straight face, laughing internally until I almost cramped up.
Scent? Of course there's a Scent. Do you think raw Seafood that's been sitting for over twenty days wouldn't have a Scent?
Another phrase, "city stuff," finally broke through the last line of defense in Lars and the others' Hearts. The three of them exchanged calculating glances. Lars and Doug on either side were the first to attack, grabbing the seemingly more normal Crab Bread and Fish Bread. The lagging Gus had no choice but to reluctantly choose the Turtle Bread. Honest people really get the short end of the stick.
I sighed for a while, watching them each bring the Bread to their Mouths, feeling sorry for them. So...
"Wait!!" I decisively stopped them. "This Bread is delicious, but don't you think something is missing?"
The three stopped, all looking like they were humbly seeking instruction.
"That's right, it's this! Jam!!!" I suddenly held up a bottle of golden yellow Jam high and said decisively.
"Oh, oh, this Jam is a golden yellow I've never seen before!" "Lut Gholein's Item are indeed extraordinary!" "Just looking at that glistening Color, I can tell the Scent must be great." The three surrounded the Jam, clicking their tongues in wonder and expressing their inner feelings.
"Bread without Jam is like a Fallen without a Small Knife, Andariel without Tentacle, Diablo who can't play with Fire Magic. They are completely unqualified Bread gourmets. Come on, no time to lose, I'll spread it for you." Saying this, I used a spoon to coat the inside and outside of the Bread with a layer. The Bread, shimmering with the Glow of Gold, was like the highest grade of Caviar; its luster alone was Mouth-watering.
"Then we won't be polite." Tempted by the Appearance, the three didn't care about the Jam all over their Hands. They just grabbed the Bread and took large bites. As for me, I had already walked out the Door, sighing. It wasn't that I didn't want to watch, but that I couldn't bear to.
"Ah~~~~!"
Today was a day that all Rogue Residents would find unforgettable, because on this day, the most piercing and Despair Screams in history echoed over the Camp!
When I opened the Great Hall Door again and walked inside, the entire Great Hall was a mess, like a murder scene. Three half-eaten Bread were scattered on the ground, still dripping with golden yellow Jam. Correspondingly, there were three "Corpse," no, you couldn't call them Corpse.
Doug, that Old Geezer (Slang), was lying on the ground, his Hands close to his Body, his whole Body arched backward and taut, constantly bouncing and twitching using his waist. His cheeks were opening and closing like a fresh large Fish that had accidentally jumped onto the shore and was struggling. Needless to say, I knew which Bread he had eaten.
Lars, that guy, was in a horse stance, his Hands like pincers, foaming at the Mouth, his Eyes rolling up and down. He was walking sideways. Heh heh, how was the Scent of the Crab Bread?
Poor Gus was lying on the ground motionless. Oh, my Heaven, could it be that he had bravely sacrificed himself? The world had lost another honest person. But looking closer, I found that this guy was practicing the Turtle Breathing Technique.
It wasn't until the Evening that these three poor guys regained consciousness. Naturally, I couldn't escape being lectured by them. Caught by the three of them together, my Mouth was gagged, and I was tied upside down to a Tree for the entire night. Actually, the culprit wasn't me, it was Aunt Shali! I just added fuel to the Fire. Looking at the Warmth of the Firelight inside the house, and the faint sounds of large gulps and chewing, I only felt that the Wind was colder tonight, and my Stomach was hungrier.
Afterward, Aunt Shali and Lars's cold war finally came to an end. This fully proved that Aunt Shali was indeed deliberately venting her anger at the time. However, how should such a Matter be explained? Who told me I was the one laughing the hardest at the time?