Chapter 269: Doug the King of Boasting
"Speaking of after the End War, God, the creator of Gods and Demons, was heartbroken by this meaningless war between his children. He eventually became disheartened and transformed his Body into the Diablo 3 World, creating countless living beings, including us Humans..."
"Nonsense!!"
"Talking nonsense!!"
"Get to the point!!"
"..."
The audience protested against Doug's nonsensical Divine Skill. If they really let him start from the End War, it would definitely take him more than a month to even get to the birth of Doug's Grandpa's Grandpa.
"Tch! You impatient little brats." Doug smacked his lips unwillingly, but ultimately decided it was hard to offend the masses. To be honest, he really wanted to talk for a year or two. The hard Trial of the past few months, coupled with the Pressure he faced when confronting Andariel, made the boasts in his belly feel like they had found an outlet after months of constipation – they just had to be released.
"Alright, let's start with the formation of Harrogath. It'll also open your eyes, you little brats, and let you understand the unique Geographical Advantage of our Hometown, so you don't get treated like bumpkins when you go to Harrogath..."
"Tch, you think we need you to tell us that?..." There were more boos, especially from the Barbarians. A large portion of them came from Harrogath, so they didn't need Doug to add unnecessary details.
"Fine, let's start with the rise of our great Barbarian Tribe, and let you brats experience the magnificent History of the Barbarians." Doug was angry. These ungrateful little brats kept blocking the shit he was about to pull out back inside.
"We don't need..." Everyone was unhappy. A few Adventurers who knew Doug better made to leave. They knew this guy had a strong desire to perform, and one audience member leaving felt like cutting off a piece of his Meat.
"Alright, alright, everyone sit down. We'll start from the third level of the crypt. Damn it, you little brats will regret shedding tears later for not listening to a word from me, Grandpa Doug." Doug said through gritted teeth, feeling as if the heavy Feeling in his anus had all flowed back, turning into a burden all over his Body. That Feeling was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable.
"First, let me tell you about the Ratmen. As everyone knows, these little guys are less than half a meter in Height and are incredibly slippery. They run around all day with a Cleaver or a Spear, and some even use Blowdarts. They are extremely Danger." Doug said with a gloomy Face. The other Adventurers also nodded in agreement, feeling the same way. Whether they had truly experienced the Ratmen's prowess or not, they all knew these little things were not to be trifled with. At least a quarter of the Adventurers who fell on the third level of the crypt were because they were defeated by them.
"But do you know how this Grandpa dealt with them? You don't, right? Let me tell you, when I found the Ratmen, this Grandpa just stood there, letting their Spears and Cleavers Hack at my Body. Then, with a 'Hah!' I exerted Strength and clamped their Weapons in my Muscle, so no matter how the Ratmen pulled, they couldn't get them out. After clamping all their Weapons, this Grandpa lightly pushed with one Large Hand and shook them away. Ratmen without Weapons are just like playing around." Doug shook his Head, almost pointing his nostrils towards the sky.
"Boss Doug, what if they Thrust their Spears into your butt, can you still clamp them?" A Barbarian with a cheerful Face asked with a smile, immediately causing the entire Great Hall of Adventurers to burst into laughter. The men were amused, and the women were shy.
Doug glared fiercely at the little Barbarian, ignored his words, and continued, "One time, an Elite Ratman was unconvinced and wanted to duel me. This guy was really cunning; he tried to stab my Eyes. Guess what happened? Dodge? Wrong!! This Grandpa just blinked his eyelid and clamped its Spear tip, making it unable to move. Hahahaha—" Doug's arrogant laughter echoed over the Rogue Encampment, even scaring the fiercest Wild Dogs nearby into tucking their tails and shrinking back.
"However, only this Grandpa can do this. You little brats must not try to imitate me." Stopping his laughter, Doug wiped the saliva from the Corner of his mouth and said worriedly.
"Oh, oh!" Everyone responded in unison. Anyone who actually believed the King of Boasting Doug's words definitely had a problem with their Brain and would not be wronged if they died.
Next, it was the turn of the unlucky The Banished. These Corpse Fire Mages had once chased Lars and his two companions on the third level, leaving them no way up or down. But in Doug's mouth, it was different.
"These drying racks, they're always restlessly running around setting off Fireworks and often Swindling Ratmen and Dark Ones, severely disrupting the friendly and harmonious social order of the third level of the crypt. This Grandpa was so angry at the time, so I beat every single one I met. Finally, I taught all the drying racks a lesson. Don't believe me? Go check the third level yourself. Aren't the noses of those drying racks big and red? Let me tell you, that's from me, Doug, hitting them."
"Boo! Boo!" Everyone booed in unison. Who didn't know that The Banished originally had big, red noses? This was their second famous characteristic, just as well-known as their dry, firewood-like Bodies.
"From then on, these drying racks were more obedient than sons, understand? One time, I finished washing my Clothes and had nowhere to hang them, so I pulled a drying rack nearby. It didn't even dare to fart. It automatically lay horizontally on the Wall for me to hang my Clothes on until they dried before sneaking away." Ignoring everyone's Boo/Jeer, Doug continued to boast, causing another round of laughter from the crowd.
After boasting on the third level for nearly an hour, Doug finally brought the topic to the fourth level, still not having had enough. At this point, the Adventurers gradually stopped smiling, their Faces becoming serious. Andariel was a fearsome character in the Rogue Encampment, someone people spoke of with fear. How many powerful Adventurer Teams had fallen at her feet due to a moment of carelessness? The huge Throne made of Adventurers' Skeletons, and the ground behind the Throne piled high with mountains of corpses, were the best proof.
Only Doug, this Old Geezer (Slang), not to mention talking about Andariel, could stand Face to Face with her without changing his expression. He was truly an Other Species. He continued to speak with spittle flying.
"This Andariel is truly worthy of being one of the Four Great Demon Kings. Her Strength/Power is only slightly inferior to me, Grandpa Doug. Seeing the three of us burst in, she let out a Roar and unleashed a Poison Nova. The dark green Poison Gas, thick and heavy like locusts, rushed towards us. Seeing the situation was bad, although I wasn't afraid of the Poison Gas myself, I unfortunately had two Supporting Teammates behind me. At this critical moment, a flash of inspiration struck this Grandpa. I took a deep breath and forcefully exhaled, blowing the sky-filled Poison Gas away like smoke, finally allowing my Supporting Teammates to overcome this Crisis. Seeing that I was stronger than her, Andariel didn't even care about her Face and brought a group of subordinates, wanting to overwhelm us with numbers. Seeing this, I quickly told the other two to deal with the minor characters, while I charged forward head-on and fought Andariel in a life-and-death Battle..."
"Don't say that, Boss Doug's Effort at Boasting is impressive. It's really possible he could blow away a Poison Nova with one breath." It was the little Barbarian who spoke again. Everyone else also nodded in agreement, feeling that Doug's previous segment was indeed the most likely to be Fact. Of course, the possibility was still less than one in ten thousand.
"You stinky brat!!" Doug cursed with a laugh and threw the empty Cup over, which the quick-witted little Barbarian dodged. Everyone was amused, while the Waiter silently added this to the bill.
Talking like this, it was nothing more than the version where countless Adventurers defeated Andariel before. But who was Doug? How could he let this 'magnificent' Battle end in such a cliché way? Of course, when he said he had attacked her rear Andariel for the ninety-ninth time and her Life was less than one-tenth remaining, Doug's Face sank.
"Just when we thought Victory was imminent, the entire Great Hall suddenly shook. Andariel, who I had beaten down onto the ground, suddenly burst out with a green light from her Body. Her Wound rapidly healed, and she let out a 'hissing' sinister laughter..."
Speaking up to this point, even though they knew Doug was talking nonsense, everyone couldn't help but crane their necks, staring eagerly at Doug. They saw the Old Geezer (Slang) suddenly widen his Eyes, adopting a Saiyan burst posture.
"The Great Hall shook more and more violently, with rolling rocks and dust filling the sky. Just then, that Andariel suddenly stood up from the ground, erupting with an overwhelming Presence. She stared directly at me and said, 'You are indeed a worthy Expert. I must admit I am not your Opponent/Rival. But, hmph hmph... I haven't had a chance to use this move since I created it. You have the Qualification...'
After speaking, Andariel suddenly glared with angry Eyes and waved her Large Hand. Countless dark green Gas gathered in her hand, accumulating more and more, almost solidifying..." Doug said, gesticulating wildly, licking his dry lips.