The funeral took place four days later...
The sky was overcast that morning, as if the heavens themselves were in mourning.
Kana's funeral was quiet, somber, and painfully intimate. It took place in the Yukimura cemetery just outside of the town, the kind of place where silence wrapped around the trees like fog and even the wind seemed hesitant to disturb the stillness.
An open casket rested at the center beneath a white canopy. Inside it, Kana looked peaceful as if she had merely fallen into a deep sleep she'd eventually wake from. Her hair was brushed neatly to the side, her lips softened into the faintest smile, and the necklace John had wanted to give her on her birthday rested against her chest. A single sunflower was tucked beneath her folded hands.
John sat near the front, completely silent. In his hands were Kana's journal, the pages still stained faintly with her blood and her phone, which he hadn't unlocked since he'd called Liam and Rose. His face was expressionless, but his fingers trembled ever so slightly around the edges of the journal.
Misa sat beside him mumbling words only her could understand as her hands trembled at every given turn.
Liam and Rose had come in just a few hours ago. Rose was a mess from the moment she arrived. She hadn't stopped crying since she stepped into the funeral home, and her face was still red and puffy from it.
Liam, on the other hand, was quiet. Like something inside of him had simply shut down the moment he heard the news.
Dr. Kennedy stood beside Jane and her mother. All three looked like they were still in shock, their eyes heavy and distant. Jane clutched a small tissue in her hand, barely saying a word.
John had taken it upon himself to invite Ivan and Ms. Marie as well. Ivan wore a black button-down shirt and kept his hands folded in front of him respectfully. Ms. Marie clung to a rosary and silently mouthed a prayer throughout the ceremony.
Finally, the pastor came.
A few prayers and words were said and after all that, the time came to lower Kana into the ground.
The hard part finally came.
As the casket began its descent, Misa broke down completely. She ran toward the grave and dropped to her knees, as her voice cracked through her sobs.
Misa: No! No, please, Kana! Please wake up! Don't go! Don't leave me! I only just got you back!!
Jane rushed to her and held her tightly, trying to calm her, but the sound of Misa's grief filled the cemetery like thunder. Even Jane's mother wept at the scene, clutching her handkerchief to her mouth.
The sight was unbearable raw, unfiltered pain.
John turned away for a moment. He clenched his fists tightly around Kana's journal, fighting the wave of emotion building in his chest as Kana's body was finally put into the ground and buried.
*****
An hour after Kana had been buried, Misa, Rose and Liam sat under one of the trees in the cemetery grave yard and just reflected on what had just happened while John sat in front of Kana's tombstone holding her journal and phone in his hands.
Dr Kennedy had given them to him a few hours after Kana had died and told him to keep it because that's what she would have wanted.
A framed photo of Kana was placed on the tombstone and everytime John looked at it, it reminded him that she was truly gone. And she wasn't coming back.
As he sat there quietly to himself, Ivan came and stood beside him.
Ivan: Hey man. Thanks for inviting me.
John: Sure... I know I promised to introduce you to Kana one day but I didn't want it to be like this.
Ivan sighed as he didn't quite know how he wanted to respond to that. Then he decided to ask a different question.
Ivan: So this is where you've been staying for the past four days?
John: Yeah... I ran away from home coz I couldn't stand staying with my mom anymore so I've been staying with Dr Kennedy who said I could stay for as long as I wanted.
Ivan: Any chance you're going back to Aozora?
John looked at Kana's tombstone and then sighed.
John: No... We're basically already done with school since we finished our finals. Once the results are in, I'll go to university here.
Ivan looked up at the sky and thought for a while before he spoke again.
Ivan: Then I guess I'll go to university here too.
Ivan stayed with John until he finally stood up ready to leave after everyone else had left but then as he looked up, he saw Rachel standing a few feet away from him. John instinctively turned to Ivan who decided to let the cat out of the bag.
Ivan: I'm sorry but she made me tell her what happened and she's been meaning to speak to you for like forever.
John gave him a look that showed that he was still a bit annoyed by him letting Rachel come here.
Ivan: Look man, I'm not saying you should talk to her because of that. That decision is left to you because I basically told her the same thing but she kept on pestering me.
John sighed and then continued walking towards Rachel and when he was a few feet away from her, he stopped. Rachel on the other hand, couldn't even look him in the eye and keep looking down.
John took one look at her and was instantly irritated.
John: What are you doing here? You're not welcome here.
Rachel: I... I know I'm the last person you want to see right now... but... I really wanted say in sorry for your loss and.... I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what I did.
It was at this point that Rachel looked up at John's face and what she saw caught her off guard really fast and somewhat scared her when she saw the look of absolute disgust written on John's face.
Rachel: Don't.... Don't look at me like that.
John scuffed.
John: How else am I supposed to look at you?
Rachel's lip quivered.
Rachel: I didn't mean....
John: No... Don't give me that. What did you think was going to happen after you came here? That I would just forgive you just like that? Forget everything you did to her?
John paused to stop himself from raising his voice despite the urge growing from within him.
John: Because of you... We spent our last physical moment together arguing...
Rachel opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out.
John: You don't get to cry now. You don't get to say sorry and expect that to mean something. Kana's dead. Just like you wanted right? With her out of the way you can finally have me right?
Rachel looked like she'd been slapped. Her eyes welled up with tears, but John didn't flinch.
John: You want forgiveness? I'm not the one you should be asking.... (he gestured toward Kana's grave behind him) But she's not here anymore, is she?
Rachel at this point began to let the tears she had been holding up fall freely down her cheeks.
Rachel: I never wanted this, John… I just wanted you to see me as more than a friend...
John: That's the problem...
Rachel looked like she was about to say something else, but John raised his hand to stop her.
John: I don't hate you, Rachel... (pauses) but if I spent one more second talking to you... I might start to.
And with that, John walked past her and left as she felt to her knees and cried her eyes out while Ivan who had been watching from afar off, went to console her.
******
As John walked toward the cemetery gate, the sky still hung heavy with gray clouds, the air thick with quiet grief. He didn't notice anyone until he got closer and there stood Ms. Marie, waiting just beyond the iron gate, hands folded, her expression soft but somber.
Ms. Marie: Are you really okay leaving things with Rachel like that?
John stopped walking and looked down at the ground for a second, exhaling sharply through his nose.
John: It's the only way I could stop myself from doing something stupid.
Ms. Marie nodded slowly, not pressing him further. After a moment of silence, her voice softened even more.
Ms. Marie: I'm really sorry for your loss, John. Kana… from the way you spoke about her, she seemed to be a beautiful soul.
John nodded faintly.
John: It's fine.
His voice was flat, but not dismissive, just tired.
Then he glanced up at her and tried to offer something that resembled a smile, even if it didn't quite reach his eyes.
John: I'm glad you came. I needed someone… someone motherly, I guess. After I ran away from home, it felt like I had no one. So… thank you.
Ms. Marie's eyes shimmered slightly.
Ms Marie: John… I would do anything for you. You know that.
John gave a small nod, then looked away for a moment, steeling himself.
John: Also, I wanted to tell you sooner but... I'm not going back to Aozora City.
Ms Marie was shocked by this.
Ms Marie: What?
John: School's done, and with that, I've finally got the freedom I always wanted. I'm sorry… but I won't be able to help out at the supermarket anymore.
That hit her harder than she expected. Her lips trembled slightly, and she looked down, blinking away tears.
Ms Marie: Is that so?
But before they could fall, John spoke again.
John: Thank you… for being the mother I never had.
Ms. Marie didn't try to hide her tears this time. She stepped forward and pulled John into a tight hug, her arms trembling.
After a long moment, she pulled back and wiped at her face with her sleeve, smiling through the sadness.
Ms Marie: Don't forget to call once in a while, okay? Don't go and forget about me?
John: (chuckles) I won't.
After she let him go from her embrace, she noticed the distant and sad look on John's face.
Ms. Marie: But... are you going to be okay, kiddo?
John hesitated. He looked out toward the cemetery, the stillness behind him, then down at Kana's phone and journal still in his hands.
John: I don't know.