Parenting: The Ultimate Contradiction
We tell our kids, "Love is beautiful, the most important thing!"
Then lock their hearts away, hide the keys, clip their wings.
"Don't date 'til you're married!"—how are they to learn
When freedom's a fire and caution will burn?
We say, "Be kind to everyone!" then whisper, "Trust no one,
Watch your back, be a shark, life's not all fun."
Each lesson a puzzle, a Rubik's Cube twist,
Every color a warning, every side a mixed list.
We bleep out the f-words, pretend they don't know,
But kids speak in code, let the real language flow.
Teach them the context—when to curse, when to smile,
"Have a great fing day!"—make the struggle worthwhile.
We beg them, "Be honest!" then punish mistakes,
Turn confessions to crime scenes, raise the stakes.
So they learn to keep secrets, to hide and to cope,
While we pray for amnesty and cling to false hope.
Sometimes, I like them better when we're both a bit high,
Conversations turn mellow, no need to ask why.
But if you want grown-up choices, take grown-up care,
Try your best, own your mess, I'll always be there.
My son learned of love from the bruises I bore,
Yet he knows how to love, and that's what I'm for.
Virginity's a gift, give it wisely, I said,
And if he messes up, I'll smack sense in his head.
To the Harper Valley judges, perched high on their thrones,
Casting stones at parents, ignoring their own.
Skip the PTA, start an ETA, teach real life's test,
No one's perfect—just try your best.
They break you, then ask why you crawl in the dirt,
Pull the rug, then wonder why you're hurt.
But heaven's not for the flawless, the unbroken, the few—
It's for those who keep loving, despite what they've been through.
So plant that stick of judgment, let something good grow,
Remember: love matters more than the show.
It's easy to judge from the bleachers, so neat,
But it takes guts to parent—boots on the street.
Welcome to Harper Valley, where we raise kids, not fakes,
Where love trumps judgment, and we learn from mistakes.