Kaito stands with his arms crossed, watching as Lars, the so-called hero, struggles to lift a sword that's clearly too big for him. The blade is comically oversized, and Lars is flailing around like a toddler wielding a metal plank.
Kaito's Internal MonologueI swear, if I have to watch this guy try to lift that sword one more time, I'm going to start charging him for my emotional support.
Lars swings the sword wildly and nearly falls over, tripping on his own foot.
Kaito (groaning)"I thought a guide was supposed to help people make decisions, not stop them from impaling themselves on their own weapon. This guy's about one swing away from being a walking disaster."
Lars finally stands up straight, pausing dramatically. With a loud grunt, he flexes and strikes a pose so exaggerated it looks like he's auditioning for a muscle magazine.
Lars (proudly)"Check it out, Kaito! These guns are ready for action!"
He flexes harder, as if the sheer size of his muscles is all the proof he needs to be declared a hero.
Kaito's ObservationLars' brain seems to only function when it's about lifting or smashing things. I'm half convinced he thinks 'strategy' is just picking the right gym routine.
Kaito (under his breath)"Yeah, great, but can you pick up the basics of this world before you pick up anything heavier than a dumbbell?"
Kaito stands a few feet away, trying to calmly explain the fundamentals of the world. Unfortunately, Lars only seems to tune in when the topic of lifting weights or smashing things comes up.
Kaito (sighing)"Alright, Lars. First off, you'll need to understand the magic system here—"
Lars (interrupting, confidently)"Magic? Dude, I'm all about the physical stuff. Like... if I flex my muscles hard enough, do you think I can cast a spell?"
Kaito (rubbing his temples)"No, Lars. You can't flex your way out of this one."
Lars (enthusiastically)"Alright, alright, but hear me out. What if, instead of magic, I just lift my way through every dungeon?"
Kaito (deadpan)"What's next? Does he think 'strategic thinking' is just picking the right gym routine?"
Lars, looking proud of his 'plan,' nods to himself.
Lars, after a few minutes of "thinking," announces his plan for dealing with enemies.
Lars (grinning)"Okay, Kaito, check this out. What if we just hit the monsters really hard until they stop moving? Like... no tactics, no plans, just straight-up muscle!"
Kaito blinks, taken aback by the simplicity—and stupidity—of the suggestion.
Kaito (fighting back a sarcastic laugh)"Wow, genius. Why didn't I think of that? Just... hit them really hard. Why even bother with a strategy or thinking ahead, right?"
Lars (nodding seriously)"Exactly! Thinking too much just makes you soft. Trust me, I've been lifting for years. It's all about the power."
Kaito (facepalming)"I can't tell if he's a hero or just a walking set of protein supplements with legs."
Kaito, despite his best efforts, is starting to feel the pressure. He tries to keep his composure, but he can feel the tension building up inside him. Lars, on the other hand, is still enthusiastically talking about his "training regimen."
Kaito's Inner MonologueI'm starting to understand why NPCs get stuck in an infinite loop of dialogue. No one ever wants to talk to Lars for more than five minutes. I'd be begging for a "skip tutorial" option at this point.
Lars, completely oblivious to Kaito's growing frustration, slaps him on the back—hard enough to send him stumbling forward.
Lars (grinning)"Don't worry, Kaito! I'll totally get the hang of this! Just need a little more training! Maybe a few more protein shakes to really get the brain muscles working!"
Kaito (gritting his teeth)"Right, because 'strategizing' is something you can bench press."
Kaito, barely holding onto his patience, takes a deep breath and tries to remind himself why he's here.
Kaito (muttering to himself)"Just remember, Kaito... You're stuck with him. You signed up for this. You have no escape. At least for now."
Lars claps Kaito on the back again, this time harder, causing him to stumble into a nearby tree.
Lars (cheerfully)"You'll see! I'm gonna be the best hero ever! Just wait!"
Kaito, now rubbing his aching back, looks up at the sky.
Kaito (resigned)"Right. Best hero ever... and I'm stuck with him. Wonderful."
The forest is peaceful—too peaceful. The air is still, the trees are quiet, and then…
Lars (pointing ahead, excited)"Alright, Kaito, here we go! First monster! Let's see what we're up against!"
Kaito squints ahead, expecting something like a goblin, maybe a giant spider... but no. It's a tiny, harmless creature about the size of a rabbit, with big eyes and little fluffy ears. It hops around, seemingly unaware of the looming threat that is Lars and his oversized sword.
Kaito (dryly)"Yeah... that's a monster, alright."
Lars, however, is undeterred. He charges forward with a battle cry, swinging the sword like it's a lawnmower.
Lars (shouting)"Time to test my strength!"
The tiny creature effortlessly hops to the side, dodging Lars' swing. It looks back, unimpressed, before darting away at top speed, disappearing into the bushes.
Kaito (exasperated)"Well, that went well."
Lars (shrugging, clearly unbothered)"Eh, it was too weak. Not worth my time."
Kaito stares at him, blinking in disbelief.
Kaito (groaning internally)"This is going to be a nightmare, isn't it?"
Lars, still full of energy and excitement, turns to Kaito, all pumped up.
Lars (flexing dramatically)"Alright, here's the deal, Kaito. I'm gonna be the strongest man in the world. That's my goal. To be number one, the best! The strongest! I'll help the weak... but only if they need help lifting stuff or fighting real monsters, you know?"
Kaito (raising an eyebrow)"Wait, so you're not actually interested in helping people unless it's about strength? What happened to saving the world and all that?"
Lars (grinning, oblivious)"Exactly! Save the world, sure. But first, I need to make sure I'm strong enough to do it! Gotta build up the muscles. Gotta look the part! I'm gonna be a legend!"
Kaito watches Lars flex again, his arms looking like they could burst through his sleeves. It's a solid effort, but it's all show with no substance.
Kaito's ObservationLars is more concerned about his image than actually being a hero. He's got the classic hero complex, but it's all muscles and no brain.
Kaito (deadpan, to himself)"Lars is like if a tank and a toddler had a baby and called it 'The Strongest Hero.'"
As the sun begins to set, Kaito finds himself staring out into the distance, lost in thought. Lars is busy flexing and grinning at his reflection in a nearby pond. The day has been... an experience.
Kaito's MonologueWell, this is my life now. I'm stuck guiding a muscle-headed meathead through a world that makes no sense, with no idea how this is supposed to end. Lars is nothing like the heroes I imagined. But here I am, chained to this chaos.
Lars suddenly strikes a pose in front of Kaito, oblivious to his inner turmoil.
Lars (enthusiastically)"Ready for the next challenge, Kaito? I'm gonna crush it! We're gonna smash this adventure!"
Kaito (exhausted, deadpan)"Well, at least I'll never be bored. It's just going to be a constant stream of chaos and me trying not to set things on fire by accident."
He watches as Lars tries to lift a rock, flexing his muscles at it as if it might suddenly transform into a powerful enemy. Kaito sighs.
Kaito (to himself)I can't believe I'm getting paid in existential dread.
Lars (still flexing)"Next stop: WORLD DOMINATION! Or, uh, you know... just a couple of dungeons. Either way, let's go!"
Kaito shakes his head, resigned to the fact that his life just got a lot more complicated.
Kaito (muttering)"Yep, this is going to be a long ride."