Kaito's eyes snap open. The sky above him is... not the sky he's used to. It's vibrant, almost neon, with swirling colors that seem more suited to a children's cartoon than reality. His hands instinctively reach up to rub his head, which feels like it's been hit with a sledgehammer.
Kaito's MonologueOkay, this is new. I've had some crazy dreams before, but this? This is a new level. Seriously, who needs this much saturation?
He sits up, scanning the surroundings. Bright, colorful trees. Whimsical creatures hopping around like something out of a bizarre fever dream. NPCs—who look like they're running around in a panic—mumble about something called "Respawnia."
Kaito (confused)"Did I hit my head too hard at work? Did I pass out from stress and end up in some weird new game?"
Suddenly, a loud, robotic voice booms from above.
Voice"Subscription confirmed. Welcome to Respawnia, Guide NPC Kaito! You are now an official Guide to the Hero. Enjoy your stay."
KaitoWait, what?
Kaito (shouting)"What?! I didn't sign up for this! No takebacks!"
Voice"Subscription complete. No free trials. No refunds."
Kaito stares at the sky in disbelief, a bead of sweat running down his temple. His eyes dart around, trying to find someone—or something—that makes sense of all this.
Kaito (panicking)"I didn't even get a free trial?! This is some kind of scam, right?!"
Kaito stumbles to his feet and looks around, only for a glowing pop-up window to appear in front of him. He stares at the tiny text for a second, then sighs.
Kaito (reading aloud)"Guide NPC... assist hero... blah blah blah... Guide NPC Kaito will support the Hero in all manner of adventures within Respawnia."
Kaito (snapping)"I didn't choose this! I was just scrolling through life, man! I was on level 27 of 'Scrolling Simulator' when this happened!"
Another pop-up appears, this one with a smiling face and an obnoxiously happy voice.
Voice"Congratulations on your new role as the official guide for the hero! Your responsibilities are simple: help the hero complete their quest! No pressure, right?"
Kaito (deadpan)"No pressure? Sure, I'm just stuck in an endless cycle of tutorial hell with some idiot who can barely read the map. But hey, no pressure."
He glares at the sky, wishing for a fast-forward button.
Kaito (grumbling)"This is like getting roped into a Zoom meeting where you're the one who has to explain everything, but you're not even allowed to mute anyone."
Kaito stares as a shimmering portal bursts open nearby, and out stumbles... the "hero."
The hero is definitely trying too hard to look the part—dressed in a mismatched, oversized suit of armor, clutching a sword that's clearly too big for them. They look around in utter confusion.
Kaito (observing)"Are you... serious? This is the hero? They look like they just Googled 'How to cosplay a warrior.'"
The hero finally looks up, noticing Kaito. They fumble with the sword, almost hitting themselves in the process.
Hero (with total confusion)"So... are you like, my sidekick or something?"
Kaito's eye twitches. Sidekick?
Kaito (deadpan, to himself)"I don't get paid enough for this."
Kaito forces a smile and steps forward, trying to remain calm despite everything screaming inside him to just... nope out of here.
Kaito (forced cheerfulness)"Uh, hey there! I'm Kaito, your Guide NPC. Welcome to Respawnia. I'm here to help you, well, not die."
The hero stares blankly at him, still clutching the sword like it's an alien artifact.
Hero (nodding slowly)"Okay, cool... but like, what's a guide?"
Kaito's face falls. What did I get myself into?
Kaito (to himself, exasperated)"It's like being assigned to babysit a dog that doesn't even know how to bark."
Kaito (forcing a smile)"I'm here to teach you the ropes, show you the land, and—hopefully—keep you alive long enough to not mess up too badly."
Before Kaito can say more, another pop-up interrupts, filling the air with its holographic display.
Voice"Reminder: Guide NPC Kaito is required to stay with Hero until they succeed or until your contract expires. Failure to comply will result in severe consequences."
Kaito (groaning)"Wait, so I'm stuck with this for... who knows how long? What does 'success' even mean? What if they just wander into a bakery and call it a dungeon?!"
As if on cue, the hero looks over at him and asks, completely oblivious:
Hero (confused)"So... uh, where's the nearest dungeon?"
Kaito (facepalming)"Of course..."
But instead of a dungeon, the hero stumbles toward a nearby grocery store, completely off-track. Kaito stares, horrified.
Kaito (sighing deeply)"Well, this is it. I've officially entered the never-ending tutorial phase of my life. The 'skip tutorial' option doesn't exist here."
Kaito watches helplessly as the hero pokes around the grocery store like they're searching for a hidden treasure chest.
Kaito (to himself, dead inside)"I wanted to be a normal person. I wanted to be mediocre! Is that so much to ask?"
The hero picks up a box of cereal and examines it like it's a mysterious artifact.
Hero (nodding seriously)"This must be a health potion."
Kaito, who has clearly seen enough, closes his eyes and exhales, trying to stay calm.
Kaito (under his breath)"Well, at least I don't have to deal with customer support... yet."