Yoo Sangah was the only one who saw him off when he finally left Minosoft.
Kim Dokja, thankfully, didn't have to worry about being penniless because he had already found a part-time job at a cafe. He would work there and other places temporarily until he found another full-time job.
October was cold that year.
Just as he met with his friends around twice every month, he met Yoo Joonghyuk too. Uriel would be there with them occasionally.
They had moved from going to bars and restaurants and karaoke places to meeting directly in Yoo Joonghyuk's penthouse. That man had bought a karaoke machine and sometimes, if she was feeling good, Uriel would join them.
Kim Dokja didn't really know what he was doing with his life. It had become a sort of aimless, jumbled-up mess.
The heater in his apartment stopped working. He called his landlady very reluctantly and got yelled at, asking him to fix it himself or go somewhere else if he wanted to do that. He was given some bullshit excuse about the budget being tight and how the maintenance had already been done a couple of months ago and that if something had happened, it was probably his fault, so he should get it fixed.
Kim Dokja decided to put on a sweater and use both his blankets at once. It wasn't all that cold yet.
Yoo Sangah and Han Sooyoung started dating in November.
Kim Dokja came down with a little fever.
The two events were completely unrelated, by the way. It was just funny how the day those two decided to get together, Kim Dokja was feeling way too hot, but shivering at the same time.
He recovered soon enough. Some PNR meds, a good night's sleep and he was ready to conquer a new day. He really didn't want to though.
His commute had changed. He still had to take the subway sometimes, but only sometimes. Most of his workplaces were closer now. Sometimes he would walk, other times he would take the bus.
Was he a bitter person? Kim Dokja didn't think he was. He could be a little petty at times, but he didn't hold lifelong grudges. Holding grudges was a privilege in a way, wasn't it? It meant that the person had so much time and mental effort to spend on hating somebody.
His clothes were drying much, much slower now. It was a good thing he had invested in a portable steam iron. It helped out a ton.
His mother's death anniversary was coming up. He would have to visit the columbarium and pay his respects. It was awkward standing in front of her urn too, just as awkward it used to be when she was alive.
It was probably his fault. He couldn't be sure, he couldn't pinpoint exactly what had been whose fault, but if he rounded it all up, he would say it was his fault for not trying to reach out to his mother.
Of course, he was just a child and he was going through a traumatic incident. But his mother was suffering too. And if he had just acted like a child his age was supposed to, things might have been better between them.
He had to clean his kitchen. He didn't know what he would do if Han Sooyoung or Yoo Joonghyuk entered his apartment. He had been doing his best to not let them know about it. He went to visit them instead.
It didn't feel very good. Seeing his friends, who were in a much better place than he was trying to help him. They all had been at this spot sometime in the past. Yoo Joonghyuk had run away from his family and had a sister to take care of, Han Sooyoung had been essentially abandoned by her parents and was trying to make it out on her own.
They were all in the same spot when they started college. And then things changed, everyone did exceptionally well. It was the resolution, they were getting their refund for all the suffering they had to go through. Like protagonists of books, their origins weren't the happiest but it was proving that the sun would eventually shine.
Kim Dokja, for some reason, didn't get very far.
Kim Dokja's sun just happened to be a blaring, boiling, mid-summer afternoon sun. Oh, well, at least his clothes dried faster then.
. . .Maybe that was on him. He hadn't worked all that hard, he hadn't pushed himself to do his best. That was on him, yeah.
Yoo Joonghyuk juggled his part-time job and his studies, started gaming and did everything he could do to get by.
Han Sooyoung wrote like her life was on the line, constantly trying to find ways to sell to a larger audience.
Yoo Sangah kept working to improve herself, even if she was in a pretty stable spot, she strived to do better.
They all did something or the other. Kim Dokja didn't. As simple as that, really.
"Why won't he take the chance?"
Uriel's had enough. The only reason she had even wanted to work for N'gai was that the man was her role model's great-great-grandson. But here she was dealing with an idiot. This was not in her job description.
Her boss had been grumbling for ages about that Kim Dokja fellow he had taken a liking to. He found it very frustrating how Kim Dokja had rejected his offer outright and kept rejecting him every single time.
Uriel didn't understand either, to be honest. She had looked into the man and he could really use the money. He had loans to pay, he lived in a crappy place, he worked tons of part-time jobs, and kept sending out applications to companies.
Uriel had gone through his CV herself and it was so pitifully mediocre. It was the kind that people picked when they were short-staffed and simply needed someone to fill in a spot.
Uriel had read about Kim Dokja's story. She had combed through it thoroughly and as much as her heart hurt for him, she decided not to act in a way that would make it apparent that she felt sorry for him.
She didn't think he wanted pity.
"Why are you so obsessed with him?" Uriel said wearily, watching her CEO order a coffee online, from the cafe that Kim Dokja worked at. He was even paying extra for the delivery charges. It wasn't even Kim Dokja who was going to deliver the coffee and he had a set paycheque, it wasn't going to change anything. God, this pathetic man.
Uriel couldn't tell what their relationship was. Her CEO favoured that man, but all they ever did when they met was talk about nonsensical stuff and sing the same old karaoke songs.
She still got annoyed when she thought about the confusion she had to go through when her boss, minimalist extraordinaire, brought a whole karaoke machine, Bluetooth microphones, speakers, light sticks and tambourines.
It looked so out of place in his house and it pissed Uriel off because she had been the one who had picked the place for him, choosing the interior design and decor and her ungrateful boss just dumped some shitty stuff into the place she had put so much thought into.
They weren't dating, they weren't in a situationship or anything like that. The maximum touching they did was when they shook hands.
They were friends, they said. But what kind of friends were like that? They treated each other like consultants. Like two little emotional dumpsters.
They would meet, sing some songs, drink some alcohol, something neither of them liked but happened to be the only thing that got them talking, and then they would dump whatever was stressing them at the moment for the other to listen.
They were both crazy freaks, Uriel decided.
Alright, maybe her boss was a little right about Kim Dokja having some potential.
He wasn't a once-in-a-hundred-years genius, but there was something about that man that was eye-catching in the strangest way. He was almost unsettlingly observant and his intentions were a mystery.
"Why do you keep doing it, Joonghyuk-ssi?" the man was asking, making her boss stiffen.
"You don't have to do it," Kim Dokja continued. "And if you really do want to, you can just walk in."
"It would disrupt business," Yoo Joonghyuk said quietly.
"Hm, you're right, it would," Kim Dokja nodded, unbothered.
Kim Dokja had always known what Yoo Joonghyuk was doing, and he had waited for the man to say something but when he didn't, Kim Dokja decided to ask him about it himself.
And the way he asked, he wasn't being accusatory, nor did he sound alarmed. He was simply curious.
"How did you know?" her boss asked.
"Our branch doesn't get a lot of orders asking for delivery charges," Kim Dokja said. "Just a handful. The address showed your Seoul branch and you had Mr Kang's contact number put in."
Yoo Joonghyuk frowned.
"Why do you have my driver's number?"
"After all the times he's dropped me off," Kim Dokja scoffed. "I'd like to think we know each other."
"Enough to exchange numbers?"
"We did the same thing too, Joonghyuk-ssi?"
"Are you comparing me to my driver?"
"Yes?" Kim Dokja said, undeterred by Yoo Joonghyuk's harsh tone. "You're both people, aren't you?"
Kim Dokja's audacity was another thing that caught attention. That man had nerves of steel. He didn't give a shit about how influential Yoo Joonhgyuk was, he hadn't before, and he still wasn't.
Uriel had been watching this man for months, just waiting for him to come begging for financial aid or some other help from Yoo Joonghyuk. But all that guy did was arrive when Yoo Joonghyuk arranged a meeting, have a good time and then leave.
Honestly, Uriel would have given the man money herself if he had asked.
He had mentioned the steam iron he used because the dryers were crap, she had heard him talk about the crack he found in the windows because the cold had seeped into his apartment, she had heard about the convenience store lunches that the man lived on and she didn't understand how he said all of this nonchalantly.
He wasn't complaining when he was talking about it. He simply spoke about them like he was giving an anecdote. Like it was supposed to be some interesting story.
"Is it pride?" Uriel snapped, unable to hold herself back.
Kim Dokja who had been talking about a stray cat in his neighbourhood stopped and turned his gaze to her.
"Sorry?"
"Is it your pride?" she said. "Is that why you keep refusing our offer? Do you think it was him doing charity? He's the least charitable person you'll ever meet!"
Yoo Joonghyuk glared at her but she couldn't be bothered.
"Our CEO has great insight and he's never chosen someone on a whim," Uriel defended her idiot boss' choice. Even Yoo Joonghyuk looked surprised at her sudden compliments. "It was a well-considered decision, to give you an offer and yet you refuse it because of pride?"
Kim Dokja stared at her blankly for a long while before letting out a quiet, "Oh. That's what you're talking about."
Hah?!
"It's not pride, Uriel-ssi," Kim Dokja said, his tone the same as always.
"Then what is your problem?" Uriel cried.
"I just don't think it's right for me," Kim Dokja shrugged.
If there was anyone more frustrating than her boss, it was her boss' crush.
Uriel often complained about how impractical it was, meeting Kim Dokja every two weeks. It was just a waste of time in her eyes.
When the workload piled up and they got busy, Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't able to arrange a time to meet Kim Dokja again and Uriel wished he'd just go meet his crush instead of sulking in the office.
"Do people have parties on Christmas day?"
"What?"
"Or do they just spend it with their families?. . .Would that be considered a party?"
What the hell was her boss on about?
"I get my holidays or I'm going to file a complaint against you," Uriel said. She didn't want to know what weird bug had gotten into Yoo Joonghyuk's brain now that it was December.
She checked her calendar. Christmas was in three weeks.
"I say this as a threat," Uriel snarled. "If you call me for some stupid karaoke bullshit while I'm enjoying a good Christmas hot chocolate, I will gut you."
"I wasn't planning on it," Yoo Joonghyuk said crossly. "Do you think Kim Dokja will be busy on the twenty-fifth?"
"How am I supposed to know? Ask him."
Yoo Joonghyuk didn't respond but stared at his phone screen with a tense expression.
Maybe she should consider Kim Dokja incredible. Who else could bring her CEO into such a pathetic mess of a state?
Just send the man a text, like always. What was he getting all jittery for? It wasn't like they were going to do anything special for Christmas. She would understand if he was planning on asking Kim Dokja for a date, but he wasn't. They were still going to be singing the same old, shitty, boring songs.
At this rate, she was going to break off and start her own company and the first thing she was going to do was put a no-dating policy. If Kim Dokja ever accepted the offer and started working at the office...Oh, god, no. She dreaded to think of all the nonsense she would have to deal with then.
Yoo Joonghyuk put his phone to his ear and said, "Hello," breaking her out of her despairing imagination of her boss running off without doing any work so that he could prance around with his boyfriend at work.
Uriel saw her boss' expression change from confused to concerned in seconds and before she could even open her mouth, he had jumped from his chair behind his desk.
He paused for a second to grab his coat hanging from the stand and then rushed out of the room.
"Sir?" she gathered her bearings and prepared to run after him. "Sir!"
Uriel wasn't getting paid enough to deal with this. She was going to quit. She really fucking was!
Yoo Joonghyuk, that son of a bitch CEO, he simply got into his car and drove off without giving her a single word of explanation.
"Did he tell you anything?" A little out of breath, Uriel asked Yoo Joonghyuk's driver who looked just as baffled at not being asked to do the job he was there for.
"No."
"Motherfucker!"
Her CEO might be cold and haughty, but he was responsible. He wouldn't leave her hanging and anxious. But he had started changing after meeting Kim Dokja and she didn't know how to feel about it.
Yoo Joonghyuk picked up her call a couple of hours after he'd run off.
"Where the fuck are you?" Uriel snarled into the phone.
"Hospital."
Uriel's fury stilled for a second.
"What?" she said. "Did you get into an accident? Are you okay?"
"You have nothing to worry about," Yoo Joonghyuk replied. "I did not get into an accident. . .Kim Dokja got taken to the ER."
Ah, of course. Kim Dokja again. She should have known.
"Why?" Uriel found that the anxiety hadn't left her yet. Had she come to care for that Kim Dokja fellow too? Damn it!
"He fainted," Yoo Joonghyuk answered. "Stable now. Asleep. Nothing serious."
Uriel sucked in a deep breath.
"You're going to be staying there until he comes around, aren't you?" she said.
"Yes."
"And I guess you aren't coming back to the office either."
Yoo Joonghyuk didn't answer, but she didn't need one.
"Great," Uriel said sardonically. "Since my boss isn't here, I'm going home for the day. Goodbye."
And she hung up.
There was some incoherent background noise and everything he set his eyes on seemed to swirl and blend into a blur.
He waited until things started to fall into focus again.
It was oddly quiet and there was a soft whirring in the distance that he couldn't put a name to. The white ceiling stared back at him when he blinked.
". . .ja. . ."
Kim Dokja blinked again.
"Kim Dokja," he felt something warm cover his hand and a very familiar face came into view.
His whole body felt heavy, it was hard for him to move a single muscle, but he parted his lips and rasped a name out through his dry throat.
". . .Joonghyuk-ah."
Some switch seemed to have been flicked and the noise kicked up a few notches. Grimacing, Kim Dokja squeezed his eyes close, wishing the noises would go away.
He didn't get his wish. Instead, he got a woman shaking him until he opened his eyes and asked him a few questions, slowly bringing him back to earth.
It took a while for him to make sense of everything.
He was in a hospital. He had been brought to a hospital.
"Why?"
"Someone called in, you fainted, sir," the nurse told him kindly.
He fainted? Eh?
Kim Dokja was still trying to recollect everything that had happened before he opened his eyes when the nurse left the room. That was another strange thing, he didn't think he would have been taken to a private room. If he'd just fainted and it was nothing serious, then why special attention?
With the IV dripping steadily and the humidifier humming, Kim Dokja heard footsteps approach his bed.
"I'm not that other Yoo Joonghyuk."
Kim Dokja stared up at the scarred face of the beautiful man standing at his bedside, towering over him.
"I can see that," Kim Dokja said weakly. "What are you doing here, Joonghyuk-ssi?"
Yoo Joonghyuk's frown grew more pronounced.
"The hospital called," Yoo Joonghyuk said.
"Ah," Kim Dokja said dumbly. "Why?"
"Because I'm your emergency dial," Yoo Joonghyuk said simply.
Kim Dokja took a few moments to process this new piece of information.
"Since when?" he said, baffled.
"Since we exchanged numbers," the older man said shamelessly. Kim Dokja didn't even know when he'd gotten the chance to do that.
Yoo Joonghyuk stood in the same spot, arms crossed across his chest, a very disapproving glare on his face and Kim Dokja didn't know what to say or do. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't say anything either, he just stared at Kim Dokja.
Eventually, Kim Dokja got enough control of his own body to sit up on the hospital bed and look around properly.
"Did you get me to this room, Joonghyuk-ssi?" Kim Dokja asked.
"Yes," Yoo Joonghyuk gave a short answer and refused to elaborate on it.
"You didn't have to," Kim Dokja said. "I'll—"
"Lie down," Yoo Joonghyuk cut him off. He grabbed his shoulder and gently pushed Kim Dokja back onto the bed.
"I'm alright, Joonghyuk-ssi," Kim Dokja protested but the man held him down with just one hand. He wasn't even putting any force into it, it was a pathetic display of strength on Kim Dokja's part.
"They said I could get discharged soon."
Yoo Joonghyuk's glare hardened.
"Dehydration and a high fever," Yoo Joonghyuk said through gritted teeth. "How long have you been walking around like this?"
"I—I seriously don't have a clue," Kim Dokja tried laughing it off but he saw the look in Yoo Joonghyuk's eye and gave up on that idea very soon.
"I wasn't aware," Kim Dokja took a deep breath. "I didn't realise that I wasn't taking care of myself properly. I'm terribly sorry that I put you through this. It wasn't my intention to inconvenience you."
Yoo Joonghyuk sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Kim Dokja-ssi," he said sharply. "Keep quiet and lie still. Rest, I'll call your..friend for you."
"No!" Kim Dokja cried immediately.
Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes.
"No," Kim Dokja said again, more composed. "Don't. . .They'll make a fuss. Just—I'm fine. Really. I'll just sleep this off, you don't have to do anything."
Yoo Joonghyuk regarded him with a dull look and then marched off to sit back down on the chair he had been occupying before Kim Dokja came around.
They sat in silence and for once Kim Dokja seemed to be the one affected by the awkwardness. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't put in any effort to lessen the burden on the other man's shoulders.
"Joonghyuk-ssi, you must have been busy," Kim Dokja was saying. "I'm sorry about this. Truly."
Yoo Joonghyuk kept quiet.
"Was Uriel-ssi angry?" Kim Dokja tried again. "I suppose it came in handy. You could take a break."
Silence again.
"Joonghyuk-ssi, are you sleeping? With your eyes open? Like a fish?"
What nonsense was this man saying?
Yoo Joonghyuk frowned, annoyed and Kim Dokja tilted his head away from him with a faint smile.
He had been trying to get a reaction out of Yoo Joonghyuk.
Kim Dokja was given some ORS juice packets, from the apple and orange flavours he was offered, he picked the apple and by the time the sun started setting, he was good to go.
Kim Dokja made a huge mess saying that he'd fill in the hospital bill and Yoo Joonghyuk literally had to manhandle him away from the counter and into his car.
"This is kidnapping!" Kim Dokja said angrily while Yoo Joonghyuk ignored him and clicked the child lock on the car door in place. He was worried the man would jump out of a moving car. Kim Dokja was a little unpredictable like that.
"I'm going to call the police," Kim Dokja said as Yoo Joonghyuk got into the driver's seat and put his seatbelt on.
"I have your phone," Yoo Joonghyuk said simply, turning the key and the engine rumbled to life.
"See! This is kidnapping!"
Kim Dokja only calmed down when they were out on the highway.
"You can drop me off at my place," he had said. And even though Yoo Joonghyuk didn't like the idea of that very much, he supposed that was as far as he would get.
Kim Dokja apologized over fifteen times on their ride to his apartment.
Uriel never liked the place Kim Dokja was staying in. She complained about it all the time. Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't a big fan of it either, but he wasn't as vocal about the dislike as his secretary was.
Kim Dokja couldn't open the car door, so Yoo Joonghyuk had to get out and open it from the outside for him.
"You don't have to," Kim Dokja said when Yoo Joonghyuk followed him towards the building. "I'm fine now. It's just three floors."
"You could fall," Yoo Joonghyuk said, carefully walking behind Kim Dokja, ready to support the younger man if he should falter. Kim Dokja wasn't clumsy per se, but he was weak and sick at the moment, so he could end up slipping and rolling down the stairs and injuring himself badly.
Yoo Joonghyuk had never been to Kim Dokja's place before. He had seen the building from outside during all those times he had dropped the man off, but he had never been inside his house.
Yoo Joonghyuk handed Kim Dokja's personal belongings to him. It wasn't a lot. Just his phone, a keyring with a plastic puppy decoration and a single key, and his wallet.
Kim Dokja opened the door easily and it swung open with a soft creak.
"It's not much," Kim Dokja said as he stepped inside. "And you don't have to come in if you don't want to. Thank you for everything, Joonghyuk-ssi."
Yoo Joonghyuk vaguely listened to Kim Dokja and walked in after the man.
"It's not very clean, I hope you won't mind that," Kim Dokja chuckled and turned on the light switch in the living room.
Yoo Joonghyuk closed the front door behind him and took in the details of the place. There wasn't a lot. There was a single sofa and a tiny coffee table, nothing else in the living room.
He could see the kitchen from where he was standing and he could see two other doors that were closed, a bedroom and bathroom he guessed.
"Turn up the thermostat," Yoo Joonghyuk said. "It's cold."
"Ah, it'll go away in a bit," Kim Dokja waved it away.
The temperature outside was in the negatives. It was freezing. And Kim Dokja hadn't even been wearing a scarf or gloves, just his padded winter coat. He would have thought it was enough, but Kim Dokja didn't have enough fat on his bones and he had collapsed in the middle of the road and had to be rushed to the hospital just a few hours ago.
Yoo Joonghyuk stared at the old sofa, not really seeing anything.
Has this happened before? Were Kim Dokja's other friends with him then?
What if they weren't? Knowing Kim Dokja, it was very likely that he would have just gotten himself discharged, left and went about his day as usual if no one was around to bully him into taking care of himself.
If Yoo Joonghyuk hadn't set his number as the emergency contact, Kim Dokja would never have told him about this. Yoo Joonghyuk knew that very well.
If Kim Dokja had woken up alone, he would have told no one about this.
"Where's your thermostat?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked. The cold inside was almost as bad as the one outside and he wasn't as patient as Kim Dokja to wait for it to warm up on its own.
"We have it connected up for the whole building," Kim Dokja said. "It's a small place, not a lot of units. And you see the size of this one, right? It's downstairs."
"What the fuck?"
Kim Dokja laughed.
"Don't bother, though, Joonghyuk-ssi. It's alright," Kim Dokja said, getting rid of his jacket. He looked incredibly tiny without the padded jacket covering him.
Kim Dokja had always been frail, but seeing him lie on the hospital bed, as white as a sheet, his lips dry and his dark circles prominent against his ashen skin, Yoo Joonghyuk had felt a strange sort of dread.
"You stay here," Yoo Joonghyuk said, turning around to face the door. "Tell me where it is and I'll turn it up."
"I told you, Joonghyuk-ssi, you don't have to go through all that trouble," Kim Dokja said casually as Yoo Joonghyuk caught the door handle. "The heater's been broken for a while now. It gets warmer when I walk around in it for a while."
Yoo Joonghyuk paused.
If Uriel was here, she would be screaming her head off.
"I was going straight to bed anyway," Kim Dokja was rambling. "My blankets are pretty good even if the rest of my house isn't."
Yoo Joonghyuk took his hand off the door handle and whipped around to glare at Kim Dokja who was as stupid as he was smart.
"Pack your bags," Yoo Joonghyuk said firmly.
Kim Dokja stared at him, confused.
"You're staying at my place."
"No, I'm not," Kim Dokja said immediately.
Yoo Joonghyuk felt a muscle jump in his jaw as he clenched his teeth.
"Yes," he forced out. "You are."
"Joonghyuk-ssi, you're being ridiculous—"
"No, I am not," Yoo Joonghyuk snapped. "On second thought, don't waste time packing. Just come as you are. I'll get you everything you need."