September in Tokyo wasn't all that hot, but the wind was a bit too noisy.
Kanade Higashino lay slumped over his desk, bored out of his mind as he stared out the classroom window at the blue sky, white clouds, and cherry blossoms that didn't actually exist.
After ten years of reincarnating, he had finally—grudgingly—come to terms with the fact that he'd gone from being a rabbit to a washbasin chicken, from Little Red Riding Hood to "unusually rare," from Leng Feng to Liu Lu, from Wu Jing to Dong Xuelian.
He used to diss Dong Xuelian before his reincarnation. Now he was Dong Xuelian.
Tragic!
Fine, fine, transmigration was one thing. Becoming "rare" was another. But why was it that everyone else who got isekai'd ended up as a high schooler—with emotionally problematic romance plots involving Yukino the bug milkmaid, or grooming plain-background saintly heroines like Megumi, or dreaming of CNC-future pigheaded senpai—er, I mean, the bunny girl senpai.So why was he stuck in the overseas edition of Chinese Parents?
Yes, the overseas edition of Chinese Parents, not the Japanese one. Both his parents were Chinese, so of course his life was the international version of that hell-sim, co-op mode to boot.
One player was him—Kanade Higashino, the main account of his parents. The other was his little sister, Higashino Suzu—their side account.
"How much sorrow can one man have?""Like a bunch of eunuchs storming a brothel."
He was so, so bored. Bored to death. Really, he was about to die from sheer boredom.
Restarting life sounded great on paper, but restarting from elementary school? That was just a goddamn curse. After sixteen years of burning the midnight oil for exams, to now be back grinding for an elementary school diploma? Honestly, he could just cry. He genuinely wanted to smash his head into a cute girl's chest and die.
He wanted to skip grades. Japan did have a special talent acceleration system, and yes, he was talented. But not that talented. Skipping elementary was easy-peasy, but middle and high school? Different country, different curriculum—it wasn't gonna be that simple. He even considered taking a leave of absence, but his dear old dad was a die-hard Seven Wolves fanboy, and his beloved mom was a literal weapon master. Clothes hangers, slippers, brooms, feather dusters—she'd specialized in all of them.
It was like that in his old world. And it was still like that here.
Other people who reincarnated either had parents sacrificed to the plot gods or were too busy to care. Their new parents were totally different from their past ones. Not him. His parents hadn't kicked the bucket, weren't even particularly busy, and were basically the same strict parents from a parallel universe. Same with his little sister.
Only difference was, in his previous world, his dad passed away shortly after he graduated. His mom, devastated, followed him within the year.And his little sister...
Just a nightmare now.
Kanade Higashino bit the end of his pen and shook his head.
Let bygones be bygones. Living in the past never brought happiness.
At the front of the class, the teacher—boasting a haircut that screamed "strong personality"—was deep in the sea of mathematics, lecturing with a passion that flowed like the Yellow River. He was asking and answering his own questions nonstop, completely oblivious to the students in the corners sleeping, reading manga, or doing anything but listening.
There's a saying: "If you walk by the water long enough, your shoes will get wet." Stay too close to the "Yellow River," and even if your shoes survive, your brain's bound to get soaked. If you don't duck, you might even get a mouthful of that metaphorical water.
Those poor kids sitting up front.
Even from the last row, Kanade Higashino could feel the pressure of the math teacher's "seed machine gun" (aka rapid-fire spitting).
Man, I want to play Pokémon.
In one math class, some students gained knowledge. Others endured endless time. Some dreamed deep dreams. Kanade Higashino, an adult mind trapped in a child's body, just let his thoughts drift. Maybe it was because he was resting on his desk, but at some point, he drifted into sleep.
The bell rang, signaling the end of class and the start of lunch break.
Some students headed to the cafeteria, some brought their lunch outside, some grouped up to gossip and laugh. A few girls erupted into laughter so sharp it was like a barbell dropped on a skull—definitely not ladylike.
Kanade Higashino yawned and got up, sleepily making his way to another corner of the classroom.
At the desk by the back door, a cute blue-haired loli lay peacefully asleep with her cheek pressed to the desk.
A broken pencil lay on the floor. A thoroughly stabbed eraser kept it company. Her language textbook was neatly laid out, though currently being used as a pillow.
Her name was Konata Izumi—his blue-haired neighbor and childhood friend.
Kanade tapped on her desk.
"Hey, Ultra Space Cop, open your eyes. I'm Zoffy."
In her dreams, Konata heard the voice of Zoffy from Ultraman. She struggled to peel open eyes that felt glued shut with superglue, and the first thing she saw was a familiar, handsome face.
Short black hair. Clear green eyes. Delicate features like a doll's. Pretty, cute, baby-faced—prime host club material.
Konata sat up, and within three seconds slumped back into her chair, head tilted like a true dried-up salted fish.
"Lunch time."
Kanade sighed. Fifth grade—wasn't this supposed to be the age of boundless energy? Why did this kid act like a moldy pickled veggie left in an old jar—salty, sour, and damp?
"Oh right, my manga. You finished reading it? If you have, give it back. I wanna ink it after lunch."
Konata's expression changed. She glanced at the desk, eyes flickering.
"What's up? Why're you looking at the desk? Don't tell me…"
A terrible premonition hit Kanade. He looked at the desk—at the language textbook damp with drool. Underneath it, just peeking out, were pages that looked suspiciously like his manga draft.
"Those aren't my original manga pages… are they?"
Konata turned her head away, unable to meet his eyes.
"DAMN IT!"
That said it all.
A tiny language textbook stood no chance against a loli's piercing drool. Most of the book was soaked, and the manga pages sandwiched inside were in no better shape.
"It's an act of God, okay? That math class was a total sleep spell, I couldn't help it."
At lunch, borrowing Kanade's desk neighbor's seat, Konata dug into her bento like nothing happened. She did feel bad about drooling all over his manga drafts though.
Then, like a lightbulb went off, her eyes sparkled.
"How about this—I'll apologize by showing you my belly. Will you forgive me?"
"Why… your belly?"
Kanade was baffled.
"I'm still in elementary school, I can't show this."
Konata patted her flat, absolutely flat chest.
"That's not something even college girls should be flashing when apologizing!"
Kanade got the reference. But seriously—even if she were a college student or a full-grown adult, unless she was some top-tier chicken brain, who the hell strips to apologize?
"Really? But in the game I played, the high school girls did it."
Konata didn't think it was weird at all.
"Games are games, real life is real life! Don't mix them up! And anyway, the games you play are… not exactly wholesome."
Kanade didn't want to dig into Konata's gaming habits. Her games were… well, even adults would lose a few years of their lifespan playing those.
Honestly, he just couldn't understand why anyone would teach their daughter to play stuff like that. All-ages games, sure. But this? Absolutely not. A grown man playing eroge with his elementary school daughter? That's not just weird—it's criminal. Someone needed to call 110 and get that uncle arrested. Otherwise, Konata's home environment was just too damn dangerous.
"I'm sorry, Uncle. This'll be the last time."