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HOW I died like an IDIOT and BECAME IMMORTAL

Kalahan_L
7
chs / week
The average realized release rate over the past 30 days is 7 chs / week.
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Synopsis
Synopsis: Dying at 21 because of a banana? Yep, that’s how this ridiculous story begins. Alan, an incredibly average guy (maybe too average), meets his untimely end in a way so pathetic it wouldn't even make the back page of a local newspaper. But instead of staying dead, he wakes up in a bizarre new world filled with elves, demons, beastkin... and absurdly muscular orcs. But here's the catch: he didn’t get any overpowered ability. No mountain-shattering strength, no dragon summoning spells. Just one thing—immortality. Cool? Maybe. Annoying? Absolutely. Now, thrown into a world of chaotic quests, strangely alluring girls with animal features, and enemies who seem allergic to logic, Alan embarks on a totally unheroic journey. Not to save the world, but maybe just to find a comfy bed where no one tosses him out the window every morning. A fantasy comedy with a dash of madness... just like its immortal idiot of a protagonist. Alan Just a regular guy with zero ambition, zero talent, and somehow... zero mortality. Alan never trained with a sword, never read ancient grimoires, and definitely never dreamed of saving the world. He’s the kind of person who’d trip over his own feet and blame the floor. After dying from a banana peel incident (yes, really), he wakes up in a fantasy world where magic is real, monsters are everywhere, and women have tails, ears, and serious attitude problems. His only ability? Regeneration so broken, he literally can’t die. His goal? Unclear. His strategy? Mostly screaming, running, and pretending he knows what he’s doing. He’s not a hero. He’s not a villain. He’s just... Alan. And somehow, that’s enough to break every rule in this messed-up world.
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Chapter 1 - Chapter One: A Foolish Death... and a Carrot Proposal

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Alan didn't expect to die that day.

Not from something heroic. Not in a tragic accident.

He slipped. On a banana peel.

And that was it.

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"What the—?! Where am I?!"

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Naked. Confused. Flat on his back in the middle of a glowing forest.

The leaves shimmered like crystal, the sky had three moons, and he was definitely not on Earth anymore.

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"Don't just stand there! Cover yourself, pervert!"

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A voice, sharp and angry.

He turned. A girl stood there—silver hair, glowing tattoos, and ears long enough to get cable signal from another planet.

She threw a robe at his face.

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"Hey! I didn't ask to be reborn like this! I just... died!"

"From what? Embarrassment?"

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She yanked him by the ear and shoved him behind a thick bush.

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"Listen, human. You're in Eldara now. This isn't your filthy world."

"Eldara...? What is this, some kind of weird MMORPG?"

"What's an MMORPG?"

"...Nothing. Just... give me clothes, please."

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Minutes later, Alan wore something that resembled a bathrobe—soft, short, and deeply unflattering.

The girl looked him over as if he were a very stupid magical creature.

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"What's your name, human?"

"Alan. And you?"

"Zariel. I'm a moon-elf. And you're trespassing."

"...Is that worse than dying from a banana?"

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She sighed.

"Follow me. If you're a lost soul or some reincarnated idiot, the elders will decide what to do with you."

"Great... from janitor to magical prisoner. What a promotion."

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The forest was strange. Everyone carried weapons. No one smiled.

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"Is it just me, or is this world allergic to calm people?"

"Quiet, human. Don't draw attention. There are things in this forest that don't die."

"...Same."

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She stopped.

"Wait. What do you mean?"

"I mean... I can't die. I think. I got stabbed by a tree branch earlier and it healed in seconds."

"...You're either cursed... or very, very stupid."

"Can't I be both?"

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They reached a small town—strange vegetables, quieter people, too many stares.

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"Why are we going to an academy? I barely passed high school..."

"You're not a student. You're a problem. They study problems there."

"Wow. I feel so... appreciated."

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The academy was massive. Creatures of every kind filled the courtyard—elves, orcs, horned demons, humans with tails and glittering eyes.

Then time slowed.

He saw her.

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White hair like snow. Fluffy ears that twitched. A tiny tail. Pink eyes staring at... vegetables.

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"Is that... a bunny girl?"

"Don't even think about it."

Too late.

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"Hi there! You look hungry."

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He took a carrot from the table. Walked right up.

And gently placed it between her lips.

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"Here, for you."

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The bunny girl froze. Zariel froze.

Everyone froze.

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"Did... did you just feed a noble-born Lapian... like a pet?!"

"Wait, she's a noble?"

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The girl chewed slowly. Eyes watery. Cheeks red.

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"...No one's ever done that to me before."

"Uh... sorry?"

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She lunged and hugged him tight.

"You're mine now!"

"Wait what—?!"

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Zariel smacked her forehead.

"Congratulations. You just accidentally proposed to a Lapian princess. In public. With a carrot."

"Can we rewind time? Please?"

"Too late. You're hers now."

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And just like that...

Alan—the immortal idiot who died from a banana—became engaged to a bunny princess.

Unwillingly.

With a carrot.

What a beginning.