The sun rose over Azure field Meadows like a painter's dream — rolling green hills, gentle wildflowers swaying in the breeze, and the chirping of birds so aggressively peaceful it almost sounded fake. It was the perfect day for a picnic. Or at least, it should've been.
MC stood triumphantly atop a small hill, arms outstretched, a wide grin plastered across his face. "Today," he declared, "we take a break from world-ending cults, suspicious dungeons, and accidental monster summons. Today... is Guild Picnic Day!"
Lina raised an eyebrow, hands on her hips. "You made that up five minutes ago."
"Details," he said, holding up a woven basket stuffed with suspiciously well-made sandwiches. "I planned this. I planned this so hard. There is no way this goes wrong."
Ciel eyed him suspiciously, her armor swapped for a loose white blouse and black slacks — casual, but crisp. "And what's the actual objective? Training? Recon? Secret quest?"
MC gasped. "Can't a man just want to spend a totally platonic, non-explosive day with his friends?"
Lina coughed. "You made heart-shaped cookies."
"THAT WAS KAELA'S IDEA!"
Kaela, who was currently unpacking a magical grill, waved without looking up. "Nope."
Luna emerged from the teleport gate wearing an elegant sunhat and sunglasses that made her look like a noble on vacation. "This place has an aura of purity," she said calmly, spreading a blanket in the shade. "We will defile it within the hour."
"I give it fifteen minutes," Iris muttered, adjusting a floating book that held spell-driven mosquito repellent.
Ten minutes in, everything was... suspiciously perfect. The food was laid out. No explosions. No slime ambush. No sudden declarations of war.
And then it began.
"Hey," Lina said casually, sidling up to MC as he passed out fruit. "Nice setup. Very... romantic."
MC blinked. "Romantic? N-no, it's a team picnic. For team bonding. Not romance."
"Sure," she smirked. "So if I fed you a strawberry, that wouldn't mean anything?"
"Absolutely not—wait, are you—"
Before he could finish, she popped a berry into his mouth. His soul left his body.
"EXCUSE ME," Ciel barked from across the blanket. She marched over, eyes narrow, fists clenched. "What is this nonsense?"
MC, still chewing, gave a helpless thumbs-up.
"You're flirting on a mission," she said, clearly scandalized. "This was supposed to be a training exercise!"
"You brought a picnic sword," Iris pointed out.
"It's called being prepared!"
Lina smirked. "Jealous?"
Ciel turned a shade of crimson previously only seen in volcano cores. "I—I—I am just concerned about mission parameters!"
Meanwhile, Kaela was building a heart-shaped fruit tower. "MC, do you prefer peaches or apples fed to you while lying on my lap?"
MC coughed up the strawberry. "What is happening?!"
"You declared this event," Luna said, sipping lemonade. "You brought this fate upon yourself."
As if on cue, Luna tapped her fan against her chin. "MC, if you're not on a date with any of us, then you won't mind if I do this."
She leaned over and kissed his cheek.
MC froze.
Ciel shrieked. "WHAT—?!"
Lina's spear appeared out of nowhere. "Oh no you don't!"
"Hold on," Kaela said, reaching into the basket. "Let's decide this civilly."
She pulled out a massive heart-shaped pie. "Whoever wins today's couple contest gets the last slice."
Iris raised her hand. "I vote we test compatibility through coordinated spellwork."
"This isn't a contest!" MC shouted. "This is a PICNIC! WITH FRIENDS!"
Nobody listened. A spark ignited in Ciel's eyes. "Fine. If everyone wants to test who's closest to him—"
Lina cracked her knuckles. "Game on."
Luna was already rolling out a second blanket. "We shall begin with 'feed your partner' challenge."
MC tried to escape. He tripped on the fruit tower.
What followed could only be described as "romantic battle royale disguised as a picnic." Every girl interpreted the event as a date in her own way.
Lina challenged Ciel to a watermelon-seed spitting contest, which somehow involved enchanted projectiles.
Ciel demanded a fencing duel where the loser had to write a poem to MC. He passed out halfway through reading Ciel's tsundere haiku.
Kaela built an elaborate three-course meal using portable alchemy and demanded MC rate every dish "based on love intensity."
Luna read his star chart and declared them "cosmically married" during the hour of passionflower.
Iris summoned a magical clone of MC just to simulate how well they'd co-manage a magical library together. The clone rated her a "9.8 out of 10."
MC finally tried to hide under the dessert blanket.
He was found immediately.
By the end of the picnic, the meadow was partially scorched, three trees had been enchanted to sing love songs, and the pie was somehow floating above the group in a magical cage.
MC, flat on his back, covered in crumbs and lipstick marks, stared at the sky.
"So... how'd bonding go?" Kaela asked sweetly.
"Romantic disaster," MC mumbled. "Ten out of ten. Would never do again."
All the girls were smiling though. Even Ciel, who refused to admit she'd enjoyed any of it, lingered nearby with a slightly smug expression.
The System pinged quietly in the background:
[Guild Affection Bonding +10%][You have unlocked: "Shared Memories – Picnic Edition" Passive Buff.][Status: Mildly Traumatized, Deeply Loved.]
MC sighed.
"Next time," he whispered, "we're just doing trust falls..."
END OF CHAPTER 85